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[00:00:00] Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. If you're looking for more purpose, more passion, more joy in your life than you have come to the right place. I'm your host, coach and life alchemist, Shirin Eskandani. And I have worked with thousands of women showing them how to create their dream lives while living their dream life. [00:00:24] This podcast is where mindset, mindfulness and manifestation meet together. We're going to release limiting beliefs. Put your dreams into motion all while prioritizing your ease, rest and joy. Let's do this love. [00:00:41] Hi love. Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. This is where we take a deeper dive into my mindset Monday post, which you can read on Instagram @wholeheartedcoaching. Or if you want to go even deeper into this week's episode and get my free weekly journal prompts, sign up for my email list and you'll be able to explore the topics we're talking about in this episode. [00:01:06] Even further, you can do that in the show notes or by heading to my website, whole hearted dash coaching doc. And if you're interested in working with me, whether that's one on one, in one of my group programs or one of my transformational courses, you can head to my website, wholehearted-coaching.com/offerings to find out more. [00:01:29] And of course you can also head to the show notes and all of this information. We'll be waiting for you there. All right. Love. Welcome to this week's episode. Today's episode is for anyone who heard this phrase or a variation of this phrase, when they were growing up, you have to finish what you start. [00:01:50] You know, this phrase love, I know you do, perhaps a parent cited to you, a family member, a teacher, maybe it's just something you heard in society in your community, that idea of whatever you start, whatever you embark on, you have to see it through. And that your value as a person, your success rate in life is contingent on hinges on what you finish. [00:02:18] This is such a harmful and toxic narrative. And as we get into 2022, I want us to burn this narrative down because how many times, love, have you seen a goal through achieved a goal? And halfway through thought to yourself. I actually don't know if I want to do this anymore, but you push and willed your way through to the end, whether it was a professional goal, a personal goal, maybe it was a relationship, right? [00:02:51] You think of all those hours, you've spent building this thing up, putting that time, that sweat, that energy into it, and you see things through and you get to the end and you think, oh, I don't even want this so, love, today. In this episode, we are burning down, getting rid of the phrase. You have to finish what you start. [00:03:16] No, no, no, no, no. We are creating a whole new way of being a whole new way of starting and ending and beginning and finishing because love, you do not have to finish anything. Your heart is no longer invested. Today's Mindset Monday reads you don't have to finish what you start, love. You have permission to pivot, to change, to burn it all down. [00:03:46] If something no longer feels right. If it no longer serves you, if it's no longer aligned, then let go. Love. We live in a society that applauds finishing. And we have been really conditioned to believe that finishing and succeeding are one and the same. And that those of us who see things through are worthy of praise and approval. [00:04:14] And that if we don't see things through that, we are a failure that we lack motivation that there is something intrinsically wrong with us. And I really want us to look at this idea again with a new lens, with a new perspective, because love, I know that you have been in a situation in which you knew something that you had set your heart on, set your eyes on wasn't for you. [00:04:43] Maybe it was a month into it, three months into it, a year into it, 10 years into it and something in your body, your mind, your spirit was saying, you know, I don't think this is the thing. And what happens in that moment? Well, if we are not really in touch with our wisdom, if we're not really questioning what we hear from our society, we see it through, right. [00:05:05] We push through that wisdom. We ignore that feeling in our body and we see that thing through. Which makes us sometimes really accomplished people, right? We have these amazing resumes. Perhaps we have these, you know, quote unquote incredible relationships, but inside we are feeling so unfulfilled and so empty because we're not honoring what we actually want to do, which is burn it all down. [00:05:34] So we're going to get into this today because this is a really complex and difficult topic to talk about. Because I think we have so much weight and energy around this idea of accomplishing goals and a lot of the goals that we are accomplishing our goals that we once really wanted to do. You know, of course we have the goals that society tells us we should do and are supposed to do, but I know that we all have encountered those goals that our heart truly wanted. [00:06:04] And then a couple of years in a couple of months in we're like, actually, I don't think I want to do this. What do we do then? So I want to share a story with you, a personal story. Actually, I'm going to share a couple because I have had to really face and challenge this narrative of finish what you start often in my life. [00:06:27] And I'm going to tell you every time I'm like, oh right. The reason why I'm struggling right now is because I think I need to finish what I start. So I'm saying that because I want you to know. That this is a continual practice. So last year I was feeling really exhausted and depleted, and I just felt like when it came to wholehearted coaching, my like love my Schwab Aviva was, was kinda gone. [00:06:54] It was kind of lacking. And, and my vision wasn't as clear, like the vision of what I wanted to be doing and what I was doing. And so I decided to work with a coach. And I knew this was really important for helping me create that vision, getting rooted into that vision, finding my joy again. And one of the things that I intentionally had to do during that time was to stop. [00:07:20] I stopped creating, I stopped making new offers. I stopped doing workshops and masterclasses. I stopped and it was terrifying. It was terrifying. And so many of the way. Because I thought to myself, oh my gosh, if I'm not creating, if I'm not offering new things, my community's going to get smaller. The community that I do have is going to have feelings about it, right. [00:07:44] I'm not offering all these amazing things and also on a very practical level. Um, excuse me. Ma'am how are you going to be making money? So all of these fears and worries around stop. And I knew I had to because I knew I couldn't get clear. I couldn't find what I was searching for. If I kept going the way I was going. [00:08:07] And I want to tell you in that moment, when I decided to stop and pause and pivot, I was terrified. I was terrified of losing you my community. I was terrified of not having enough income. I was terrified of not being someone who was constantly producing and creating and putting things out into the world. [00:08:31] Right? If I'm not a person who is doing who am I, it was terrifying. And now a year later I wanted to do this podcast because the other day I had this insight of holy crap, things are so much easier in my business. As a result in my life because of that pause, because I stopped because I took a moment to shift and reframe and pivot how I was doing things. [00:09:05] I got to tell you things in wholehearted coaching. Are really doing well right now. I'm doing really well right now because of that. Pause that terrifying pause. And let me tell you in that pause, there was a lot of muck and fog and uncertainty. I didn't know what the next step was. And I knew that I could just kind of keep going, keep making upstairs. [00:09:30] But I knew I had to intentionally rest and pause and think, what do I truly want? This was also something that I experienced really deeply about six years ago when I decided to stop singing well, not stop singing altogether. But to also become a coach. Listen, my childhood dream was to become an opera singer. [00:09:55] I mean, this was the dream in my heart. It was what I loved to do the most, but I realized about 10 years into my professional career. That it wasn't truly what I wanted to be doing that while I loved singing. I loved being on stage. I didn't love being a singer. I didn't love what that meant for my personal life. [00:10:19] That career was so up and down, it was so much travel. I couldn't be connected to my community and it really didn't align with what I wanted anymore in my life. And that moment, when I realized I wanted to, I needed to stop singing. Was terrifying because my identity was being a singer. And also, let me tell you, when I got that download, I ignored it. [00:10:45] I ignored it for a few years because one, my identity was being a singer. I didn't know what else I could be doing in the world. There was fear too. I had invested so much of my life, my blood, my sweat, my tears, literally into this career, like so much money, so much energy. So much of my mental and emotional energy had gone towards building this career. [00:11:18] A career that might I add was incredibly successful, incredibly successful, because I know a lot of us listening to this podcast. May have things that are quote unquote incredibly successful and you think to yourself, well, I can't stop doing this now because this is the thing I'm getting money. I'm getting accolades, I'm getting, you know, a wedding engagement, whatever that may be for you, whatever success means to you and the outside world. [00:11:45] And let me tell you, I had that in my singing career and I was like, I, I can't stop doing something that I'm quote unquote succeeding. Even though I was miserable, even though I was exhausted, even though my body spirit and mind were telling me to stop. And the third reason was that a former version of myself really wanted this thing to happen. [00:12:10] I mean, six year old Shirin. Oh, all she wanted to do was sing. All she wanted to do was be on stage. That was her dream. And so there was this immense sense of grief as a way. Absolute sadness. So I'm dealing with this fear, this grief, this identity crisis, and on top of all of that, right? All of that internal stuff, you're going through, you have the worry of the judgment, the judgment of others, the judgment of family and friends, the judgment of yourself because of this crap narrative of you have to finish what you start. [00:12:54] You embarked on the stream. So you got to see it through this narrative compounded with right. My own internal turmoil kept me in my former career for, I would say two to three years longer than I probably knew was best for me. And I had to come to the point where I hit the wall and I had to finally make a decision. [00:13:20] But love. I'm going to tell you the day I gave myself permission to stop to pivot, to even really seriously consider not doing this thing was the day I felt I could take a deep breath again. Here's what I know to be true. We know when something needs to stop when we need to pivot when we need to change or we need to shift our bodies, our minds, our spirits now. [00:13:48] And I also know that we try to logic our way out of this wisdom, right? We try to logic our way into staying in relationships, careers, and lives, even though every part of our being is saying, no, I know this. But what we really have to come to understand is that pivoting stopping, shifting, changing course is not failure. [00:14:17] It's actually the ultimate sign of success. It means you're finally listening to yourself and honoring your wisdom. It means that you finally know what is most important to you and you prioritize only those things that serve you. It means that you finally care more about what you think than what they think. [00:14:39] Love stopping pivoting, shifting questioning is not failure. It's the ultimate sign of self-awareness self-care self-love self-growth. This narrative, we've got to change it. We have got to change this narrative of you have to finish what you start. No, instead we need to start saying stop what doesn't feel, right. [00:15:08] Pivot. When you want to burn it down and start over again, trust your heart and let it go. We need to start a plotting. Those people who honor, when they need to stop, we need to start looking to those people who have pivoted and shifted in their careers time and time again and see what an incredible success they are. [00:15:30] And we need to start seeing ourselves in that same light, that there is nothing wrong with us because we need to stop doing something no matter how much we wanted to do it, no matter how much they want us to do it, there is nothing wrong with us. We are prioritizing what is best for us in those moments. [00:15:51] So love, I want you to think of what maybe you're holding onto right now, because you're afraid of stopping. You're afraid of what you think, what they think you're going through, that grief, that sadness. I want you to think of that thing. What are you afraid to let go of? Because you've poured so much of yourself into it. [00:16:11] What are you afraid to let go of? Because you're afraid what they are going to think of. What are you afraid to let go of? Because you don't know what comes next. I want to tell you love. It's not a waste. It's not a waste of your time. I'm telling you because what you did, then what you have learned now is always going to inform whatever you do in the future, too. [00:16:34] They're going to get over it. Trust me. They will. When they see you thriving, when they see you making those moves, they're going to get over it. And finally, a hundred percent, you are going to figure it out. I want to tell you it's never too late. It's never too late to stop. This is one of the things that I hear so often from clients. [00:16:59] Oh, it's too late. It's too late for me to stop. Maybe it's because of their age. It's because of how much they've invested into this thing. Time, money, energy. No, it's never too late to stop to pivot, to share. And I need you. I want for you, my greatest wish for you is to understand this on a visceral level, that if your body, your mind, your spirit is telling you, Hey, we need to rethink this thing. [00:17:27] We need to pivot and shift a little bit, honor, that there is a beautiful mark NIPPO quote. And I, I can't find it, but it's along the lines of the peak of the mountain is wherever we stopped. The peak of your mountain is wherever you decide to stop. So love maybe for you this moment right now is the peak. [00:17:56] This is it. Look at the view and it's time to go back down that mountain again. So as we finished the podcast, I want you to think of one thing that's really resonating from this episode for you, one idea, a feeling, a thought an aha you're having, and we're going to take a deep breath in and out, and I want you to just really anchor into embrace, embody that thing. [00:18:27] So breathing deeply in holding it at the top and breathing out. Until next week. Love, I will talk to you then. Thank you so much for joining me this week. If you liked this episode, please share it with a friend subscribe or follow where you love listening most. And if you haven't yet leave a review, you can do this on apple podcast, cast box pod, chaser, or podcast addict until next week. [00:19:01] Love.