All about love | ep100
Why is practicing self love such a difficult thing to do?
When it comes to ourselves, sometimes all we can see is our flaws and what we could be doing better. But when we think of how we show love for others, we find something much more infinite and unconditional. So, how do we give that same love to ourselves, the person most deserving of it?
Today’s Mindset Monday reads:
Self-love is the constant practice of meeting yourself exactly where you are at.
It's the continual attempt to accept and embrace every single part of who you are.
Self-love can be messy, it takes effort, but like all love is worth it. So worth it.
No one deserves your love more than you do.
Love isn't “I love you when…” or “I'll love you if…”
Love is “I love you now.”
A year before I met my husband, I wrote a Valentine’s Day card to myself. I went to the store, and picked a card that I loved- two otters, arms entwined with the caption “I love you like no otter.”
I love otters and a good pun. So it was a pretty easy choice.
To be honest, I felt silly purchasing a card just for myself. I was surrounded by shoppers who were obviously buying cards for their significant others. And there I was, otter card in hand, with no one to celebrate Valentine’s Day with...well, except with myself.
And the truth hit me right there…
I was someone worth loving.
But oftentimes, self-love can be such a difficult thing for us to do. When we think of ourselves, we think of all our shortcomings, everything we need to fix. We’re much more in tune with what’s “wrong” with ourselves than what’s so right about us.
We also mistake self-love with having a big ego, being selfish, or false positivity. We struggle with self-love because of what we saw growing up in our homes, in our communities, and in our society at large.
So when it comes to love, we first have to unlearn everything we believe it to be, and truly come to understand it for ourselves.
When I struggle with showing love to myself, I think of how I show my love to those around me.
My love isn’t just proclamations and emotions. My love is a force in action. I show others my love by listening to them, trusting them, accepting them, respecting them, communicating with them….
I do not withhold my love when they make mistakes. I don’t believe they’re only worthy of my love when they change. My love for others is unconditional.
It is not “I love you when…” or “I love you if….”
It is simply “I love you now.”
This is also the practice when it comes to ourselves.
Because you, first and foremost, deserve and are worthy of that love you have been showering upon others so freely.
You deserve your love more than anyone.
In this week’s very special 100th episode of Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast, I dive even deeper into this subject of self love. Then, I surprise 4 very special people in my life by reading them personal love letters live on the show!
These wonderful people are my best friend, Chrissy King; my sister, Shadi Eskandani; my mom, and one very special surprise guest that you have to tune in for (and no, it’s not my amazing husband!).
In these surprise interviews, I not only share my love for these wonderful beings in my life. I also ask them these questions that I’ll share with you here:
What does love mean to you?
What does self-love mean to you?
What’s your favorite way to receive love?
How do you love to show love?
What do you love about yourself?
Be sure to connect with today’s guests:
A quote to take with you:
“Really, when it comes to our self love, it comes down to looking at where and how did I learn love, love in general, and love towards myself.”
Did you know that each episode comes with free guided journal prompts?
If you want to be in the know and get each Mindset Monday straight to your inbox complete with journal prompts to take you even further, get on my email list.
About your host, Shirin Eskandani
Hi, love! I’m Shirin.
Coach, speaker, writer, and life alchemist.
I teach you how to trust your intuition again, tune out all the BS, and let your heart lead the way.
Because once you strengthen your inner GPS, decisions become easier, boundaries become clearer, and belly laughs become a daily thing.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:
I’m a certified life coach (accredited through the International Coach Federation)
My husband and I met on Instagram and we live in Brooklyn, NY with our plant babies
I have a masters degree in Music and was a professional opera singer for twelve years. I worked all over the world singing on stage at Carnegie Hall and the Metropolitan Opera (more on that later…).
I believe in the woo just as much as I do the work (internal and external). No amount of crystals and affirmations will make up for a lack of a healthy mindset and aligned action.
I love all the Real Housewives franchises. Don’t make me choose one… seriously, don’t.
+ Read the episode transcript here
[00:00:00] Shirin: Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. If you're looking for more purpose, more passion, more joy in your life, then you have come to the right place. I am your host, coach and Life Alchemist, Shirin Eskandani. And I have worked with thousands of people showing them how to create their dream lives while also living their dream.
[00:00:27] This podcast is where mindset, mindfulness and manifestation meet together. We're going to release limiting beliefs. Put your dreams into motion all while prioritizing your ease, rest and joy. Let's do this love. Hi love. Welcome to whole hearted coaching the podcast. This is where we take a deeper dive into my mindset Monday post, which you can read on Instagram at whole hearted code.
[00:00:55] Or if you want to go even deeper into this week's episode and get my free weekly journal prompts, sign up for my email list and you'll be able to explore the topics we're talking about in this episode. Even further, you can do that in the show notes or by heading to my web. Wholehearted-coaching.com.
[00:01:16] And if you're interested in working with me, whether that's one on one in one of my group programs or one of my transformational courses, you can head to my website, whole hearted-coaching.com/offerings to find out more. And of course you can also head to the show notes and all of this information.
[00:01:35] We'll be waiting for you there. All right, love. Welcome to this week's episode. So today's episode is a really special episode. This is the hundredth episode of Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. Let me tell you, I did not imagine that we would get. When I started this podcast, I thought that it would just be a fun thing to do.
[00:01:59] And never in my wildest dreams, did I think we would get to a hundred, which I don't know what I was thinking. Right. Because hopefully you kind of keep on continuing to put a podcast out, but like a number, like a hundred. That seemed like, you know, when you're a little and someone was like 45 years old and you're like, oh, whoa, that is so old.
[00:02:19] That is what this episode is to me, you know, I've listened to so many amazing podcasts when they celebrate, you know, their hundredth episode. And it's kind of amazing. I mean, that is a real milestone and I'm not gonna lie to y'all, but I am really proud of myself. Um, putting out this podcast consistently week after week, mostly, and getting to episode a hundred and getting to grow with you and getting to share what's on my heart and in my mind for a hundred episodes, I mean, it's mind boggling to me and here we are.
[00:02:54] And so today's episode is going to be a really special episode. So if you're listening live, this episode is coming out on February 14th. Valentine's. So this episode is all about love, which I think is so fitting for this hundredth episode, we're going to be talking about love, celebrating love, and I'm going to be talking to four people that I love.
[00:03:19] And those four people are people in my life. That really means so much to me. And I'm going to be telling them how much I love them. That's it. They don't know actually why they're being interviewed for the podcast. I just asked them to come on the podcast. They think we're just going to talk about stuff and I'm going to declare my love for these people.
[00:03:39] And let me tell you, it is so special. It's so special. So the four people are my best friend, Chrissy. My sister Shadi and my mom and the fourth guest. I can't tell you about them. It's a real surprise. So you'll hear it at the end of the episode, but let me tell you, there is nothing like surprising someone that means a lot to you.
[00:04:06] With how much you love them and how much you care for them and how grateful you are for them. So if you are looking to get all of those like good feelings, you know, those like feel good, feeling. This is the episode. And honestly, what better way to celebrate a hundred episodes than feeling good, celebrating love, and celebrating ourselves.
[00:04:30] So get ready for a really special episode. This one is possibly going to be one of my favorites. All right. So let's get into this week's mindset. Monday. It reads self-love is the constant practice of meeting yourself exactly where you are. It's the continual attempt to accept and embrace every single part of who you are.
[00:04:55] Self-love isn't a love you when, or I'll love you. If self-love is. I love you now. So I really wanted to talk to you today about self. Yes, we could talk about love in general. And I'm sure a lot of the things that we're going to discuss today on the episode can be applied to any type of love. But I think the love that is the most special.
[00:05:23] The love that is the most complicated is self-love that love that you give to yourself. I have struggled with self-love for a long time. It's a continual practice for me. And I have a feeling that probably all of us struggle with that concept of how do we show love to ourselves? I want to share a story with you.
[00:05:46] It was right before I met my husband. So this must've been about five years ago and it was Valentine's day. And I was of course single actually true story. Before I met my husband. I had never celebrated a Valentine's day with an actual, significant other. Yeah. Every time, every time I just like broken up with someone or I was on a hold with someone like we were on break or something.
[00:06:13] Anyway, all that to say, you know, listen, I don't even care that much around times, day now I think can be a really fun day. But you know, when you're in the midst of a pool of coupled up friends and you are the only single one, it can be a really difficult day. So this particular Valentine's day, I was like, you know what?
[00:06:33] I am going to be my own damn Ballantine. So I went to target and I went to go find a Valentine's card for myself. And I was going to write like a love letter to myself. So I was cruising in the aisle and this was like a week before Valentine's day. And you could just tell everyone there was, um, you know, they were there to find cards for their loved ones, not for themselves, obviously.
[00:06:59] And I just kind of felt so dumb. I was like, this is stupid. What are you doing? And then I saw it the perfect card. It was two otters arms. Intwined swimming on their backs. And it said, I love you. Like no Otter. Oh, I mean, this was the perfect card. I found it. And in that moment I realized I am worthy and deserving of my own damn life.
[00:07:35] 'cause listen. Y'all I can say this thing about myself and it is true. And I have a feeling that this is a hundred percent true for you too. I am amazing at love. Like when it comes to other people, I am so good at showering people with my love, doing things for them, supporting them, like trusting them, accepting them.
[00:07:54] I am so good at loving people. And I was like, holy crap, this skill that you have, this innate talent that you have at lunch. You are giving it to all these people. Some of them obviously deserving of it. Others, not so much. If you look at my dating history that love that you are giving to all those other people, you deserve that love as well.
[00:08:21] Not moment was a really pivotal moment for me, where I just really started to reflect on how easily, how kindly, how naturally. I gave my love to all these people. And I loved, I love loving people and I have a feeling you love loving people, too. Like the things we do when we are in love and we love people.
[00:08:44] I mean, it's just, it's a great feeling, but really understanding that wow, all of those things that I do, all of those ways that I make other people feel I get to do that to me as well. And so for me, self-love has been this unlearning and relearning because when we think of self-love, you know, a lot of our concepts around what love is were formulated when we were young.
[00:09:15] Right. So whatever you saw, kind of growing up, whether it's in your family and your community or it's society at large, right? A lot of what we believe to be true about how love is what love is and how we show it was really displayed to us when we were young. And I have a feeling that for many of us, we probably didn't see very healthy examples of self-love or just love in general.
[00:09:41] And maybe if you did see really healthy examples of that in your household, you know, if you come from a marginalized community, Our society is telling us to not love ourselves every damn step of the way. Right? So let's say that you are in a body that is not a straight size quote unquote body. Let's say that you are indigenous.
[00:10:03] Let's say that you are a black or brown, or let's say that you are not in an able body weight, all of these things, right. We have to really cue into all of these things, make us feel like we are not worthy of our love. So really when it comes to our self-love, it's about looking at where and how did I learn love, love in general and love towards myself.
[00:10:30] We also hold onto so many misconceptions about what self-love looks like and is we fear that if we love ourselves, quote, unquote too much, we're going to get a big head, right? We're going to be too proud. We're going to be selfish. Or the just self-love is positive affirmations and just thinking you're the best person out there.
[00:10:52] We worry that if we love ourselves, then we're not actually going to be motivated to change or to do more. Right. We really believe that a lot of change in our life comes from that place of self criticism. So being motivated to change through soft love seems really odd and difficult and just not even possible for many of us.
[00:11:14] So as I see these things really reflect on what are some of those beliefs, those myths, those untruths, those lies that you're holding on to about love, reflecting on what you saw growing up about love. And yes, those were our lived experiences, but they're not the truth. They're what we saw, but we get to change that.
[00:11:40] So for me, it's really about creating your own definition of what love is and what self love is. So when I am really struggling with self love, what I do is I think of someone that I absolutely love. Like someone like my husband, someone in my family, my nephew, right. People that like, I just love, and you can do this with a pet.
[00:12:03] You can do this with someone who has passed someone who was living, but I want you to think of how do you show them love? Because love is not just an emotion. Love is not just, you know, proclamations. I love you. Love is a verb. To love, to love someone. So how do you show love to that person in your life, that pet in your life?
[00:12:28] And I have a feeling when you reflect on that, you'll see that things like I listened to them. I trust them. I accept them. I respect them. I also imagine things like I don't withhold my love if they make a quote unquote mistake and I don't withhold my love until they change. These two things are so key because I think when it comes to self-love, we think, okay.
[00:12:57] How I love myself when, or I'll love myself. If no self-love is not about, I will love you when I will love you. If it's about, I love you now, again, thinking of that person in your life. Like when I think of my nephew, I except my little nephew, my little bundle of joy as he is when I think of my husband.
[00:13:21] Yes. There's certain things about him that I'm like, oh gosh, but I love that guy. I love that guy so damn much. My love is unconditional. And so when it comes to ourselves, right, it's unconditional love. Many of us, I think, have conditions around our love. And perhaps you have those in your own relationships too, but in my own personal experience, I know that those relationships that are the most nurturing and healthy and they flow are the ones that are based on no conditions.
[00:13:54] Just love. I love you because you are you so really reflecting on this and seeing how do I show love to people and where do I seem to fall short when it comes to that definition for myself? And let me tell you it's a constant practice. I always say this in the podcast. I am in this with you, right? When I think of this definition of love that I have for myself, which is around acceptance and trusting and embracing and no conditions.
[00:14:24] I know that I fall short at times, but I'm aware of it. I work on it, just like all relationships. Right? Love requires a little bit of work. And I'm committed to it. Just like my relationships with other people. I am committed to my relationship with myself. So as we're talking about this, I want to share a quote that I love so much.
[00:14:48] And I think it really encompasses what we're talking about of self-love and what that looks like. The quote comes from guru Nisargadatta Maharaj and he. You are perfect only. You don't know it. Learn to know yourself and you will discover wonders. All you need is already within you. Only. You must approach yourself with reverence and love self-condemnation and self distressed are grievous errors.
[00:15:21] All I plead with you is this make love of yourself. Perfect. Deny yourself, nothing. Give yourself infinity and eternity and discover that you do not need them. You are beyond. I mean, that quote and the line in that quote that I want to underscore underline is make love of yourself. Perfect. You all know what I think about perfection?
[00:15:53] Perfection is a lie. It's a waste, but if we're going to perfect one thing in our lives, if we're going to commit to perfection in one area of our lives, it's love for ourselves. So that is the practice. And I love that he writes, you know, it can take infinity and Aternity, but this is the practice. If we can make a commitment to loving ourselves, when we do that, there is a ripple effect.
[00:16:23] My love I've seen this in my life. I've seen it in the lives of so many other people. When we can make a commitment to loving ourselves, that ripple effect goes beyond, beyond what we could have ever imagined. So this episode really is about you reclaiming that love that you have for yourself, really reclaiming what that word means to you and really reclaiming what that looks like in practice.
[00:16:52] Another thing I want to touch upon before we get to our guest interviews, my love letters to them. Is this idea I've been thinking about a lot and it does come to self-love and honestly, I wasn't sure if I should include it on this episode, but I thought, you know what? This is my hundredth episode. I get to talk about whatever I want.
[00:17:11] So you know how a lot of people say that, you know, someone else can't love you. If you don't love yourself. And I don't believe in that a hundred percent, but it's not completely wrong too. So I actually do believe that you can find someone who loves you beautifully and in a healthy way before you fully understand how to love yourself.
[00:17:36] But I will say this, and I've seen this in how my relationship with my husband has been in contrast to the relationships before. Because I had made a real commitment to learning how to love myself. I could also show my husband, my boyfriend at the time, how to love me, meaning our love, the way that we need love.
[00:17:58] The way that we need love shown to us is all going to be so individual and specific to who we are. And if you already know, are, are in touch with those ways in which you love to be loved. It makes the relationship so much easier, really letting that person know these are the things I need. These things here.
[00:18:21] They really are the ways where I feel nourished and full and love. I use the analogy often of thinking of yourself as like a plant. And when we get a plant, you know, there's always that like little thing that goes in it with the paper, with the self-care instructions, like this needs light, this needs more water, whatever those things are.
[00:18:40] And it's really figuring out for you if I was a beautiful flower or a plant, what would it say on those instructions? And when we have a really good idea or a better idea of what those instructions are, let me tell you relationships flow in such an easier way, whether those are friendships, romantic relationships, work, whatever that may be.
[00:19:06] So. If you're listening and you're feeling really discouraged by that, like phrase of you can't find love. If you don't love yourself, you can a hundred percent. You can. However, I want to encourage you to start really exploring what loving yourself means, because then when you find that person, it can be so much easier.
[00:19:29] There can be so much more joy and so much more ease when you just know when you can tell them. This is how you can love me. And this is how you can support me. This is how you take care of me. So that was just a thought I wanted to put in here. All right. So these four interviews are really special because these are for people that mean a whole lot to me.
[00:19:55] Again, as a reminder, it's my best friend, Chrissy king, my sister Shadi Eskandani and my mom and the fourth person is a surprise. And I've had my husband on his podcast before. And maybe you were like, why aren't you telling your husband? You love him? Well, I tell my husband a lot of the times I love him all the time.
[00:20:15] I love him. And I've told him on this podcast before I love. But I feel like in our society, we're upholding romantic relationships as being like the, be all and end all of relationships and yes, they're fantastic and great. But your community, your friends, your colleagues, your family, that is love. And, and, and I think it's overlooked.
[00:20:37] And so I really wanted to give my love, send my love, share my love with people who really make up my. Bell hooks wrote. I think that part of what a culture of domination has done is raised that romantic relationship up as the single most important bond. One of course, the single most important bond is that of community.
[00:21:00] And that is why I am connecting with my community in this episode and letting them know how much I love them. So I hope you enjoy these love letters and. Stay tuned for the fourth one. Cause I think you're really gonna like it.
[00:21:23] Hi, Chrissy king.
[00:21:24] Chrissy King: Oh my gosh. Hi. I'm so
[00:21:26] Shirin: excited. Okay. So my audience knows this, but Chrissy has no idea why she is being interviewed. I just said, it's going to be fun. It's going to be fun, but can I interview you for my podcast? That's all. I
[00:21:39] Chrissy King: don't know. I know nothing, but this is so fun. I don't know. This is like a very unexpected tree.
[00:21:44] I have no idea what's happening.
[00:21:46] Shirin: Okay. So this episode that I'm recording this interview for is for my hundredth podcast episode.
[00:21:55] Chrissy King: This is monument.
[00:21:57] Shirin: It is, it is monumental, but also it's not just that, but my hundredth episode is coming out on Valentine's day on February four.
[00:22:06] Chrissy King: Oh, my gosh, I am getting more and more excited to keep
[00:22:09] Shirin: talking.
[00:22:10] So I wanted to make this a really special episode. So it's all about love. And I am talking to four people that I love and you're one of them. Oh my God. I'm going to cry. I am going to read you a love letter that I wrote for you. Oh my gosh. I
[00:22:28] Chrissy King: can't handle this.
[00:22:30] Shirin: So I'm going to read you this letter. Okay.
[00:22:33] Okay. Dear Chrissy. I love you. I am truly the luckiest to be able to call you my best friend. You have shown me what courage is from completely uprooting your life and moving to New York, to become a writer to everything you do in your day-to-day life. You are courage. Embodied courage means to speak from an act from the heart.
[00:23:00] And that is what you do each and every day. From the words you write to the words you speak, the way you live your life. It is always from your heart. You have one of the biggest hearts I've ever encountered. Your capacity to love is so great. And I'm so grateful that I get to bask in the glow of your heart.
[00:23:20] It's such an amazing place to be. And I feel so privileged. I have seen your journey up close and I know it always, hasn't been an easy ride. But you have always done it with such grace and you have thrived and you've always seen it through. We joke that you're able to manifest whatever it is you desire and you know, that's true.
[00:23:43] It's because of your unwavering belief in yourself, your desire for better, for more for everything inspires me so much. And I know that with a hundred percent certainty, everything you want, Chrissy king will happen because. You're fucking Chrissy king. Here's the thing though. We always talk about you being able to manifest whatever you want, but I manifested the best friends.
[00:24:09] Someone could ever ask for someone who was kind generous, thoughtful. So funny, so wise. So I guess I'm the master master manifester here, Chris. I love you so much.
[00:24:28] I
[00:24:28] Chrissy King: can't speak
[00:24:33] y'all. Can't see. But I think I started crying 10 seconds into the letter. Um, first of all, that is the most beautiful letter. I think that anyone has ever written about me. And thank you so much. This is such a Shirin. You are such a special person because only, you know, I'm serious only you. I think of a hundredth episode and then be like, I'm going to read love letters.
[00:24:57] So for people that are so important to me, this was like the best gift you could have ever given me. Thank you so much. That is so very special. And I don't know, y'all, there's something really beautiful about hearing someone that you love and care for so much. Say. Such wonderful and beautiful things. And that was just a very special surprise.
[00:25:20] Like I really didn't know what to expect. And I thought you were going to ask me like a trick question. Really? I just got to come here and get loved on and thank you so much. And also, can I have a copy of that letter? I mean, it was just so beautiful.
[00:25:33] Shirin: Send you a copy of. You know, we talk about romantic love and all that stuff.
[00:25:39] Like Audrey Lorde says, like, it's like our society keeps telling us about romantic love and, and, but really it's like, My community, my people that I need to be sending out love letters to, you know, and, and you're, you're one of my people who's just so special to me. Okay. So listen, I have a couple questions about love.
[00:25:59] I know here's the thing, Christie. It has not, this is a surprise. So she is not prepared for these calls. They're not difficult questions, but also just answer them as to whatever you know, resonates with you today. Okay. So first question. What does love mean to you? The first thing I always think
[00:26:17] Chrissy King: about when I say what is love is I think that all of us, each and every single one of us are like an expression of love.
[00:26:24] And so when I think of love, I think of how am I. Giving myself to the people that I care about to the world. And I think about.
[00:26:36] Shirin: When I think about love, I just think about like these
[00:26:39] Chrissy King: deep feelings and appreciation and joy and like so many things. And I think that it's like our greatest gift to be able to share and express our love with people.
[00:26:49] And we can do that in so many different ways. I think about like the work I get to do in my writing. Like, I feel like that's a, that's an extension of my love that I get to share with the world. And I think love is energy. It's who we
[00:26:59] Shirin: are. And then take that further. What does self love mean to you?
[00:27:05] Chrissy King: It's a really great question right now.
[00:27:07] Um, because I think, you know, so much of like self-love has like, really become about how we feel about our bodies and like, yeah. That's like a part of it, I guess. But when I think about self-love, I think about the fact that I'm so much more than my body. So self love is like my essence, my being like my soul, my spirit.
[00:27:24] So when I'm thinking about self-love, I'm like, how am I like falling in love with who I am as a person? And like, regardless of the exterior, just how am I loving myself deeply and unapologetically and wholeheartedly every single day, all the parts of me, even the parts of myself that I don't like, maybe I wish were different.
[00:27:45] Um, but how am I embracing all of the parts of who I am?
[00:27:49] Shirin: What's your favorite way to receive love? Oh my gosh. Do you know,
[00:27:55] Chrissy King: I'm going to be honest, you know, the five love languages, and I talk about all the, like all of them. I want gifts. I want acts of service. I want affirmations. I want, I mean, everything wired that true.
[00:28:06] But I really do love quality time. That's always really important to me, especially with my friends. Like if I like platonic friendships. So glad you said the thing about like how important, like we were, we talk about romantic love, but like platonic love is just so beautiful. Just as beautiful as romantic love to me.
[00:28:22] And so for that part, it's all about quality time, but I mean, I like all the love, all the gifts, everything
[00:28:29] Shirin: equal opportunity. Um, well, what's your favorite way to give love? So I think
[00:28:36] Chrissy King: my favorite way to give love is probably quality time. Um, and I do like giving gifts, but I always say that I'm not a good gift giver.
[00:28:44] Like, you know, those people who were just like, always know the perfect gift to give. I don't think I'm one of those people, but I do know that when I know that I'm a giver as particularly to like, yeah, my friends, my family, when somebody needs something or whatever, like, oh yeah, I'm going to take care of that for him.
[00:29:00] But I'm not like, you know, don't call me to be like a personal shopper because I'm probably not sure her
[00:29:05] Shirin: over that. And the last question is, what do you love about yourself? Chrissy king,
[00:29:11] Chrissy King: huh? Well, there's so many things to choose from and I'm just joking. I mean, kind of, but not really. Um, no, I think I just love, I love my.
[00:29:21] Ability to just figure things out, you know, like you talked a little bit about how much, you know, I've pivoted and changed. And I also want to point out that Sharon has been such a fabulous friend because she has seen all the trials and tribulations over the last few years and she's supporting me off.
[00:29:38] Unbelievably. So that is also her gift to me. But I think that I've allowed myself, I've seen so many different iterations of myself. I'm 36, but I feel like I've lived like a few different lives at this point. And I have enjoyed every single one of them. And so I think my ability to just allow things to change and make the most of it is probably one of the things I love
[00:29:59] Shirin: most about myself.
[00:30:01] I love that about YouTube, Chrissy king. Thank you. I love you so much.
[00:30:05] Chrissy King: I love you so much. This is honestly the best surprise. Thank you so much. You're so special. You're such a gift to this world. I love you. Love you. Love you.
[00:30:13] Shirin: Um, and also finally, where can people find you if they want to come? And Chrissy's just an amazing exceptional writer and thinker, where can they find you in your.
[00:30:23] You
[00:30:23] Chrissy King: can find me, um, mostly on Instagram, which is I am Chrissy king and website Chrissy king.com. Sign up for my newsletter because it really is coming back at this time. And yeah,
[00:30:36] Shirin: that's it. Yeah. I'll have all this information also in the show notes. I love Chrissy king and you're going to love her too.
[00:30:43] Thank you
[00:30:43] Chrissy King: so much. This was such a joy. Thanks Chrissy.
[00:30:55] Shirin: All right. Hi Shadi. Hi everyone. This is my sister. She is incredible and amazing, and she has no idea why I am interviewing her. She got all nervous. So I'm so Shadi. I'm going to tell you why I'm interviewing you. So this episode for my podcast is my hundredth episode. Oh, okay. And it's coming out on February 14th, which is Valentine's day.
[00:31:26] Shadi: How fitting? Oh, that's so wonderful.
[00:31:29] Shirin: Okay. What I wanted to do for this podcast was I was going to interview people who I love and I was going to read a love letter to them. Oh,
[00:31:42] Shadi: Hey, this is
[00:31:43] Shirin: fleet. So I wrote you a letter and I want to read it to you. Um, and then we can talk after, but, um, this is my love letter to my amazing sister Shadi.
[00:31:55] So dear Shadi, I love you. I was given the greatest gift ever. When I was born you, I had a writer die from day one by my side, someone who would make me laugh, who would take care of me. Who would support me and would always put me in my place when I needed it. You're not just my sister. You're also, my best friend might protect her, my guide and my teacher.
[00:32:22] I hope you know that I've always looked up to you always from when you dance to Paula Abdul to today being a mother who holds down a business household and a career. I'm always in awe of you. The last two years have been really difficult for us all, but especially for those of us who are caretakers, and I've seen you navigate this time with so much self-awareness and self-love, you've always risen above your challenges and created beauty from the pain, from your poetry to your healing, work to how I see you with your beautiful baby.
[00:32:59] Your name means joy. And you have given me so much joy in my life and you give joy to every human who has the privilege of knowing you. I love you so much Shadi. That's the letter.
[00:33:16] Shadi: Oh my God.
[00:33:19] Wow.
[00:33:21] Shirin: Oh, so I just wanted to let you know how much. I love you. And how much you mean to me?
[00:33:29] Shadi: Oh my gosh. This is so, so moving in full I'm, just speechless, um, with an expecting, getting ready to talk about something like, you know, That was going to be some major serious topic, which this is just such a, such a beautiful thing to receive today.
[00:33:51] Thank you so much. Oh, I
[00:33:55] Shirin: love you so much. You don't have to say I put you on the spot. I prepared for this. I prepared for this. I just don't feel like we share our love, especially like we say to our romantic partners often, and we say, I love you, but in this episode, we're looking at like what especially self love is and what that looks like in practice.
[00:34:16] And so I wanted to, there's a couple of people I really wanted to say, I love you too. And you were one of them. I do have a couple of questions around love. If you feel like you can answer those.
[00:34:26] Shadi: Yeah, absolutely. I'm so ready. Okay.
[00:34:30] Shirin: So I'm curious, and again, everyone, I'm putting people on the spot here, so this is not fair.
[00:34:35] However, um, you know, like what's on your mind today, so, but what does love mean to you?
[00:34:42] Shadi: I think for me, love is this is so hard. I've never thought about love. Really. It's a concept I don't, I take for granted in some ways I don't really think about it too much. For me, it's a feeling of home. It's a feeling of safety.
[00:35:02] I want to say it's about joy. However, for me, it's like, it's more about the foundations of something lasting and something nurturing, I guess, lasting in the way of nurturing. If that isn't the most can Syrian and Capricorn moon answer ever. But yeah, I mean, those things are, are love to me, feeling at home with the people that you love and that love
[00:35:31] Shirin: you yeah.
[00:35:32] To go further and it could be the same thing, but then what does you think self-love mean to you? Loving yourself?
[00:35:39] Shadi: Wow. I guess it's fitting to ask that because I think it's the same thing. It's about feeling at home with oneself and feeling a sense of deep belonging. It's about nourishing oneself on nurturing oneself, loving oneself is about being that home to oneself.
[00:35:56] So it's more about that internal in our home. And, um, I think that that's what it is. And I go further. It's about sort of self-acceptance and. It's about self-compassion and all those wonderful words that are harder to put into practice. Yeah, they're so important to make note of because self-compassion, and self-acceptance are again, a way of belonging in a way.
[00:36:25] I have a lot of sense of belonging to yourself and, and feel at home within yourself. Feel safe within yourself. Right. Feel safe, feel good, feel welcome. Um, Sturdy foundations inside. Right? Um, that's
[00:36:39] Shirin: self-love to me, I love that. What is your favorite way to receive love? What's like the way that you, like, you feel the most loved.
[00:36:49] Shadi: It's definitely not gifts. Oh, it's about feeling. Emotionally safe and accepted for who I am and, and supported and listened to having someone hold space for you with all your stuff, you know, the challenges and the joys and all the things. So I think that's what it is for me being loved is more, I guess, through those types of actions.
[00:37:19] Shirin: And then what's your favorite way to give love? Would it be the same? You know?
[00:37:25] Shadi: I think so. I think so though, I, I know that in my life, I haven't always held space or been a great listener for, you know, that's the growth that I've had to do. So I want to say. That's what's important to me. However, that's an important way for me to show it.
[00:37:41] It's just that, I don't know if I've always been great at it and that's something I strive to get better at. However, lately in the last few years it's been actually through gifts and I think that's something that. I remember in our family, like I wasn't the greatest at, and I started to understand that we all have different ways of receiving love.
[00:38:01] And I remember paying more attention or observing how certain folks, not just within the family, but they appreciated, um, not just gestures or doing things, but they appreciated receiving things. Whether that's a mixed tape or an actual president of like you bought or purchased or something you made, but like that kind of tangible love.
[00:38:19] And I think that I started to understand there was different ways that different people in my life appreciate. Um, I'm still, I'm still learning. And even with my own partner and my own child, I still trying to figure out what's the best way to show it. You know, however, my go-to is while I make them feel at home and I make them feel, I create those 30 foundations.
[00:38:38] And like, I think that's what it is, because those are the things that I, I like. So I'm like, well, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm showing my love that way. However, I'm trying to be open to observing what are the ways my loved ones, what their needs are around receiving love. Anyway, I loved
[00:38:54] Shirin: that. Um, and then finally, last question is, what do you love about yourself?
[00:39:00] Shadi: Wow. Okay. So, oh gosh, this is so tricky. Oh my God. I love my authenticity. I don't know if this sounds kind of like a weird word to use, but I, I love that. I tend to be myself in most circumstances. I love that I'm able to express how I feel, not always comes out in the greatest of ways. However, I there's, there's, there's a sense of not holding back my emotional flow, which I'm learning to work with.
[00:39:30] And also not let that work at gazed mean on as I'm growing wiser with life experience. However, I do love that about myself. I love how caring I am. I love how fiercely caring I am and how I care. And love even people, I don't know, deeply like a collective and collective wellbeing. And so not just my immediate family or my circle, and that love goes extends out towards humanity and our planet and just, uh, um, so yeah.
[00:40:06] Um, I love that about myself. I love how fiery I am, how passionate I am. Yeah, I'm sure there's more things I love about myself, but those things come out on top for me. Can I just, I will say I also love my sense of creativity and I also love my dedication and commitment to the things that matter to me.
[00:40:30] Shirin: I love those things about you, too.
[00:40:32] Thank you. So my sister is amazing and wonderful. She's also an amazing healer and she uses a lot of different modalities to help create healing in people. And so everyone should go check out her. Um, and her, her page, she does astrology, her natal chart. Readings are amazing. I've gone. I've sent tons of my clients to her and friends because they're just so incredible.
[00:40:59] And she does Reiki and she does a lot of other modalities Shadi. Where can people find you in your.
[00:41:04] Shadi: You can find me on Instagram or I'm mostly active, that would be attach a T a S H underscore Shadi, which is S H a D I. So instagram.com backslash. And that handle that I just mentioned, and also my website, which is www.atashiha.com.
[00:41:29] So that's auto shihad.com for more information.
[00:41:33] Shirin: And I will have all this information also in the show notes. And I also shout my sister out all the time on my own page. Um, but her visit her and her name in Farsi means joy and her business's name and Farsi means attach a T a S H means fire. Um, so she is definitely fiery joy.
[00:41:51] I'm probably the more, what am I? I'm I'm joy as well. I'm not fighting.
[00:41:59] Shadi: I don't know. I don't know if I would, would you really associated with joy? I'm not sure. I think that's definitely a quest of mine. I think that's why you're my sister. I know we're meant to be in each other's lives in this lifetime for me to access that joy for sure. I'm definitely fiery and I'm seeking that joy.
[00:42:20] That's the thing. And, and that's why I'm so, so grateful to have you as my sister. And that way, I don't think it's a coincidence that, um, I'm learning so much from you about joy and ways to cultivate it and, and bring it into my. And you're the funniest person. I know. I don't know. I just, you're definitely the funniest.
[00:42:39] Shirin: Listen, I am funny, but people who actually get to know my sister Shadi, she is really funny. There's two comedians in this family. Um, but you have to get to know her very well. It's a hidden, hidden talents. It's very hidden. Um, but I love you so much. Shadi. Thank you for saying yes to this.
[00:43:00] Shadi: Thank you. Love you too.
[00:43:01] Bye.
[00:43:10] Shirin: Okay. So my mom is my next special guest for this podcast and she has no idea why I'm interviewing her. So first of all, uh, excuse the sound quality. I actually I'm home right now and I'm visiting my parents and my external microphone. Isn't working. So we're using my computer microphone. But yeah, I think we're going to make up for the love in this episode.
[00:43:38] So my mom has no idea why I'm interviewing. So mom, this episode that I'm recording is my hundredth podcast episode. And thank you, mommy. And it's coming out on Valentine's day. Oh
[00:43:55] Mom: yeah. Remember
[00:43:58] Chrissy King: Valentine.
[00:43:59] Shirin: Yeah. So, so for this episode, I wanted to do something special. And I am reading a love letter to my favorite people.
[00:44:11] And so I wanted to read a love letter to you. Okay. So I'm going to read this letter to my mom. So don't look at the letter. I have it on my computer. Dear mom. I love you. You were my first Valentine. I remember how you would make this day so special for me and Shadi leaving us chocolates and cards and little gifts.
[00:44:36] And today you're my Valentine. Mommy. I have learned so much from you. I have learned how to love, how to nurture. How to make rice, how to be compassionate. You've taught me always to be curious and to learn. I know our lives brought lots of challenges and struggled with it, but when I reflect back on everything, you always brought everything back to love.
[00:45:06] No matter what we were going through or what you were going through, you were always somehow able to find the little. I can't imagine how hard that must've been, but you were able to create a home full of love, really? You were, and I'm so thankful for that. I'm so grateful to be your daughter. The loving person I am is because of you.
[00:45:28] You feel new with so much love. You made me believe in my dreams and my potential. You never made me feel like I couldn't pursue my goals. You all made, always made me believe in myself. The life I have now is because of. I love you so much, mommy. You are my source for love, my example for love and my greatest love.
[00:45:51] I love you.
[00:45:54] Chrissy King: I love
[00:45:55] Mom: you, baby.
[00:45:57] Shirin: I love you, mom. I, and I know I'm surprising you with this podcast. So really it's for me to express my love to you because sometimes on Valentine's day, we just focus on romantic love, but motherly love. I've been very privileged to have. Really wonderful, motherly love. And so I'm so grateful for that, but I have some questions for you.
[00:46:18] Okay. So what does love mean to you?
[00:46:26] Mom: Wow. That's a big philosophical question. Love love is something that you do things unconditionally. That's it? You know, if you calculate on anything, then. And that's why most of the time, not all the time is mother's love is the one. And, uh, of course, of course you can pursue anything that in your life can be that child for you.
[00:47:01] You know what I mean? And of course your partner's love is another one. And yeah, that's love, that's love for me when you don't calculate. And we don't think, and just do unconditionally. That's love. [00:47:17] Shirin: So this one may be a little more difficult, but what does self-love mean to you loving yourself? [00:47:24] Mom: Well, I really don't know that honestly, you know, it's a combination of lots of things.
[00:47:30] My age, my generation, my culture, the place we. And the parents you had, you know, those all defines that, how you love yourself and how you see, you know, if I do things for others, that means I'm a good person. So I love myself. So, but if I do things for myself and ignore others, I don't know. You know what I mean?
[00:47:59] Theoretically. I know this is most important thing, as says, if it's not narcissism, if you don't love yourself, if you don't respect yourself, you can love and respect another person. You know, you don't have to be healthy like that oxygen things in airplay, but, uh, it's engraved it's engraved in the combination.
[00:48:20] As I said, my culture, my generation. My parents, you know, parents are different, a number of siblings. You are lots of, lots of things. Yeah. So, no, I never thought
[00:48:35] Shirin: about that. Yeah. I think what's something I talk about in this episode is what self-love means. And I think it's something my generation, thankfully we talk about now, but your generation, I don't think self-love.
[00:48:49] What is the thing? No
[00:48:51] Mom: self love was sort of selfishness. You know what I mean? Think about it. This was as consciously we were okay. I'm not doing it because it's a selfish thing to do. You knew you shouldn't pay attention to yourself to the other one. Yeah. Yeah,
[00:49:04] Shirin: yeah. I understand. Yeah. What is your favorite way to receive love?
[00:49:11] Like how do you like to receive love? Is it through touch or saying things or doing things or, or is it everything.
[00:49:19] Mom: I think acknowledging what I'm doing and that could be with wordings or of course, showing it in a way or hugging whatever. But in a way, I know that they can see me, they can acknowledge what I'm doing.
[00:49:35] They, even if they are disagreeing with that, if they discuss it. So it means they saw it and now they explained to me why and how they don't like it or disagree with. So, yeah, that did acknowledge. Yeah. Acknowledging I'm not doing this. I do it without acknowledgement that 90% was not there. Uh, I did it. I always did it.
[00:50:01] So that doesn't mean it stopped me, but later in love my son. Told me. Hey,
[00:50:09] Shirin: you know,
[00:50:12] Mom: I do wish they should say thank you. Your dinner was delicious.
[00:50:19] Shirin: So that was self-love. Mom's exactly.
[00:50:22] Mom: That's. I can always bring things still. I'm doing. I'm not in a state that if I'm not doing this still, I love myself.
[00:50:33] Shirin: And then mom, what is your favorite way to give love? You give love all the
[00:50:39] Mom: time. You know, I'm sensitive six sense guy enough to what other people did.
[00:50:45] People don't need to tell me they are sad or they have problem. I really, really see that. And I always want to solve their problems to make them happy to do as much as I guess I always did that. I remember in grade two, Um, if we were buying a food from the cafeteria and the girl, one girl, I didn't know at all and had lost his mind.
[00:51:13] And I just threw my money down. I found it. I think it's yours. I don't think a seven years old was thinking about, I don't know what I was thinking, but I did it and yeah. Yeah. If I could, I wanted to give the mortgage of all my friends, take them jet. Like Djokovich take all my friends. Even, you know, the lady who's coming to work for, you know, I even dream of that, that the people, once a week, once a month, they came to help me to clean the house.
[00:51:50] I really wanted to take them to a holidays, to places that I went and I loved, you know, of course I never, I didn't go that much to holidays.
[00:51:57] Shirin: We know that travel,
[00:52:01] Mom: I love this, but, you know, because you know, all of us were in different places. So I always was in Vancouver. Most of the time to Vancouver was the holiday.
[00:52:10] The rest of the family, but it was my, my place. So, yeah. Yeah. And those kinds of things,
[00:52:17] Shirin: mom, what do you love about yourself? Can you answer that? What do you love about yourself?
[00:52:25] Mom: So difficult? You know, I'm a good person. I'm not a bad person. Bad about myself. I know that, you know, and my respect for mother nature from the earliest time that I was cautious about that, you know, of course, maybe age 1820.
[00:52:43] I always made my compost. I planted, you know, my herbs and vegetables recycled. It took, it drove in those times to places to put things in. My love to nature. Yeah, of course. Nature loves me too. Exactly. Gives me back is, you know, mutual love. So I respect that in me. You know, I know it will be there for me, at least with my age for at least for me forever.
[00:53:11] Shirin: Can I tell you what I love about you, mom? Okay. My mom. The best sense of humor. She's so funny. I'm sure you can tell as we laugh together right now, which is a very funny person, my mom is so creative and such a great problem solver. You are very good at PR and in very creative ways, my mom is the most intelligent person you will ever meet.
[00:53:35] You know, something about everything. And that's because of her thirst for knowledge, she's just always reading. She's always constantly. Checking in on the people who matter to her. You're so compassionate as we talked about, it's like, when you talk about love, you know, who everyone in your life, what they love and you make sure to give them that.
[00:53:57] So for me, like I'm visiting home right now. My mom has all my favorite foods. She makes sure that, you know, like this thing in the house is a certain way because I like it. You just you're so thoughtful. You're so, and beyond that, mom, you're the most resilient, strong person. I know if you knew my mom's history.
[00:54:19] She has thrived alongside the difficulty and created beauty alongside that. And yeah, there's so much to love about you. I know sometimes it's hard for us to name what we love, but there's lots to love about you, mom. I love you.
[00:54:37] Mom: I was so sick. Privileged and lucky to have Shadi. I knew in my life sometimes, you know, you say, what did I do in my previous lives?
[00:54:48] If it is either know that I deserve this, you know, honestly, honestly, uh, I hadn't so easy. You guys. And yeah, everyone has a story. Everyone has a story and, uh, yeah. Ups and downs life and stuff like that. And yeah, yeah. Yeah.
[00:55:09] Shirin: My mom is, so I feel the same way about you mom. And I hope people listening can understand where.
[00:55:17] I get my insights and wisdom from it's from this woman. She's our philosopher in the household. She's the, she's the wise one. And so, um, I think a lot of the listeners are realizing where I get a lot of my sheeting and now. So mommy, I love you so
[00:55:36] Mom: much. Happy you ask me about my weak points. No,
[00:55:42] Shirin: that's not what the podcast is about.
[00:55:47] Let me know all of our weak points too well, but we don't know exactly.
[00:55:51] Mom: That's true.
[00:55:53] Shirin: I love you so much by me.
[00:55:54] Mom: Love you more
[00:56:07] Shirin: so here we are at the final love letter, and I said that this was a surprise gas to guests that I know you're going to absolutely love. And that guest is you. This is a love letter for you. Dear love. I love you. I am so incredibly grateful to be in community with you. You're amazing. You have such a big heart, such a capacity to love and to be loved, you are wise creative tenacious, and you have such big dreams.
[00:56:42] You have the most incredible dreams, dreams that are not only going to change your life, but the lives of so many others. And I know that sometimes your dreams scare you. I know that you sometimes doubt yourself, but I also know that each and every day you choose no matter how difficult it may be to listen to the voice that tells you to keep going to keep trying to keep at it.
[00:57:11] Some days it's not possible. And that's okay, but you, my love, you know, there is something more out there for you, more joy, more abundance, more ease, more of it all, and you're on your way to your more you're sometimes misunderstood. You sometimes find yourself perhaps alone, but you are committed to this path that you are on.
[00:57:38] This path that is so singular and unique to who you are. There is no one like you, no one like you at all, that is for damn sure. Keep on this path, love, fuel that fire, that beads, you're more keep dreaming, pursue your joy. I am supporting you and loving you each and every step of the way. I love you. I love you so much.
[00:58:13] My love. Thank you for being part of this community. This community that's made it possible for me to get to a hundred episodes. Thank you for being part of the whole hearted crew. I'm so grateful for you. So as we finished the podcast today, reflecting on one thing, that's resonating. From what we talked about, what you heard and just finding that one insight, that one, aha.
[00:58:40] That one feeling, and we're going to take one deep breath in and out, really reflecting on what's coming up for you. So breathing in pause and breathing out.
[00:58:58] I love you until next week. I'll talk to you then. Thank you so much for joining me this week. If you liked this episode, please share it with a friend subscribe or follow where you love listening most. And if you haven't yet leave a review, you can do this on apple podcast, cast box pod, chaser, or podcast addict until next week.
[00:59:23] Love.