I’m not sure how this happened, but somehow we are just a few weeks away from the end of the year. With that, we are also on the precipice of the holiday season.

This can be a very activating time of year. There’s a lot of amazing things happening, but it’s also a time when we have to face many challenges and difficulties that come with this time of year.

Today, we’re talking about the 1 tool we all need to get ready for this holiday season, to get ready for the end of the year, and to get ready to truly go after the dreams we really want.

Before we dive in…

Applications for The Wholehearted Life Coaching Certification are due December 3rd!

I have shared this dream with you all for a while now through big announcements and preview announcements, and now you can apply to become a heart-centered coach. If you’ve ever dreamed of coaching others towards a life they truly love and doing so with so much care, skill, and ethics, this is the opportunity for you, love. If you’d love to learn more, just head to wholeheartedcertification.com/programs.

Our next cohort begins January 2024 and there are only a few spaces left.

“I am afraid if I am kind to myself, I…”

What comes up when you hear this?

In a recent conversation in my group coaching program Wholehearted Woman, I presented this prompt to our community.

One of the participants visibly looked like something had shifted within her. They shared that in answering the prompt, they realized they are afraid that if they are kind to themselves, they won’t be motivated. They won’t want to push themselves to do more, to strive more, to move forward.

Many of us have this belief that if we are kinder to ourselves then we won’t progress, succeed, or excel in life.

Truth is we do not trust self-compassion.

We don’t trust being kind to ourselves. But coincidentally, we do understand how important it is. We do it to others pretty often. But, when it comes to ourselves, we are exempt from it.

We feel we don’t deserve it.

That we aren’t worthy of it.

That if we want to go after our biggest dreams, we MUST be unkind to ourselves to make sure we reach those goals.

As dreamers, we often use self-criticism as our fuel. Honestly, this is how I used to go after my biggest dreams. For the longest time, my inner voice pushed me towards these big goals in the most unkind ways.

And while this voice got me far, it also made me uttery miserable. When I reached that finish line, I was depleted and exhausted and wondering, “Was this actually worth it?”

We hear so often in the world of wellness to “be more kind to yourself” and “give yourself grace” but we don’t actually trust those things. I had built 30+ years of life on self-criticism so there was this huge part of me that felt that this whole being “nice” to yourself was NOT what go-getters did.

Ask yourself this:

Do I trust self-compassion?

Do I really think self-compassion is the key to my motivation and success?

Self-Compassion is the Key

It’s the key to sustainability. The key to resilience. To seeing things through. To thriving.

We all need, deserve, and are worthy of self-compassion.

However, we hold a lot of biases against it.

We believe that if we are kind to ourselves that we will become lazy, that we won’t be driven to do more, that we’ll become weak and won’t be motivated to change or do more.

When we make a mistake, we think we have to be hard on ourselves or else we’ll just keep making that mistake again and again.

If we want to fully create and cultivate anything new for ourselves, such as self-compassion, we have to first figure out what’s holding us back from it. A great place to start is with the prompt I shared earlier:

I am afraid if I am kind to myself, I…

What does this have to do with the holiday season?

This can be a time of year that causes many of us to become activated. We spend a good 11 months out of the year livng and doing things as we please and now, we have to spend time with family and friends that may really bring out some of our more undesired parts. It’s also a time where we look back over the year to think of all the things we’ve accomplished (or didn’t).

It’s a time where we can become so judgmental of ourselves and pack on all the shame and guilt.

But there’s one thing that is the true antidote to all of this: self-compassion.

Self-compassion is the moment where you can pause, take a deep breath, and say, “It’s okay.” It’s the moment you can choose kindness and acknowledge all you had on your plate this year, where you can honor all you did accomplish, that you did your best. That’s self-compassion.

Tara Brach says:

Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self-hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance.

Self-compassion doesn’t mean that we become lazy or complacent. It means that we don’t spend hours, days, weeks being unkind to ourselves. Study after study shows that self-compassionate people are incredibly driven folks who are more resilient, focused, and creative.

So, while we’re out here looking for the next best tip or the biggest hack, the answer lies simply in being kinder to yourself.

Tune into this week’s podcast episode — 172 | The 1 Holiday Tool We All Need — to hear the full episode and hear 3 mindfulness practices to grow your own self-compassion.

If you’re ready to hold spaces for others as a certified life coach, I invite you to apply to become a heart-centered coach with me in The Wholehearted Coaching Certification Program.

Applications are now open and our next cohort begins January 2024.

Did you know that each podcast episode comes with free guided journal prompts?

If you want to be in the know and get each Mindset Monday straight to your inbox complete with journal prompts to take you even further, get on my email list.

About your host, Shirin Eskandani