+ Read the episode transcript here

[00:00:00] Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. If you're looking for more purpose, more passion, more joy in your life. When you have come to the right place, let's create your dream life while living your dream life. Okay, love.

[00:00:21] Hi love. Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. This is where we take a deeper dive into my mindset Monday post, which you can read on Instagram, at @wholeheartedcoaching, or you can get the full post. Plus my weekly journal prompts. When you sign up for my email list, you can do that in the show notes, or you can head to my website, wholehearted-coaching.com.

[00:00:44] So this month, we have been doing something a little different for whole hearted coaching. Every week we have been re releasing a favorite episode from 2021. Now these have either been one of your favorite episodes or one of my favorite episodes. This is the final week we are doing it. And we're ending with one of your favorite episodes.

[00:01:09] Whenever I do an episode on manifestation. Y'all love it. So today's episode is about that topic of manifestation. And as we are ending the year and going into the next year, I know that a lot of us are trying to manifest abundance, manifest the most incredible 2022. Now, this episode is all about manifestation.

[00:01:31] However, it's about the difference between willing and allowing a manifestation to happen. Now, this is a really big distinction and it's something that honestly really resonated and came to me this year, willing being that state, where we are forcing our manifestations to have. And allowing being that state where we are just allowing the universe to bring us amazing abundance.

[00:01:58] The unimaginable, this episode really is a game changer when it comes to looking at how you are manifesting love. Are you manifesting through sheer with. Or are you manifesting with the universe? Are you manifesting the unimaginable or are you manifesting the same old thing again? And again, so again, if you have listened to this episode before I recommend listening again, because I am sure you're going to pick up something new, a new gem, a new idea that perhaps you didn't hear before, and if you've never listened.

[00:02:32] Enjoy and final time, I'm going to say this, but because this is the season of giving and receiving, regardless of what you celebrate next month in January, I'm offering a free week long workshop called your best year in this workshop, I'm going to be talking. All of the rituals and tools I use to create a year in which I do amazing things, but also nourish myself, nourish my life and feel really good, right.

[00:03:03] Creating the unimaginable through ease and joy. So if you want to be on the waitlist to be the first to sign up, head to whole hearted-coaching.com/ wait-list, or you can also head to the show. I'll be giving you more information in January, but if you're on that wait list, you will be the first to be able to sign up.

[00:03:27] And in the spirit of receiving, I have been asking you on this podcast for the last month to take about a minute of your time to leave a review and a rating of this podcast. And if you can subscribe to. The more reviews we have, the more ratings we have, the more subscribers we have that means that there are going to be more eyes on this podcast.

[00:03:47] This podcast will be recommended to others and this amazing community can grow so love. If you could do that for me, just take a moment of your time to leave a review, leave a rating, and perhaps even subscribe. That would mean the world to me. All right, love. Let's get into it. Cause I know you love hearing about manifestation.

[00:04:07] This week's episode. So today we're talking about manifestation. And to be honest, my manifestation episodes, posts, emails are always the most popular. And I get it. I think a lot of people are curious about manifestation. Maybe you're one of those people, maybe you're on the fence about it. Like you kind of believe in it, but you're also like, oh, is this like a real thing?

[00:04:35] Or maybe you're someone who is into manifestation and you just want to get better at doing it a better idea of what it's all about. Well, this episode is for everyone. I come at the idea of manifestation with a lot of practicality, I believe. But I didn't believe in it for a very long time. I was one of those on the fencer kind of people.

[00:04:58] Like I wanted to believe in it, but I was kind of giving manifestation. The side-eye like, really? Like, are you, are you a real thing? Because I can't seem to manifest, you know, X, Y, and Z. And when I finally learned what manifestation was, I looked back on that time and I realized why it wasn't really making sense to me.

[00:05:19] And a lot of it was the way it was being taught. It seemed like it was a lot of wish upon a star stuff and false positivity. And to me that just didn't work. That didn't resonate. And now I understand that that stuff doesn't really work. And there was a good reason why I was kind of on the fence about all of this.

[00:05:42] So love today, we are going to get into the practicality of it. All this episode is full of tips and ideas. So you may want to grab a paper and a pen because we're going to go. Now the reason why we're focusing on manifestation is because it's amazing. But also a couple of weeks ago, I did an episode with my husband where I mentioned and talked about the fact that I manifested him and I got so many wonderful comments and questions from all of you.

[00:06:14] And so it got me thinking maybe I need to create a manifestation course specifically for love. And so that's what I'm doing. Valentine's day is around the corner. And I am, co-creating a love manifestation course with my good friend, Alia. Lovely. She is the host of the podcast, spiritual shit, which is amazing.

[00:06:42] You should go check that podcast out, but Aaliyah is just an incredible spiritual healer. She is the real. So I'm an expert in all things, practicality and mindset, and Aaliyah has got all of that spiritual, energetic stuff down. And so together we have created. Uh, manifestation course that covers everything from spirit to emotions, to action, to mindset.

[00:07:10] This is truly unlike anything out there. And it's taught by two women of color who have manifested love beyond their wildest dreams. Get on the wait list. You can do that in the show notes, or you can head to wholehearted-coaching.com/manifest them. That's manifest them with two T's, so manifest them.

[00:07:36] Okay. So let's get into today's mindset Monday, which reads you can, will your way into manifestation or allow it to happen. One is an exhausting process limited to your imagination. The other is a free creative process in which you create the unimaginable, which one are you doing? Okay. So this episode is a big one for the hard workers, the type a controllers for the people who always figure it out, who make it happen, despite the odds, which is probably.

[00:08:17] Actually, I know it's you, this person, you who are listening to this right now, I know you. I know my community and you, my love, you get shit done. You prove them wrong. You defy the odds. And for a lot of us who are like that, we think we are amazing at manifestation because if manifestation is about realizing our dreams, well, then that's what we're doing.

[00:08:46] But manifestation is not just about the outcome. It's also about the process, how you're reaching your dreams. What's so many of us hard workers are doing is less manifestation and more willing our way into the life that we think we should be living. I want you to hear me when I say that willing your way into a life.

[00:09:16] That you think you should be living that isn't manifestation, that's controlling, forcing, pushing our way into our dreams. The truth is manifestation is more about allowing than willing. It's more about letting go within it is controlled. It's more about being open to than fixated on manifestation is more flow and less force for so long.

[00:09:53] I thought I was amazing at manifesting because by my mid twenties, I was living the life of my dreams. I was living in New York, working full-time as an opera singer, traveling the world, doing what I want streaming. I was like, yeah, look at this. I'm an amazing, manifestor look at this life that I've created for myself, but I was exhausted.

[00:10:17] I was miserable. I was so down on myself, my career and my life, I wasn't even enjoying the things I had. Quote, unquote manifested. And most of the things that I did manifest, they didn't live up to the expectations I had of. I was still unsatisfied unfulfilled, and I was soon onto the next thing that I wanted to manifest.

[00:10:46] And it's not until I worked with my first coach who unknowingly to me was actually teaching me manifestation that I realized what I was doing in my career up until that point wasn't manifesting, but more forcing my way. Into my dreams into the things I thought I should be achieving. Now, the coach I was working with was a relationship coach and the process of learning all of that.

[00:11:18] Right. Getting all that education of what manifestation was. And then applying that to finding my partner, that process was 180 degrees different. From the process of how I manifested my career. So in this episode, I'm going to go through what was so different about those two processes, right? My career, where I was willing, my way into manifestation, forcing my way into my dreams and my partner, where I was allowing him to manifest.

[00:11:56] I was allowing my dreams to appear to come to. So we're going to look at some of the differences by breaking it down into process feelings, mindset reason, and the result, the final result. Before we begin though, before we get deeper into all of that, I want to talk about a concept that is really essential to all of this.

[00:12:24] So when it comes to manifestation our job, your job in the whole thing, Is to know what you want and why you want it, that's it, what you want and why you desire this thing. The how and the, when that is all up to the universe. Or whatever you want to call it, I'm going to call it universe in this episode.

[00:12:54] But the how and the, when that is all up to the universe. So when we allow, we know that our job is to just really make clear to the universe, what we want and have a really deeply inspired why, why we want it, and then let go and trust that the universe is going to figure out the rest for us, that it's going to do the heavy lifting.

[00:13:19] So when we are willing, right. Forcing, we want to get involved in all of the different parts of the process and that's where we get tripped up. So we're going to talk a lot more about this later on, but I want you really to understand when it comes to manifestation, all you have to know love is your what and your why, and the how, and the where, and the, when that is all up to the universe.

[00:13:48] So let's talk about the process. The process of manifesting with sheer will, right. And the process of manifesting by allowing it to happen. So when you're willing manifestation, the process is tightly controlled. So we're creating a plan with lots of details and logistics. This is kind of a tough one because.

[00:14:14] We are trying to figure out, uh, how, and when you're manifesting, dreaming up of something you've never done before, you won't know the how until after you won't know the, how until you get there. I have a great episode in the podcast about this, which is about this concept of how you don't know the, how until you do the thing.

[00:14:35] Right. But when we're controlling, we're really fixating over worrying over planning, overwhelmed. Because we're trying to figure out something that we've never done before. So this process is really overwhelming, exhausting and draining because we're getting caught up in things that we really can't control.

[00:14:59] We're trying to figure out how this thing is going to happen and when it's going to happen and where it's going to happen, we're trying to control all of the process. In my career, I would try and figure every little detail out. In a career singing, which I think is like a lot of careers where I didn't honestly have a lot of control.

[00:15:25] Right. I could go to an audition and do a quote unquote, good job. But so many other factors were so not up to me, but even though I knew that I was just trying to control anything I could. And it was this really draining and overwhelming process. And the process of auditioning is a tough one. Anyway, just like the process of dating is a tough one.

[00:15:49] Anyway, just like the process of finding a new job is a tough one. Anyway, when we're trying to we'll, we're making ourselves doubly exhausted. We're making it doubly tough for ourselves. So let's talk about the process when you're allowing, when you're allowing you're taking inspired action. But trusting that the right opportunities, people and circumstances are going to present themselves at the right time.

[00:16:20] This is so much about letting go and surrender, which are both really tough things to do. So when it comes to manifestation, we do have to take some action. We make moves, but we're taking action from a place of certainty. We know that the thing we desire is going to come to us. So we don't worry. We don't ruminate.

[00:16:47] We don't obsess. We trust we're taking action, knowing that the outcome we desire is assured and that's a whole different process. Like when I was, when I was singing, oh my goodness. I did not take action from a place of certainty. It was all from a place of fear. So when it comes to manifestation, the universe does so much of the heavy lifting for us.

[00:17:12] And we do need to be part of this process. So this is why I call this inspired action. So inspired action to me is about taking the next step that feels best to you. And that feels the most aligned with what you desire. So examples of inspired action could be, you know, who desire a relationship. Maybe it's signing up for a dating app or emailing friends to let them know you're looking.

[00:17:36] If it's a career, you update your LinkedIn, you email your contacts, right. I know you're listening to the same Shirin. I have signed up for a dating app. I'm on all the apps, or I have updated my LinkedIn, but are you doing that from a place of certainty, faith trusting that it's going to work out. And let me tell you inspired action can be so small.

[00:18:01] I have seen it time and again in my life and in my clients' lives where it's simply about making a phone call, emailing a person who you don't even think is even involved in this thing, or just getting out of bed. And all of a sudden you get that opportunity. You've been waiting on the universe when we start to bet on ourselves, when our energy shifts.

[00:18:26] When we go on that dating app with this sense of certainty and hope, it's like, oh, okay. It seems like she's coming around. The universe believes in you. And it's just waiting on you for yourself to believe in yourself and in the process. So inspired action. Yes. For those of us who love to work hard is a great word.

[00:18:48] Right? Okay, great. I have to take action. I can take action, but it's all about taking action with faith, knowing that the bigger picture is going to become clear eventually, right? Trusting your dreams going to manifest. And this is exactly what it was like for me when I was dating. Now the process from when I started working with my coach and when I met my partner, my husband who's who's.

[00:19:09] Now my husband, that was for you. For years, y'all it wasn't overnight. And there were a lot of people that I dated between then, but when I was taking action, like I was, I was on all the apps. I felt very comfortable being on all the apps. I was doing it from a place of, oh, okay. It's this? Wasn't the one.

[00:19:31] Okay. Next it wasn't personal. I wasn't ruminating, you know, I had this real. Centered faith certainty that my person was right around the corner. I did not know it was four years away or how we were going to meet it. Wasn't even on a dating app. It was through Instagram. Um, you can listen to our story. I think it's two episodes ago of how we met, but really it was about taking that inspired action.

[00:20:04] There was ease, there was certainty there, which was the complete opposite of what my career was like. So now let's get into the feelings, which I've kind of covered a little bit. So when we're willing, that manifestation process is exhausting, there's lots of worrying. There's lots of overwhelmed. You're obsessing a lot.

[00:20:22] You're ruminating, you're controlling and you're also comparing yourself a lot. Oh my gosh. They're there. Oh my gosh. I should be there. But when we're allowing. There is ease, trust there's excitement. Like I was excited. I was like, I know this, this man is coming to me. Okay. I don't know when he's coming, but that really excited anticipation and you have certainty, but I want to put a disclaimer in here.

[00:20:46] You have certainty with moments of uncertainty, but you have healthy tools to help you center yourself. I think a lot of the time we think of manifestation, we think, oh my gosh, I'm never supposed to have doubt or uncertainty, right? Or fear insecurity. No, no, no, no, no, you're human. So those things are going to happen, but that you've cultivated the tools, whatever they are for you, which is maybe it's mindset, work, meditation movement, whatever helps you to help bring you back to that certainty to that fake.

[00:21:22] And one of the biggest tools to have is to actually allow yourself to feel your feelings, to feel the sadness, to feel the disappointment. When I was dating, man, I felt disappointment. I was rejected many times. And I also said no to people that I thought were going to be the one so many times. So there was disappointment.

[00:21:48] There, there were moments where my certainty waivers. But I had cultivated tools to help me process those feelings, healthy tools, because I think sometimes what happens in this world of mindset and manifestation is we think, oh my gosh, I'm feeling disappointed. And then we say these like really empty things to ourselves.

[00:22:07] Like, well, just get over it. Just get on to the next guy, move. Just, why are you? Why are you so sad? Move on. And those things don't work. Cause we got to feel those feelings. And so when you're allowing you have these tools to allow you to process in a healthy way, whatever you're going through, I hope that helps because that was a big.

[00:22:31] Revelation for me. Cause I felt like with before manifestation was all about just feeling positive feelings all the time. And that's not what it is. It's about allowing yourself the full spectrum of feelings and having the tools to center yourself, having the tools to also again, with the feelings to not make it personal.

[00:22:54] Man, I could have made so many of those breakups personal, but I didn't. I knew how to process that in a way that was just about me healing me. All right. So now let's go on to mindset. So when we are manifesting by willing, we can't stop thinking about the thing we want and we're thinking about it all the time.

[00:23:17] Like to an obsessive point, like, why isn't it here yet? Where is it? So we get quite obsessive. And the thoughts that we have in the process are often quite negative. They're, self-critical, there's a lot of proving comparing and striving. Right? So thoughts, like when I get X I'll be good enough or I'll prove him wrong, right.

[00:23:36] Or, oh my God, you're such a mess. How have you not figured this out yet? Just get it together. Wait, when you're thinking thoughts like this, as you go towards a dream. No, that you're willing. You're forcing, you're controlling. When I was singing, I would always say to myself, well, when you get this job, you're going to be good enough and I'd get the job.

[00:23:59] And did you think I felt good enough, knew a lot. And a lot of the, my mindset was like proving people wrong. Proving them wrong that you can do this, that this girl, this young girl who felt like she didn't belong in the world, this chubby brown immigrant girl that no one saw, you know, w w saw this potential in and saw her amazingness.

[00:24:24] I was going to prove to them how amazing I was. And I was going to do it by getting this, this, and this. That mindset will not serve you love it will not. And we're going to talk a little bit more about that later, but whenever you're thinking thoughts like that know that you are willing and I can look back on my singing career now and see how so much of my mindset was about proving to others and proving to myself that I was worthy when we're allowing our mindset is so much more healthy and empowering and supportive, and you set your intention.

[00:24:58] You set your dream and then you trust that it's going to happen on its own timeline and in its own way, right. I call this the set it and forget it mentality like a Crock-Pot or an instant pot. You put it in there and you know, after how many minutes or hours or whatever, it's just going to happen. So there's none of that obsessing or worrying.

[00:25:18] It's just like, okay, this is going to happen. And the thoughts that are happening, having as you're waiting for it to happen are really nourishing. Right. One of my anchor thoughts during the whole process of, of meeting my partner, meeting my husband was let's just see what happens, right? Perhaps the thought for you is I trust that it will happen when and how it's supposed to.

[00:25:41] If you want to, um, find your thought, check out my episode, called faith over fear. I also have a worksheet with that. It's a really great episode. So if you're trying to maybe shift your mindset in a way that is, um, realistic and healthy and it's not just, you know, false positivity, check out faith over fear.

[00:26:02] So in the process of me finding my partner for years, y'all remember, this was four years. My mindset was totally different before, when I was in my career. Um, every rejection, every no was like a stab to the heart and this thing of like, we'll see, you're not good enough. Look at that. This is proof. You don't know what you're doing.

[00:26:25] You should just give up. You should just stop now. But when I was dating, it was more like, oh, okay, well that didn't work out. Okay. Well, if not this, then something better. Let's just see what happens if we go on this date. It was just such an easier process. Right. And I'm talking about dating y'all dating in New York.

[00:26:45] It was such an empowering and supportive process. Again, I had moments where I was like, oh God, that hurt. But it was a really fun process. I can really honestly say that to you because of this mindset. So now we're getting into the reason for it, the desire, which we've talked a little bit about. So when we're willing often, we're unaware of why we actually want the thing.

[00:27:15] Why do I want this job? Why do I want this career? Why do I want this house? Why do I want this partner? We really don't know the deep why behind the thing. And oftentimes it's an unconscious, or maybe sometimes conscious belief that this manifestation is going to fix your life. That everything's going to get better once you have it, but you're not going to be alone anymore, but you're not gonna be, you know, unfulfilled anymore.

[00:27:44] You're trying to prove something to yourself or to others, right? Like me, I wanted to prove my worth to myself and to other people. You believe you should have this thing, right? Well, I'm 32. I should be married by now. I'm 45. I should have a home in a mortgage by now, but when we're allowing the reason for our desire, we know it exactly why we know exactly why we want the thing, but we're also there.

[00:28:10] Here's the thing we are unconditionally happy, whole worthy fulfilled with, or without. This thing. So whether or not it happens, I'm good. That's a whole different mindset and reason right now, when focusing on your, why really be mindful of whether it is that thing of fixing your life or making you more worthy, valuable, or whole, because that doesn't make you feel so inspired.

[00:28:49] You really have to find a why that is inspiring. Right? And if the only wise you can come up with or uninspiring, then this probably isn't the dream for you. Right? So for example, you want a house and uninspiring. Why is because everyone, my age has one. I don't feel like an adult. This is going to make me feel like less of a man.

[00:29:10] Not so inspiring. Right. And inspiring. Why would be thinking of all the amazing family gatherings? You're going to have music, playing memories, being made a cozy corner to read your books. It's about connection, love community home. Now that's a way more inspiring why. And so for me, when I was trying to find my partner.

[00:29:35] I had to find that inspiring. Why? Because before my, why was, you know, I should be married by now, everyone, your age has a partner you're behind you gotta catch up. But when I found that inspiring why for myself, that's when things really shifted. And it was less about feeling alone, then adding to the amazingness.

[00:30:00] That was my life. Like when I met my partner. I had amazing life. And I still, I mean, I still have an amazing life, but, but he added to that. He wasn't like a missing piece in that he had it to that. Right. So that's what manifestation really is about adding to the amazingness, add into the fulfillment, adding to the wholeness of what you already got.

[00:30:27] And so now we're at the result when we're willing. I manifestation is limited to our imagination. I want you to really think of that when we're willing, we're limited to what we think we should have or what we've seen around us to one we're allowing you create the beyond. You create things beyond what you could have imagined.

[00:30:57] My husband to me, I always say to him, you're beyond your, beyond your beyond what I could have imagined. I could have never written a list with these things because I didn't know a human being could have these things. I had never seen a relationship like this before. And to me, this is one of the most compelling reasons for allowing, because love what you were dreaming.

[00:31:18] Now, the universe is something like 10 fold, more amazing for you. But that can only happen if you allow for it to happen. Yes. You can force your way into what's in your mind right now, but wouldn't it be so amazing if you could allow something even more incredible to happen?

[00:31:42] The result when we're willing, when we get to the end is usually exhaustion. We're dissatisfied. We're like, oh, this was it. Nah, this doesn't feel as amazing as I thought it was going to feel. And we're soon onto the next thing, but when you're allowing, you're able to enjoy, appreciate be in awe and gratitude for what you've manifested.

[00:32:07] So when I met my husband, oh man. He was beyond and I just enjoyed it. And because also we think, okay, well, I'm going to get the manifestation. Everything's going to be fine. No. Now you've manifested a whole grown ass human being okay. With their own opinions and thoughts and preferences and circumstances.

[00:32:30] So it's not like it's easy sailing from there. But if you are not over worrying, trying to control everything, you're allowing that relationship, that job, that home, that process to flow to happen. Right. Like when my husband and I first met, he did not want to get married. And I was like, well, I'm manifesting a marriage.

[00:32:53] Cause that's what I want. And I allowed for that to happen. I didn't force him into it. He was the one who suggested we get married very quickly. He was the one who had that idea. He was like, let's just, let's just do it. So love, I hope this has helped you kind of. I dunno, reflect on how you are creating and realizing your dreams.

[00:33:17] Like, is it really manifestation or are you using that hard work ethic to force your way into things? So I want to leave you with some of my top tips for kind of maybe letting go of the willing and really opening yourself to the allowing. Okay. So we talked already about how manifestation is all about the, what, why, how, and when, and your job is just to know the what and your why.

[00:33:47] Okay. So when you're thinking of your Y. Find an inspiring why find a really inspired why that makes you feel so excited for this thing. One that is void of sheds and have tos and comparisons. And when you're focusing on what you want, I want you to not get too specific. Okay. These specific, but not too specific.

[00:34:14] Okay. I want you to hear me out when I say this, I do want you to have the partner of your dreams of a job of your dreams, right? But sometimes we think we want qualities, but what we're really searching for is the feelings that those qualities will give us. Right. I always say whenever we chase the goal, we're actually chasing a feeling.

[00:34:36] So maybe you want a partner who makes a certain emotion. But maybe income is more about safety and security and stability for you than it is about a certain income bracket. So when it comes to your what, focus on the feelings, what it feels like to be with your partner, what it feels like to be at your dream job, what it feels like to be in your dream home?

[00:35:03] Right this way. We're not limiting to ourselves to what we believe is best for us. And we're allowing the universe to bring the incredible to us, right. This helps with kind of creating that unimaginable. If you know the feelings. Then you get really clear on what it's gonna feel like when it's there and when the unimaginable is there, you're like, yes, that's exactly what happened with my husband.

[00:35:26] I was so clear on the feelings that when he appeared in my life, he didn't have half the things I'd written on my list, right? The income, the, I don't know, height, the whatever. He didn't have half those things, but he made me feel exactly how I imagined. I would feel with my partner. This is a really big one that I really truly love.

[00:35:49] And if you're someone who really does like to control things, then I want you to think of two to three things that you had always dreamed of and that you now have, maybe it's your home, your partner, your amazing hair. Right? Think of small and large things and write down the how, right? The path, the journey to how you got those things.

[00:36:11] Write that down. Bullet points, whatever you want to do, maybe you want to create a map. If you're visual, then look at that. And as you look at that, how ask yourself is this how I imagined I would get this thing? What is surprising you about the journey or the timeline and knowing this, how knowing this, how now in my life, what would I have told myself at the beginning of my journey towards this dream?

[00:36:40] So love, I hope that this episode offered you some nuggets of reflection, some things to think about, and maybe some deeper investigation. I have another podcast, episode manifestation, 1 0 1, where I go deeper into the process of manifestation. But I know that Justin, this episode alone, there is so much to think about and to reflect on.

[00:37:05] And if you got a lot out of this, You will get so, so much out of my love manifestation course, which is going to come out in February. And so again, if you want to get on that wait list. And get some sweet deals and sign up first. Then you want to go to the show notes, to sign up for the waitlist or head to wholehearted-coaching.com/manifest them.

[00:37:31] That's with two T's manifest them. All right. Love until next week. I'll talk to you then. Thank you so much for joining me this week. If you liked this week's episode, please share it with a friend comment and rate this podcast until next week. See you later. Love.