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[00:00:00] Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. If you're looking for more purpose, more passion, more joy in your life, then you have come to the right place. I am your host, coach and Life Alchemist, Shirin Eskandani. And I have worked with thousands of people showing them how to create their dream lives while also living their dream.

This podcast is where mindset, mindfulness and manifestation meet together. We're going to release limiting beliefs. Put your dreams into motion all while prioritizing your ease, rest and joy. Let's do this love.

Hi love. Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. This is where we take a deeper dive into my Mindset Monday post, which you can read on Instagram at @wholeheartedcoaching.

Or if you want to go even deeper into this week's episode and get my free weekly journal prompts, sign up for my email list and you'll be able to explore the topics we're talking about in this episode. Even further, you can do that in the show notes or by heading to my website: wholehearted-coaching.com.

And if you're interested in working with me, whether that's one-on-one in one of my group programs or one of my transformational courses, you can head to my website, wholehearted-coaching.com/offerings to find out more. And of course you can also head to the show notes and all of this information

[00:01:35] will be waiting for you there. All right, love. Welcome to this week's episode. So I want to start today's episode with a scenario, a scenario that I see really often as a coach. A lot of the times when new clients come to work with me, or even clients who are considering to work with me, right. They've booked a discovery call.

[00:01:56] They come to me, oftentimes doing all of the right things. They're doing the things that helped them make their dreams come true. Right? So maybe they have worked with business coaches. They have lots of tools and ideas. They are, you know, if they're trying to find a partner they're on all the dating apps, they're going out there, they're doing their thing.

[00:02:18] They are really doing all of the right actions to make their dream a reality. However, that thing is not happening. And it seems like no matter how many tools they have or connections, they have, how many times they put themselves out there, their dream is not coming true. It's not being realized. And they come to me with so much shame and blame and guilt, right?

[00:02:46] Like I'm doing all of the right things. Why is my business not happening? Why is my passion project still just a passion project? Why am I not meeting this human that I want to spend the rest of my life? And there are many reasons why last week we looked at one of them, which is fear, right? Fear often holds us back.

[00:03:07] But in this case with these clients, there wasn't fear, right? Because they were actually doing the thing. But what I found with these clients with these humans was that they didn't believe that they could have the things that they wanted to have. What I have come to understand is that if you do not believe that you can have that dream, if you do not believe that you can achieve that goal, then it doesn't matter how many hacks or tools or certifications or programs or coaches or connections you have love.

[00:03:40] The issue is that you do not believe you can have that thing or that you deserve that thing, or that you are worthy of that. You do not believe that people like you get to have things like these, you do not believe that people like you get to live a life where these things come true. So love today, we're working on belief.

[00:04:05] We're working on, how can we believe in our biggest dreams? How can we have faith in our biggest dreams? This, my love is the key is the key, not just to achieving our goals. But it's the key to achieving our goals with more joy and with more ease. So in today's episode, we're looking at mindset work. Now, listen, when I say mindset work, I think there's a lot of preconceived notions misconceptions about what that is.

[00:04:36] And I think the world of wellness has let us down when it comes to the idea of what mindset work actually is. Mindset work right now has gotten really confused with positivity, false positivity. We think of mindset work, and we think that we're supposed to say positive things to ourselves all the time that we're not supposed to have a negative thoughts, that it's all positivity all the time.

[00:05:00] I am enough. I am worthy. I have got this and love. I'm here to tell you that is not what mindset work is. Mindset work to me is about deep here. It's the ability to become really aware of how you are thinking, and then the ability to choose something different, but to choose something different that you can actually believe in this.

[00:05:24] Because we have all been there, right. That moment when you're about to embark on a big dream and insecurity and self-doubt are so strong and you try to say some sort of positive affirmation or thought that you think you're supposed to say, right? Like, you're like, I got this, I know what I'm doing. I, I belong here.

[00:05:45] And no part of you believes anything you're saying, right. You're saying this affirmation and it's not working. And so then you feel worse about yourself because this affirmation that's supposed to help you, isn't helping you. And so then you think, oh, well I'm just a lost cause. No love. You are not a lost cause you're not the problem.

[00:06:06] It's that positive affirmation. So today's episode is all about. How to create thoughts that you can believe today. It's about mindset work that is achievable. That is attainable mindset work that meets you where you are at. And by the end of this episode, love you. We'll have some new empowering phrases that I promise you are going to transform your life.

[00:06:33] So I know I've been saying this for a couple of episodes now, but you need to grab a paper or a pen or a Google doc, or just open up your notes on your phone or your computer, whatever that is, because there's going to be a lot of information in this episode, information that is going to shift a lot for you.

[00:06:51] And we're talking all about mindset work. We're going so deep in the podcast for the last couple of weeks, because the doors to the alchemy collective are open. The alchemy collective is my 12 month membership where you learn how to finally make your dreams a reality in a way where there is joy, ease and grace in a way that is sustainable in a way in which not only your dreams thrive, but you also thrive love in The Collective.

[00:07:21] You get three group coaching calls. Uh, private monthly podcast, monthly journal prompts, monthly somatic practices like breath, work, tapping and meditations. You get my course inner compass, the course for free and so much more. We dive deep into topics like mindset, work, topics that are in service of your growth, your healing and your dreams.

[00:07:45] Love dreams. Take time, patience, support, and community. To blossom and bloom. And this is the work that we do in the collective together. So doors are open until April 29th. You can head to whole hearted-coaching.com/alchemy to find out what. Or you can go to the show notes. So just as a heads up, the work that we're doing today in this episode comes straight from The Alchemy Collective.

[00:08:17] So if this resonates with you, if this creates aha moments and insights, could you imagine what is possible when you and I do this work together live? All right. Let's get into this week's mindset Monday. It reads. Faith and fear are two sides of the same coin. One is the belief that it will never work out.

[00:08:40] The other is the belief that it will, you get to choose which side you believe love. So often we embark on the most important goals of our life with the underlying belief that this won't work out. So, you know what, don't get your hopes too high. Okay. So we go through the motions, we do the things we're supposed to.

[00:09:01] But with this feeling in our gut, this discomfort, this heaviness, this fog in our mind, this fog that just makes us feel all the self doubt and insecurity this feeling that makes us feel not so motivated. And we do this, we say this, right? We say this won't work. Not because we're psychics, not because we know the future, but it's because we've been conditioned to think this way.

[00:09:29] We have been conditioned to choose the future where we always lose. I want you to hear that again. We have been conditioned to choose the future where we always lose and we would rather be surprised if we. Does that resonate when I say it to you? Because I know that that phrase did for me. I lived my life choosing the future where I would lose, but deep down, hoping that the outcome would surprise me that it will be different from what I wanted.

[00:10:05] And as we go through this episode, we're going to understand why this mindset does not serve us. It gets in the way of so much. Not just our results, but also our joy and our ease. So let's talk about this conditioning, right? So first our minds are geared towards the negative. This is called the negativity bias, our minds search for the negative negative outcomes, negative news, negative results.

[00:10:33] And this is because of evolution. Our ancestors had to pay attention to the bad, the dangerous, the negative threats in the. It was literally a matter of life and death for them. So we've kind of inherited this evolutionary, this biological way of thinking, but we've also been raised in a society that really doubles down on this wiring.

[00:10:56] This biology we've been raised in a society and cultures in families that promote expecting the worst. And this is especially true. If you come from a background, a childhood in which things weren't really safe or secure, if you come from a background with trauma, if you come from a community that is historically marginalized, for those of us who have experienced those difficulties, things like hope and faith and trust do not feel comfortable.

[00:11:27] What does feel comfortable is expecting the worst? That's what we've seen. That's what we expect. And that's, what's been told to us time. And again, this was true for me growing up in my household, I came from a household where we immigrated during a war. Man, let me tell you, there was not a lot of positive outlooks in my household.

[00:11:50] So when we become aware of our mindset, right, that's the first step of mindset work. It's how are you thinking now? As we think of all of these things, these forces, these factors outside of us that have conditioned us to think negatively. I want us to release some of the shame and the blame and the guilt.

[00:12:08] We feel like, why am I thinking so negative? Well, love your thinking. So negative, because that is what has been reinforced and shown to you. That is what you heard in your family. That is what society told you. That is what your deep ancestral lineage also has embedded within you. So I want us to release that shame and blame and guilt and have some compassion and love for ourselves.

[00:12:33] Some tenderness, again, mindset work is about healing becoming aware of. Wow. Okay. I can understand why I am thinking this way and I can hold some love and compassion for. And I also know that I can shift that I can change it. And let me tell you if you're not so sure if you can shift it, I am proof of this work.

[00:12:55] I am proof that you can take that negative mindset that was handed to you that was given to you that you did not want, and you can transmute it into something so damn beautiful. One of the biggest fears I hear from people when we work on mindset work, when we work on creating these new thoughts, these thoughts that are really more in support of your dreams is that there is this fear that if I expect things to work out, I'm going to be really hurt and disappointed on the other side.

[00:13:27] Right. What I said earlier in the podcast where we would rather choose a future where we lose. And we'd rather just be surprised if we don't lose. So it's this idea of, well, I'd rather choose the future where I lose, because at least then I won't be hurt or disappointed. And so we think that if we think this way that we will be less hurt, that we'll be less disappointed that if we expect the worst, we're going to be prepared and more ready.

[00:13:56] And here's the truth I want to share with you. And I know it's a truth that is going to resonate with you. We're still hurt when it doesn't work. We are still disappointed when it does not work out because deep down, deep down in our soul, we wanted this thing to actually happen. Love. I want you to be honest, you know, it's true.

[00:14:16] Expecting the worst does not make it any less painful, any less hurtful, any less disappointing. It does not make you any more prepared any more on top of it. It still totally sucks when that thing doesn't happen. But when we expect the worst, what we have done is taken the entire enjoyment out of the process.

[00:14:37] We've been bracing ourselves for the worst during the entire journey, not realizing that we are experiencing the worst as we go towards the school. I had a coach once described this to me as going on a rollercoaster ride, thinking it's going to crash the entire time. So right. Your eyes are closed. Your body is all closed up.

[00:14:57] You're bracing yourself for the worst. And then you get to the end and you're like, wait, I missed out on all of the fun. So when we expect the worst, we're just robbing ourselves of joy. We're robbing ourselves of ease and I believe we're also robbing ourselves of results. Because when you believe it's not going to work out, the likelihood of it not working out is higher.

[00:15:19] And listen, I'm not even talking about manifestation, even though, you know, I, a hundred percent believe in manifestation, you can listen to all my podcast episodes on manifestation. But what I'm talking about is looking at your thoughts and looking at the trajectory they take you and your life on, which is what mindset work is.

[00:15:40] But before we go into mindset work, before I share with you my faith over fear formula, I want to say one more thing, which has nothing to do with results. I know that we can also achieve the things that we want with a really negative mindset. We can achieve amazing things in life thinking you have no idea what you're doing.

[00:16:00] We can achieve amazing things in life thinking this is just never going to work. I know this to be true, because this has happened in my life. It happened in my life before I started doing this work. Right. I achieved really amazing things, thinking really crappy things, but here's what I'm going to tell you is that every time I achieved those amazing things, I was miserable and I was exhausted and it would get to the goal or the dream.

[00:16:28] And I just be like, oh, okay, great. That is what mindset work also gives us. It's not just about the results coming true. It's about the, how, how the journey feels, how the journey is. We can achieve some amazing things, thinking thoughts that are really unsupportive, really unkind, but we all know what that process is like.

[00:16:53] It's exhausting and it's tiring and it doesn't really motivate you to keep wanting to do different and more and bigger. So when we think about mindset, work again, love, I don't want you to just think it's about, oh, if I think this way, then all the things I want in life are going to happen. Yes. But also it's going to make that journey towards your goals so much more incredible.

[00:17:17] So let's get into mindset. The phrases and the words you use as you chase after your dreams really matter, because they dictate how you feel, which in turn dictates how you act and how you act creates the results in your life. So I want you to take a moment and consider this. How do you feel internally when you say a phrase like this probably won't work.

[00:17:43] So just checking in with the emotions, emotions like hopeless, defeated, sad, happy, whatever that is for you. How do you feel when you say to yourself, this probably won't work out. So now that you have those feelings, I want you to think what kind of action do I want to take when I feel this way? Or what kind of action don't I take when I feel this?

[00:18:09] So if I'm feeling hopeless or defeated or frustrated, what kind of action do I take? Or what kind of action don't I take, maybe you're thinking well, when I feel hopeless and defeated, I don't want to do much or I give up or I take really small indecisive steps. I second, guess myself, I take the steps, but it feels so difficult.

[00:18:31] I do it begrudgingly. Okay. So now that you have your actions or your inactive. What would the result of all of that be? So the results could include not doing the thing you want to do. It could include doing the thing you want to do, but it's exhausting doing the thing you want to do, but making it a more small version of the thing you really desire.

[00:18:53] So in this example, we're seeing how this thought, this thought of this probably won't work out, can totally shift our experience and the results. The truth is that we have to start to choose faith. And when I say faith, when we think of the word faith that has all to do with belief, what are you believing?

[00:19:15] And in mindset work, we say that a belief is just a repeated thought. So what are the thoughts that you have on repeat love as you go after your wild, amazing dream? And when we choose faith in mindset work, it's about becoming intentional with our thoughts and our beliefs. Because if we think in a way that is empowering and supportive, then we can do big things in a way where there is joy and ease.

[00:19:45] For me, choosing faith means choosing better thoughts. And I'm not saying the best thoughts, just better thoughts, better than what you're thinking right now. Just a little bit better because better thoughts, screen better feelings, which create better actions, which create better results. And again, this isn't about false positivity or hollow positive affirmations.

[00:20:09] No, this is about beliefs. We have faith in things we believe this is why so many of us help our friends make their dreams come true. We have faith in them because we believe in them. We push them on. We help them out because we believe in them. And this is why our friends do the same for us because they believe in us.

[00:20:34] So I want to share with you how we do my faith over fear for. So for the faith over fear formula, what we do is create a better feeling thought. So a better feeling thought is a thought that you consciously choose. That makes you feel a little more supported, a little more empowered or capable, and that you can believe in this moment and believe is the keyword here.

[00:20:59] So with mindset work, it only works. If you believe the thought that you choose now, the tiniest criminal belief is enough, but without that belief, the words are. Right. So when earlier in this episode, I said, you know, when you say phrases, like you got this and you don't believe it. Yeah. That's why it doesn't work.

[00:21:19] So we have to start small. If words contain power, then we have to work our way to them gradually. So better feeling. Thoughts are about you shaping your thoughts so that you create momentum towards what you desire. But then you can also believe right now in this moment. So it's like the intersection of where you are today and where you want to be tomorrow or next week, next month, next year.

[00:21:44] And where I see people, misstep is choosing thoughts that they just don't believe yet. They choose what I call Mount Everest thoughts. So Mount Everest thoughts are thoughts. Like I am enough. I am worthy. I got this. I expect the best. Now, these are amazing thoughts and beliefs, but if you have been saying, or a society has been saying the opposite to you for 20 plus 30 plus 40 plus 50 plus years, you can't just switch overnight love.

[00:22:15] You're trying to get to the peak, but you haven't made it to the base camp yet. And the base camp is the better feeling. And the better feeling thoughts allow you to slowly work your way to the summit. So that one day you can say, I am enough with all of the confidence in the world and you can actually believe it.

[00:22:35] So we're going to create your better feeling thought by using my faith over fear formula. So I want you to think of a thought that you would love to believe a thought like I am enough. I am capable. I am worried that. But thoughts that you can't believe a hundred percent in yet. So choosing that thought for yourself, and then I want you to see on a scale of one to 10, how much you believe that thought 10 being a super believe it a hundred percent.

[00:23:04] And then one being, I don't believe this at all. And what we're trying to find for this exercise is something that falls between a one to a five. So having that thought, knowing where it falls on that. So for the faith over fear formula, we take that thought that thought that you would love to believe.

[00:23:24] And we transform it by using a framework to become something at a six to a 10. How do we do that? Well, we use some language around that thought. There's a few phrases that I love to use before a big phrase. Like I am worthy or I am in a. And this is what I call my faith over fear framework. So these phrases include, I am determined to every day I am working towards each day.

[00:23:58] I, it is safe to, and I accept that. So how does this look in practice? So let's say the phrase that you really want to believe is I am worthy. So you would change it to, I am determined to feel worthy. Every day, I am working towards feeling worthy each day. I feel my worth growing stronger and stronger. It is safe to feel worthy.

[00:24:26] And finally, I accept that a part of me will question my worth, but I know deep down that I am so incredibly worthy now, to me, the most powerful of these phrases is the I accept phrase. The I accept phrase really allows you to acknowledge and honor where you are today, and then it allows you to move beyond.

[00:24:52] So it's really that intersection of who you are today and where you want to be going. So the, I accept phrase can say, even though white supremacy may say that I do not belong in certain spaces, I know that I belong exactly where I am. Hm, or I accept that it is so scary to take this leap, but I know that my dreams are on the other side of my fear.

[00:25:23] Can you feel how different this thought is? Can you feel a shift within your body? I always say, as we do the faith over fear formula, you will know when you have found your thought, your better feeling thought when your body just like. Or there's this slight like, like Scooby-Doo like a Scooby-Doo feeling.

[00:25:43] You're like, oh my gosh, that's my thought. I accept that growth can be difficult, but I am so committed to becoming my highest self. I can keep going. Y'all I can just keep going and going, but I hope you can tell how powerful and what a shift there is in creating thoughts like the. Yes, I am enough and I am worthy.

[00:26:08] I have got this. These are all amazing thoughts. But as I'm saying these better feeling thoughts by using the faith over fear formula, I hope you can see what the difference is because I know your body is feeling. Love. This is mindset work. This is the mindset work that transforms lives that makes dreams come true.

[00:26:29] These are not the thoughts. You're probably going to find on a poster or, you know, on a cushion somewhere. You're definitely not going to get it at home goods, but these are the thoughts that are going to get you to your dreams in a way where there is joy and there is ease and there is great. My love. It doesn't matter how much ability or skill or determination you have when it comes to your dreams.

[00:26:53] If you do not believe that you can make that thing a reality, if you do not believe that people like you are worthy and deserving of those things, then it's going to be really hard to make it happen. Or if you do make it happen, it's going to be really hard on you. And I don't want either of those situations.

[00:27:12] I want all our dreams coming true with joy, with ease and with grace. So love if today's episode is resonating with you and you're like, damn, I need more of this. I would love for Shirin to lead me through this three times a month. Then I hope you will join us in The Alchemy Collective the doors close on April 29th.

[00:27:36] So you still have time to think about it as you're listening live. The collective is for the dreamers, the dreamers who are ready to work through their fear to name their dreams and to make those dreams come true with joy and ease. So if you're ready, love head to wholehearted-coaching.com/alchemy or head to the show notes.

[00:28:00] So as we finish up, I want you to reflect on one thing that is really resonating with you from today's episode. And as you think of that thing, we're going to take a deep breath in hold at the top and then breathe out. So thinking of that thing, breathing in pause and then breathing out.

[00:28:25] And so next week, I will talk to you then. Thank you so much for joining me this week. If you liked this episode, please share it with a friend subscribe or follow where you love listening most. And if you haven't yet leave a review, you can do this on apple podcast, cast box pod, chaser, or podcast addict until next week, Love.