A few months ago, I introduced a series on Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast called “Wholehearted Sessions.”

These are live coaching sessions that I feature with the consent of my client and it's something I've wanted to do for a while.

I personally love podcasts that feature live therapy sessions. I learn so much as a coach and as a person and I wanted to create the coaching version of it.

So, in this particular session, we kick things off with a desire to explore why it’s so hard to ask for help. This is something I feel we all can resonate with.

It's something we all know we need to do but so often resist.

In this session, I get to share something I truly love about the coaching experience. Often, clients will come in with something that seems so simple, and in our time together, we’ll uncover something much, much deeper.

Before we dive in…

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“I just need to ask for some help.”

She said this at the very top of our session together.

Overwhelmed by both personal and professional obligations, she knew she had too much on her plate. She knew that the answer to her problems was to ask for help.

But even though she had known this for months, for some reason, she kept delaying.

She kept trying to do it alone.

She kept avoiding reaching out.

She kept distancing herself from those she loved.

So here she was in our session, asking me to devise a plan so she could ask for help.

As her coach though, I knew the answer wasn’t a plan.

The answer lay deeper.

Here’s the thing…

Whenever we delay doing something important to us, it isn’t because of a lack of ability or skill. It’s because of an abundance of fear.

Maybe it’s the fear of rejection.

The fear of judgment.

The fear of uncertainty.

Or the fear of failing.

But usually, when we go against what is best for us, it’s not because of some personal failing, it’s because we’re just really afraid.

The truth is, most of us don’t know how to navigate our fear.

Heck, most of us don’t even know we’re afraid.

My client certainly didn’t.

Fear shows up in so many different ways

It can show up as procrastination, avoidance, perfectionism or self-criticism (these are just a few of the ways it manifests).

In short, fear shows up as resistance.

Working with my client, knowing she had been resisting reaching out for months, I knew that a superficial answer to her problems wasn’t the answer.

Sure, I could have told her to contact 5 people and ask for their help. But, that wouldn’t be getting to the root of what was going on.

I knew we had to go deeper.  We had to find the fear.

As we went deeper and started to explore, we discovered what she was afraid of: being let down.

What if I ask for help and they say no?

What if I ask for help and they can’t do it?

What if I ask for help and they reject me?

It was when we navigated through fear that she was able to move past the resistance.

So, love, the reason why you're delaying isn't because you're lazy or that you don't know what you're doing.  It's that you're scared.

Find the fear.  That's where the answer is.

I encourage you to tune in and listen to this episode.

There is also a bonus inner child meditation for you to try right along with the client.

Bonus: Journal Prompts

Try these journal prompts and see what comes up for you, love

• Think of something you have been delaying doing.  Something that means a lot to you.

• Allow yourself some space and silence and see if you can find the fear that is connected to doing this thing (ie. fear of failure, judgment, uncertainty)

• If you can find the fear, allow it some space to voice what it is afraid of.

• Once it has shared its fears, talk to it lovingly and compassionately, offering it acknowledgment but also reassurance

• After you have done this, check-in and see if anything has shifted
  

Tune into the podcast to hear the full episode — 190 | Wholehearted Sessions: “It’s hard to ask for help”

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About your host, Shirin Eskandani