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[00:00:00] Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. If you're looking for more purpose, more passion, more joy in your life, then you have come to the right place. I am your host, coach and Life Alchemist, Shirin Eskandani. And I have worked with thousands of people showing them how to create their dream lives while also living their dream.

This podcast is where mindset, mindfulness and manifestation meet together. We're going to release limiting beliefs. Put your dreams into motion all while prioritizing your ease, rest and joy. Let's do this love.

Hi love. Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. This is where we take a deeper dive into my Mindset Monday post, which you can read on Instagram at @wholeheartedcoaching.

Or if you want to go even deeper into this week's episode and get my free weekly journal prompts, sign up for my email list and you'll be able to explore the topics we're talking about in this episode. Even further, you can do that in the show notes or by heading to my website: wholehearted-coaching.com.

And if you're interested in working with me, whether that's one-on-one in one of my group programs or one of my transformational courses, you can head to my website, wholehearted-coaching.com/offerings to find out more. And of course you can also head to the show notes and all of this information will be waiting for you there.

[00:01:36] All right. Love. Welcome to this week's episode.

[00:01:47] So on last week's episode, I shared with you that this week's episode was going to be extremely personal, that I was going to be sharing some very intimate stories about my life over the last couple months. And yes, today's episode is going to be a lot of storytelling. And me sharing a lot of intimate details about what's been going on in my life.

[00:02:11] And I want to let you know that everyone is safe. Everyone is okay, everyone is healthy, but I was supposed to be getting married yesterday. If you're listening to this podcast, live May 29th was supposed to be my wedding in Spain and a spoiler alert, um, that did not happen. And if you're listening to this live, I am supposed to be on my honeymoon in Greece right now.

[00:02:41] And spoiler alert. I actually am on my honeymoon in grace because even though the wedding did not happen, we decided to go on our honeymoon. So this episode is all about what the hell happened and about the growth that I have experienced over the last few months and the lessons I've learned. And I really wanted to share the story with you because.

[00:03:02] I am in this with you. I am in this muck. I am in this growth. I am in the self-development with you and I am learning as I go along. So I wanted this to be a really candid episode of the ups and downs of planning, a wedding, canceling a wedding, going on a honeymoon, planning, another wedding. It has been a wild ride.

[00:03:23] Y'all. And I knew that I had to share this journey with you all, because I think that there is something in this story for everyone, this isn't a story about getting married or having a wedding. So if that's not your deal, don't worry, but this is a story about having something that's really important to you and it not going the way that you want it to.

[00:03:46] It's a story of being attached to something so badly and wanting it to happen. And literally every force in the universe telling you this, ain't it. And you having to navigate the disappointment and the sadness and the grief. This is a story of having a dream and almost realizing it, and then realizing that you have to pivot and shift what your dream is.

[00:04:13] So again, if weddings aren't your jam, do not worry. This story is for you. I was recently listening to a Glennon Doyle podcast episode. And she said that we should be sharing our stories from the scars, not the wounds. Right. So not when the incident is really fresh and we're still in the feelings of it all.

[00:04:36] But once we have that outside perspective about it, and I think I'm there, I really think I'm there to share this story with you from the scars, with humor, with grace, with perspective. So this whole episode is about how my wedding wasn't yesterday and how I navigated this time and what tools helped me, what lessons I've learned.

[00:04:57] And I really hope that you also resonate with this story. So today's mindset Monday reads, you know, the work is working. Not because life becomes less challenging or difficult, but because you navigate the challenges with more ease, You handle the difficulties with more grace. Okay. So let's get into the story of the wedding that never was, but that possibly could be.

[00:05:26] So my husband and I are actually married. That's why I call him my husband. We did get married. So we got married in January, 2019, and we had a really beautiful, but small courthouse wedding here in New York city because of some personal circumstances. We had to get married quite quickly. And so we put together this beautiful little wedding of ours and our immediate family attended and our close friends who live here in New York city were able to come.

[00:05:56] But a lot of our friends and family couldn't make it. My sister, my aunties, my cousins. So a lot of people that I really had wanted to be at my wedding, we're not there. So we have this courthouse ceremony, and I knew that I wanted to plan something bigger. So as we were thinking of places to have this bigger wedding, I thought of Spain first I am a Leo and I'm all about the drama in Spain is just so beautiful.

[00:06:27] So that's number one, but more importantly. I have a lot of family that lives in the middle east and in Iran. And so Spain was kind of this midway point for all of our friends and family and relations. And there was also a very good personal reason for having it in Spain, about five or six months into when Roger and I started to date seriously, we were invited to a wedding in the south of France.

[00:06:52] And the easiest way to get to this wedding was to fly into Barcelona and to drive up the coast of Spain to the south of France. And so on our way to the wedding, I was looking on Google maps and I realized that there was this really beautiful botanical garden. That was about an hour outside of Barcelona.

[00:07:09] And he went to this botanical garden and it was stunning. It overlooked the ocean and there was these beautiful plants and flowers. And it was the first time that Raj and I looked at each other and we said, We're going to get married one day and we should get married here. Like we literally videotape this y'all and you know how much I believe in manifestation.

[00:07:33] So when we were thinking of this bigger wedding, I was like, you know what, I'm going to go check out that beautiful garden we went to. So I went and looked it up and the garden, they didn't do weddings. However, there was this beautiful convent, about 20 minutes from that guy. And it overlooked the same ocean and it looked the same as beautiful lush gardens and they did weddings again.

[00:07:58] I was like universe coming in clutch. This wedding is meant to be so things happened. I got a wedding planner. I booked the space and our wedding date, our big wedding date with all of our family and friends was going to be on September, 2020. Okay. So I think we all know what happened to that wedding. It did not happen because we were in the midst of a global day.

[00:08:28] So when that happened, when that wedding was canceled, I remember not feeling so bad about it because everything was being canceled. Right. Everything around us was falling apart and it just, it didn't seem important at the time. And I thought, you know what? It's okay. We'll just reschedule the sweating.

[00:08:44] We'll reschedule it to a later date when this pandemic stuff is a thing of the past. Okay. So we planned the second wedding for June, 2021. And as we probably are figuring out by now, I had to cancel that as well, because things were still not great things. Weren't great in Spain at the time. And so we had to cancel that we rescheduled.

[00:09:08] Okay. So the third wedding date, third, time's a charm, may 20. 2022, this was the date. This was the date that we were going to get married, have our big wedding, have all of our friends and family there. And I got to wear the beautiful wedding dress that I had picked out three years. Previous y'all this wedding dress has been in my closet for three years.

[00:09:34] When I recorded this podcast, I recorded in my closet facing this damn wedding dress that I have not had the privilege of wearing. For three years. Okay. So I'm going to get to wear my wedding dress. I'm going to have this beautiful Spanish wedding of my dreams on May 29th, 2022. Okay. So what happened?

[00:09:56] Why did wedding date number three get canceled? So about six months ago, it was clear that there were going to be some issues. We found that a lot of people that were very near and dear to us couldn't come to the wedding because of costs because of COVID because of all the reasons, but then a lot of people that we really loved and had wanted to be at the wedding couldn't come, but that was okay.

[00:10:21] I was like, you know, it's a destination wedding, things happen. It's a global pandemic. Still times are rough. I totally understand Spanish wedding it's happening universe. Come on. And then two months ago, someone very important to us told us that they couldn't come to the wedding because of certain health reasons.

[00:10:43] And when they told us this a voice inside me just said, Shirin, you have to cancel this wedding. You can't have this wedding. And so on March 28th, I sent out an email to all our family and friends. That we had to cancel the wedding again. I had to send an email out to people who had bought their tickets, who had booked their flights.

[00:11:14] We had done the same. We had put down all these deposits down. And even though this was such a hard thing to do, it was the right thing to do. I talk so much here about intuition of how sometimes intuition tells us to do things that seem not right, but are right. And this was one of those moments. And I knew it was one of those moments because when I sent that email out, I felt the rightness of it in my bones.

[00:11:45] I felt I could take a deep breath again. I felt I could just let out a sigh of relief. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. And I know it will not be the hardest thing ever in my life, but it was a really damn hard thing to do for so many reasons. First, obviously the financial reasons, putting our friends out, I felt so terrible about that.

[00:12:10] Our family and friends who had invested money into coming had taken time off at arranged families to come take care of their kids. I felt bad because of the financial reasons that are financial reasons of, of all the deposits I knew we will lose. I also felt terrible because this was my dream wedding.

[00:12:32] I had literally imagined this day for two plus years of what this day was going to be like the flower arrangement. The music playing y'all. We were going to have a flamenco band and a whole hormone, a leg of ham that people were going to cut off and just eat. Now I know that doesn't sound sexy or romantic, but listen, I was so excited for this Hummel, but seriously, I had dreamed about this wedding.

[00:13:07] I had wanted this wedding. I had manifested this wedding. But I also knew I had to cancel this wedding. I want to tell you how I knew and how I navigated this moment, because I have never been more proud of myself than I have been over the last couple of months of how I dealt with the pain of how I made my decision.

[00:13:29] Of how I did the hard things. I've never been more proud of myself. I can honestly say that because I could see a former version of myself pushing through and having this wedding just because I wanted to have it. And then realizing on the wedding day that this was not what I was meant to do, because the people that I loved most were not there.

[00:13:51] So one of the best pieces of advice I got early on in the wedding process was from a good friend who is a wedding planner. And she said to me, Shirin, you have to know the intention behind your wedding. Clearly know why you are throwing this wedding because you can get so distracted by the tiny little details, the details like the cutlery and flowers and twinkle lights, right?

[00:14:16] All of these things. No, the intention behind your wedding. And I thought, oh my gosh, this is what I talk about all the time in my coaching practice. No, the feeling behind why you want the thing, right. Get rooted in the feelings, feel the feelings. What is the why for this date? So very early on, and this was before the September, 2020 wedding.

[00:14:42] I knew that this wedding was about family and connection. It was about celebrating our love with the people in our lives that we love the most about partying with them, about being with them. That was the point of this wedding. And so knowing that deep, why really for me was like a north star because when the wedding didn't happen in September, 2020, I was like, yeah, that makes sense.

[00:15:08] My loved ones can't be there. This is dumb. And when it couldn't happen in June, 2021, same thing. And with this date with May 29th, finding out that a lot of our friends and family couldn't come and finding out that this really close family friend couldn't come. That just was the answer for me. The answer was this wedding can't happen because the whole intention behind the wedding, the whole, why is about being with those.

[00:15:38] We love the most. And if those we love the most cannot be. Then this wedding date could be the most beautiful day with the best flamenco music and the best Harmon ever, but it's not going to feel the way that I wanted it to feel. I can't tell you what a transformational key. This was for me, always grounding into the feelings.

[00:16:02] Always remembering the intention, always remembering the why. That really helped me so much in deciding that I had to cancel the one. If the, why wasn't there, if the intention wasn't there, if the feelings weren't there, then this wasn't my dream. Right. It looked like my dream and it, all of the parts of my dream, but I knew that I would get there to the wedding date.

[00:16:22] I would look out at who was sitting in those seats. And while there would be so many people I loved there, it wouldn't be everyone that I loved. So that helped me another thing that really helped me. And I think this was the universe having a helping hand. Was that in December, I signed up for a breath work certification, a new breathwork certification with this teacher that I really love.

[00:16:49] And so from January until the end of March, I was going through this breath work intensive. And as part of the program, I had to have a daily pranayama practice. Pranayama is yoga. I also was doing conscious breath work every week. That's when we would meet. And in March I had to do two breathwork sessions every week.

[00:17:14] And also as part of the program, I had to be reading a bunch of books on trauma and mindfulness and, and all of the things that I needed to be practicing, like from January to March, what I needed at the most, when I needed to be the most grounded in the most self-regulate. I was because of my daily practice because of my weekly breath work.

[00:17:37] And because of all of the books that I was reading in the content I was consuming. So I was really having to learn about and practice the work during my breathwork sessions, I would cry and I would yell during my meditations every morning, I would take time to really ground myself. And all of these things helped me so much with processing the heavy emotions that came about having to deal with this wedding stuff.

[00:18:08] Right. Of really understanding about six months ago, when people said they couldn't come that, oh, this wedding is not going to be what I thought it was. And then when two months ago I had to cancel, I really could navigate the sadness and the frustration and the disappointment and the grief. I didn't try to bypass.

[00:18:28] I allowed myself to feel all of it. And I know that this was a huge part of how I was able to get to the other side of this hole and get to the other side of this with a clear mind and heart. When things get really difficult, one of the first things to go is actually our mindfulness practice or our daily self-care practices.

[00:18:49] And listen, I am like everyone in the world. I do that as well. And I think if it wasn't for this certification for this program, I would have probably completely overthrown my self-care practices, but I couldn't write, I couldn't because I was doing this certification. And I had to be doing the practices each and every damn day.

[00:19:12] And that was an anchor for me. So finding an anchor during these moments is so incredibly important. My anchors were these practices, my breath work practice, my pranayama, the reading that I was doing, I was also journaling. I was also reaching out to my community. So these became my anchors. Right. So having one.

[00:19:35] A really clear intention, a really clear why knowing the feelings that I wanted for this wedding to having an anchor, to help me navigate the ups and downs of this entire experience. And finally three listening to my intuition. Y'all when I sent out that email saying that the wedding wasn't going to happen.

[00:20:01] It was one of those things where as a coach, I really realized that I'm like practicing what I preach, you know, doing the hard thing, but really listening to my gut and knowing that this was the right thing to do. It really was, if I'm being honest, I think maybe my intuition had been telling me this for possibly a month before I made the decision.

[00:20:27] But just like with intuition, she is soft. She is steady and she knows that you will listen to her. I'm so grateful for her. I'm so grateful. I listened to her. I'm so grateful that I was able to tap into that and listen to it because this could be a very different podcast episodes. This could be a podcast episode about how I had a wedding and it wasn't the wedding that I thought it was going to be, even though everything about it was perfect on the outside that it wasn't the wedding that I really wanted deep in my heart.

[00:21:00] And that's okay too. We learn from those experiences, but I am so incredibly grateful that I was able to put the work into practice. It's been hard. It's been difficult. It's been messy. Lots of tears and lots of ugly cries, but I'm so glad I'm here on the side of it with this awareness. And again, I'm so damn proud of myself.

[00:21:26] I'm so damn proud of myself for canceling a wedding. Boop. So we're on our honeymoon right now. And I'll report back to you about how amazing it is. We're also planning another wedding for the fall. I will not be telling you any details because I just want to keep that close to my heart, but we've picked a new location and this location is one that we know is going to work for the people who we really love and who are really dear to us.

[00:22:00] Right. I went back to the drawing board. And really realized, okay. If the intention behind the wedding is to have loved ones there, how can we make it easiest for them to be there? And how can I still be happy amongst all of this? Right. And I think we've found a really nice balance of all of that. And I promise you that I'll tell you all about that wedding when it does happen, but y'all, I am recording this podcast in my closet, looking at my wedding dress with a smile on my face.

[00:22:32] 'cause, this is, this is the work y'all, it's messy and it is hard and it is so incredibly annoying, but it's also incredible. So, okay. While in real time, I am on my honeymoon. I am recording this podcast before. There will be podcast episodes for the next month. And I have something really, really special planned for you all.

[00:23:02] You'll see. But June is going to be in credible. I have some really big surprises in store for you and you'll find out next week. I know it's just a bunch of surprises, but as I close out this episode, I just want to let you know how much I appreciate you, how grateful I am for you. Thank you for being part of this journey.

[00:23:24] Thank you for being part of the whole hearted community. I love sharing my story, my life, my work with you. Thank you for being here and thank you for listening. All right. So as we close out, I want you to think of one thing that's really resonating with you from today's episode, and we're going to take a deep breath in and out, and I want you to just hold.

[00:23:48] That thought that insight at the top of the breath. So breathing in holding that intention and breathing out

[00:24:03] until next week. I'll talk to you then. Thank you so much for joining me this week. If you liked this episode, please share it with a friend subscribe or follow where you love listening. And if you haven't yet leave a review, you can do this on apple podcasts, Castbox pod chaser, or podcast addict until next week.

[00:24:27] Love.