You are not meant to heal alone [Self Growth Myths] | ep80
Today’s Mindset Monday reads:
We are not meant to heal alone. We are not meant to grow in isolation. We were never meant to figure it all out by ourselves.
One thing that I have learned on my journey of growth and healing is that we’re not meant to do it alone.
We were never meant to do it alone. We are meant to heal and grow in community. That is how we transform. That is how we create lasting change.
But that is easier said than done because, for so many of us, the communities that we are most closely connected to aren’t on the same journey as us.
Here’s a truth:
One of the hardest things you will face on your self-growth journey is realizing that those around you often aren’t along for the same ride.
Your friends. Your families. Your partners. Your colleagues.
And so, here you are embarking on this incredible ride and there’s no one there to hold your hand, to celebrate your joy, or to buoy you up. And this is why so many of us falter, stall or even give up all together. Because healing and growth are difficult enough, doing it alone makes it so much harder.
I read somewhere that the community you surround yourself with dictates 95% of the decisions you make and the habits you cultivate.
NINETY-FIVE!
The people we surround ourselves with can either be catalysts for change, motivating us, providing accountability and supporting us every step of the way.
OR
They can drain us, trigger our deepest fears, and derail us (consciously or unconsciously ) from what we most desire.
Transformation and change often means having to re-evaluate your relationships and becoming more deliberate about how and with whom you spend your time. Now, this doesn’t make you better than everyone else… Although, trust me, sometimes you will think it. It just means that, on this path called life, you’re taking a road that others around you aren’t.
And it means realizing that in order to get further on that road you need companions to help you.
Self-discovery doesn’t happen in isolation... it just doesn't.
So, how do we find the community that we truly need to thrive and flourish?
It requires the courage to put ourselves in spaces and places where those people may be. It truly takes a certain bravery to put yourself out there as a grown-ass adult and seek out a community that truly sees you for who you are and more importantly who you are becoming.
This is where The Alchemy Collective comes in.
It provides you with the built-in support you need to transform and grow. And to, more importantly, sustain that growth (that's why it's a 12 month long membership).
It makes such a difference to have other smart, curious, kind women in your corner.
✨Accepting you for who you are in this moment.
✨Encouraging your “weird” ideas with so much enthusiasm.
✨Supporting your journey as you figure out what works best for you.
As part of The Collective, you will not only have an incredible community behind you... but you'll also have me.
This is the final week to join us.* You can head here for more information.
*NOTE: The Collective is now closed for enrollment, but by joining the wait list, you’ll know when the doors open again and even receive a special discount.
Listen to the episode below to hear about my journey of finding my community and to hear from two grown-ass women like you who were able to find theirs.
A quote to take with you:
“It is so empowering to be part of a community that not only says, ‘Yes! I see that. I acknowledge that. I see what you're going through, and also, I have been there too,’ or ‘I am there as well.’”
Want to dive deeper through journal prompts?
If you want to be in the know and get each Mindset Monday straight to your inbox complete with journal prompts to take you even further, get on my email list.
About your host, Shirin Eskandani
Hi, love! I’m Shirin.
Coach, speaker, writer, and life alchemist.
I teach you how to trust your intuition again, tune out all the BS, and let your heart lead the way.
Because once you strengthen your inner GPS, decisions become easier, boundaries become clearer, and belly laughs become a daily thing.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:
I’m a certified life coach (accredited through the International Coach Federation)
My husband and I met on Instagram and we live in Brooklyn, NY with our plant babies
I have a masters degree in Music and was a professional opera singer for twelve years. I worked all over the world singing on stage at Carnegie Hall and the Metropolitan Opera (more on that later…).
I believe in the woo just as much as I do the work (internal and external). No amount of crystals and affirmations will make up for a lack of a healthy mindset and aligned action.
I love all the Real Housewives franchises. Don’t make me choose one… seriously, don’t.
+ Read the episode transcript here
Shirin: Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. If you're looking for more purpose, more passion, more joy in your life, then you have come to the right place, let's create your dream life while living your dream life. Okay, love.
Hi love. Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. This is where we take a deeper dive into my mindset Monday post, which you can read on Instagram at @wholeheartedcoaching, or you can get the full post plus my weekly journal prompts. When you sign up for my email list, you can do that in the show notes, or you can head to my website, wholehearted-coaching.com.
So if you listen to last week's episode, you will know that I made a very big announcement. I am launching my very first membership. The alchemy collective, the alchemy collective is a 12 month membership with me where you learn how to become your own healer and leader. I believe that we all know best when it comes to our healing and growth journey, but so often in the wellness world, we are made to feel like we need to be looking for the answers outside of ourself.
And in the alchemy collective, you will learn all of the tools and lessons and concepts that allow you to really thrive on this self growth path that you are on. Now. Membership is only open until October 1st. Which means if you're listening live that's the end of this week, that is Friday as part of the collective.
You get three group coaching calls a month, a monthly private podcast, monthly journal prompts, monthly somatic practices like meditation, breath, work, tapping videos. You also get access to my entire library of tapping videos and meditations and every Equinox and solstice. I invite some of my favorite healers and leaders to come and have a big virtual retreat slash party.
If this sounds like something you're interested in head to whole hearted-coaching.com/alchemy again, enrollment doors close this Friday, October 1st. So this entire month, I have been focusing on misconceptions. What I believe to be misconceptions about self growth, right? What self growth looks like, who it's for, how it's supposed to be practiced.
And today we're going to talk about something that I don't think is brought up often enough when we talk about growing and healing, and that is community, the community you surround yourself with. While you embark on this healing journey is so incredibly important. It's so incredibly important in the quote unquote, success of that journey of whether or not you stay on that path.
Today's mindset Monday reads you are not meant to heal. We are not meant to heal alone. Love. We are not meant to heal in isolation. Of course, the journey that we are embarking on. Yes. That is us on that path. But when we are surrounded by like-minded, like-hearted like valued individuals. That is how we stay steady on that.
When we have challenges when there are difficulties having that community around you is what allows you to continue down that path. Now, listen, I'm a sound nerdy, but Lord of the rings, y'all the Hobbit, you know, Frodo. That was his journey, right. That was his journey to take that damn ring to more door.
Okay. But Frodo did not do that alone. He needed Sam and Gandalf and you know what, I'm going to stop right there because my nerdiness is going to shine through. But that is what this healing journey is like. Yes, we are supposed to face those challenges. Navigate those difficulties, have those joyous moments.
Yes. Those are our. But those moments are facilitated by the community that we surround ourselves with. So often when a potential client has a call with me, a consultation with. I don't do one-on-ones anymore. And whenever I say that, they're like, Ugh, I don't know. I just, I kind of just, I just wanted to work with you Sharon.
Like I don't, I don't really like groups. I don't like being vulnerable. I just, not enough when you have a one-on-one opening, just let me know. And I'm like, listen, just try it out. Just try it out. Whether it's whole hearted woman, whether it's the collective, whether it is inner compass, just try it out.
And nine times out of 10. Those same people say the community was the best part of everything. I see this time. And again, and I know that this is true because it's something that I experienced as well. But as women, we so often think we are islands unto ourselves, that our problems, that what we're going through, the, what we are feeling are ours and ours alone, that there's no one else out there in the world that could possibly be thinking this or feeling this or going through.
And it is so empowering to be part of a community that not only says yes, I see that I acknowledge that. I see what you're going through. And also I have been there too, or I am there as well. You know, we walk around in our world, especially with social media posting, these really great highlight reels of what our lives are like.
And this disconnects us from one another. And it makes us feel as if we are alone and how we feel and what we experience. And when you come into a community, a community like the outcome, you collective, you find that shared space in which you can express yourself in which you can be supported and in which you can be inspired.
To be honest, this is one of the biggest reasons why I created the alchemy collective because we are lacking in whole hearted community in our lives. I mean, let's be honest. When you embark on this healing journey, most of your friends, your family, your partner are usually not taking the same journey as you.
Right. Everyone comes to us at their own time. If they ever even come in. And so here you are really just like Frodo with his ring, going down a really scary unchartered path, a path that, you know, you must go down, but it seems like there's no one around you to hold your hand at times. No one around you to give you a pep talk, no one around you to acknowledge what you are going through.
And this is what really, to me defines whether we stay on the path or not the people we surround ourselves with. You know, I read a study and it said that 95% of our actions of our habits of our decisions are reflected in the community. We surround ourselves with meaning that 95% of what we do, how we react, how we are in the world is dictated by our community.
Now, listen, I am not saying that your community is trash. They're not our friends, our family, our partners, our wonderful people. But this healing and growth journey is not one that everyone wants to take or perhaps they don't want to take it the way you're taking it. And I have to tell you love. If you find yourself stumbling are faltering or wanting to give up altogether, look around you.
If you do not have the people who share the same values and vision as you, it's going to be really hard. In episode 60 of the podcast. I talk about this. I talk about how, when we are on our healing journey, one of the things we don't talk about enough, and one of the most heartbreaking things is realizing that those around you are not on the same path and that perhaps you are outgrowing your community.
Now, I'm not saying we're supposed to leave our community behind, but what I'm saying today, especially. Is that the community that you surround yourself with is going to play a really pivotal role in your healing journey. Now that doesn't mean we have to say goodbye to everyone, but it does mean that we have to seek out the spaces and the places and the people that are going to be able to support us.
Love your community is either going to support you, boy, you up inspire you, see you and hear you. Or they're going to question. They're going to ask you why you like this. Now they're going to undermine what you are doing and not consciously most of the time it's super unconscious, right? It's very jarring for people when we start to quote unquote change and we know we're not changing.
I mean, if we are changing, if anything, we're becoming again, a truer version of ourselves. What? I talked about a couple episodes back. But to people around us, it's like, why are you acting like this? Why are you responding like this? I just had someone send me a DM today. I had posted something about growing and healing and how at the beginning it kind of looks a little ugly, right?
Lots of ugly tears, lots of yelling into pillows. And you know, what, if I'm being honest, that happens throughout our healing journey, right? And this person said, thank you so much for writing this. The other day I was crying. I was kind of having a breakdown and a friend of mine said, Hey, all of this, like self-growth stuff you're doing, doesn't seem to be working.
I mean, can you imagine that? And yes, actually I'm putting up my hand because I did experience that. But the person who sent me that DM said, you know, my friend said that to me and I knew that she was. I knew that these tears were me releasing. I knew that these tears were me breaking through it. Wasn't a breakdown.
It was a breakthrough. And that my friend could not see that because she doesn't have the same tools and concepts and ideas that I have. In episode 60 of the podcast, where I talk about outgrowing our community, I share this story that comes from the Micronesians. And it's about how we as humans sometimes outgrow who we are and how it can be so jarring for the people around us.
So the Micronesians used to believe that we as humans have this like super power and that we used to be able to shed our skin. And so the story goes that this woman went to the. And she shattered her skin. And as she shut her skin, the skin fell in the water and it kind of got hooked onto a branch, but she, she didn't mind.
And she went back home and when she went back home, she entered her house and her daughter saw her there. And her daughter didn't recognize her. Right. Because she no longer had that old skin. She had this new skin and the daughter started to cry and scream because she didn't recognize her mother. And so the mother went back down to the room.
Picked up her old skin and put it on again. And the story goes is that is when we, as humans lost the ability to shed our skin. And that is what it's like. So often when we are healing, when we are growing. The people around us don't recognize who we are anymore. And they make these comments that really, when it comes down to it are projections of their own insecurities, their own fears, but those comments can undermine what we are doing.
You know, at the beginning of our journey, it's like we have these Bambi legs and some of those comments may keep us down. Some of those comments really may make us question ourselves and so love. The community that is around you on this path that you are on. And I know that you're on it because you're listening to this podcast matters.
So how do we create a new kit? We create a new community by putting ourselves in those places where we will find those people who share our values, share what we desire, share our vision for me when I started out, I mean, listen, I'm friends with a lot of the same people that I had many, many years ago, but I've also gained some incredible friends who understand me.
A different level. And I, I want to say a deeper level and I do think it's deeper, but for sure, a deeper level. And I found those people by going to workshops and retreats by sliding into their DMS, finding those like-minded and hearted individuals. And I know that as an adult, as a grown ass adult, it can be so hard to find those people.
And this is truly why I created the collective because also not all communities are created equal love. I know that you have found yourself in one of these online communities, it's about healing and growth and you got there and you were like, oh my gosh, I cannot stand these people, your side eyeing, everything.
And you really can't get into the experience. And many of the places we find ourselves in are quote, unquote, safe places. And then we get there and we're like, there is nothing safe about this. The alchemy collective is the antidote to all of that. It is a community of such diverse and incredible human beings.
And that community of course includes. Me as your guide facilitator teacher, I am there to hold your hand as well. Love. I will be. You're Sam wise. I'm not going to say Gandalf because really I love potatoes. I do. So if anyone gets that reference, listen, alchemy, collective. That's all I can say. So I wanted to end this episode with two interviews from two incredible human beings who I got the privilege and honor to work with this.
Um, an inner compass and they were both people who kind of were like, I don't know about this group aspect. And they both ended up loving the group, the community that they found in whole hearted coaching. This is something that I am so incredibly proud of as a coach, is that my. Our magic, the people that are there are magic, the way that they support one another is magic.
The way they inspire. And boy, one another up it's magic. So I want you to hear firsthand from two people who joined my community this summer and what they found in those communities. So love again, the alchemy collective enrollment closes. This Friday, October 1st, you can find out more at wholehearted-coaching.com/alchemy.
All right now, to these two incredible people. So I am so incredibly thrilled and excited to be talking to the niece. The niece just finished inner compass with us this summer and inner compass this year had a really big community aspect to it. And for me, she was just such a bright light in our community.
And I wanted to connect with her to talk about just that community part of it. And also just showing up quote, unquote imperfectly. Cause that's what I loved about Viennese. She would show up however she could show up. So the niece, can you first just tell us a little bit about who you
VeNeace: are? Oh, who am I?
I'm a Detroiter grew up in the D and I'm a nurture. I'm a giver. I'm an Energizer. I love. I'm always seeking to improve myself. And whether that's by getting more information or knowledge or reading people or experiences, it's like, I'm always on a quest for, I'm not the next best thing, but just next best thing for me, I should say that.
But yeah, that's in a nutshell who
Shirin: I am. I love it. And so this summer, what was your decision? What was the factor that made you sign up to do this work and inner compass? And really the summer, the focus was on working with me in groups, having those group calls twice a month and also having a community aspect too.
But what drew you to inner compass? What were you hoping to find?
VeNeace: What drew me to inner compass was like a twofold thing. I had been on this quest for wellness and I got sucked into the hope and. Diet culture and self-worth and self-acceptance, and I felt a little lost about what all of this. How to navigate it and how to really stand true in it.
So I was like, well, maybe I should go and talk to a therapist. And I'm like, oh, that hasn't worked well in the past. And I followed you on Instagram. I got your emails. I've even shared your weekly emails with my mom. She's like, oh my gosh, he is phenomenal. I was like, I know. Right. So I got the emails about inner compass and I looked at it.
I was like, Ooh, That's an investment, right. But the last day, you, since the email and you're like, you get in my 12 o'clock, didn't join the first call. You can be in the group and I'm like, I'm going to do it. I signed up and I did it and I never second guessed it. I never doubted that it was the decision for me.
I never thought about therapy again, because it's not something that therapy could help with. This experience is. Helpful and, um, life altering than I could've imagined.
Shirin: Oh, I'm just thank you for that. And I'm just so thankful you took that risk because I remember I forgot to close enrollment the night before and the next day I was like, well, I didn't close it.
So I might as well tell people. And there was you and two other people who. And the three of you is such a beautiful part of the community. So I'm so glad y'all did that. I'm so glad I'm a last minute purchaser. I'm always that person who's like, oh, damn. Like I just missed
VeNeace: out on that.
Shirin: I live in, I run my business as I am the customer that I'm writing two and four.
But what I want to know is in inner compass. So inner compass is actually part of the alchemy collected. Inner compass is part of that. So you get that. But this summer, what I really wanted to do was to really kind of heal and grow through community and also through our calls together. Cause like, I can give you the content.
I can give you the worksheets. I can give you all this great stuff, but I think the real magic and the real growth happens when we get in community and talk about it together. And so what was that like for you to have a community, to kind of go through these really deep topics? Like we talked about some really heavy stuff.
What was that like for you? Was there any hesitance was there, what was that?
VeNeace: I was apprehensive at first because you never know what's expected. Are people going to overshare is no one going to share, am I going to be the only one running my mouth all the time? Because I like to share I've thought about that part too.
But overall after the first call that we had, I was like, wow. That was pretty deep. And then we had our one-on-one because I want a call with you. And I was like, oh my gosh, if I do nothing else, but show up for these calls, whenever they're scheduled, it was worth it. Every penny, everything was worth it, just showing up for the cause.
That was the best part. And by maybe towards the end, I had this epiphany that. Showing up was the community showing up was what made it community. If nobody showed up and no one had anything to contribute, then we're not investing in the community. And that's what made it work. Everybody's showing up through whatever they had to work through depression that workdays broken arms, whatever we showed up.
And we shared and we cried and we laughed and it worked every time. Every time I got off the call. I wasted that was worth it. No matter what I had to go through, sitting in a conference room, sitting in my car, driving to get my lunch, putting on hope it was worth it. I made it. But sharing that aspect of knowing that these thing women had the exact same thoughts that I have, they're going through the exact same challenges, the same things break their heart.
It was amazing because you have your community of family and friends and people you grew up with and people in your culture. And sometimes I just don't get it. And I connected with complete strangers about life things. Everybody got it. You bringing us together, which is definitely the work of.
Shirin: Oh, you're giving me ghost ghosts because what you're describing and what you're saying has like, always been my mission. And like, I think the magic is in the community and it's exactly what you said. It's like, I have witnessed people share some stuff in our group that they're like, I've never told my partner this I've never told my best friend this because also we, even to the closest field around.
We just become this certain person and it just be almost becomes too much work to have to share this thing. And then you have to explain, well, you know, this is why I think this thing. And it's
VeNeace: like,
Shirin: yes, Yes. And there is a magic and the connection of really realizing that all these different people who look different, who maybe even look like they have their shit together.
And you're like, whoa, you were thinking the same thing. You were kind of feeling that same thing. There's a real magic there. So you're giving me goosebumps. And I really, I really wanted you to also speak, because I know one of the big things with people when it comes to programs like this, where there's.
A group call where there's things that are scheduled. They get really worried. Cause they're like, wait, but I may have work. I have this, I have that. And y'all Viennese. As she said, it was like, she was like the USBs nor wind, nor sleet, nor rain or snow, she would show up in her car in, at work, in a conference room.
She put herself on mute. She turned off the video, but like you showed up as much as you. Good. So can you please explain that to me? Because that, to me, I was like, she is a real one, just like showing up in perfectly. That is how we do the work. So tell me about that. That's the
VeNeace: crazy part I was showing up in perfectly.
Am I type a crazy self? It drove me insane that it wasn't the way I wanted it to be. I wasn't comfortable all the time. I was rushing my armpit for sweaty. People were asking me questions and I'm like, don't you see I'm on a call, but it was kind of myself here. That's what I deemed it as. This is part of my self care I invested in my.
And the least I can do is show up for these costs. I can step through presentations all day and make notes and have them 15 minutes, which I did. I have tons of scribbles in my notebooks about watching the video and doing the worksheets, but just being there. No matter how you feel before. You'll always feel better after it's kind of like exercise for me.
I know I don't want to do it, but the endorphins I get afterwards, I'm like, whoa, yes, I'm glad I did it. And that's what the calls are for work with. Getting to me like what's happening, resistance was occurring, but I'm like, you know, you'll feel better on the other end. And I'll always felt better. I had to fight back tears sometimes.
And cause I was like, be strong, be strong. Not that tears are a sign of weakness, but I just felt. I was standing and loving observation and community for my sisters on this call to be strong for them, even though they couldn't see me crying. And I could tell them that I was, it's just, I felt like I was being strong for them by not, you know, standing firm.
So it meant a lot to me to persevere, to get through it, to make it a priority, to make it part of my self-care. I was a little sad after the module five called left on our final call. I was like, this is it. You know, it was amazing. Definitely worth every experience. Every penny, every conference room, call every everything.
And you don't in the beginning. Honestly, every time I started the time for the call
Shirin: in the middle of the day,
VeNeace: but I was like, you can't change this either you show up or you shut up.
Shirin: You definitely showed up and you showed up for our community and you showed up for yourself, you showed up for the work. It was just so, so beautiful when he's. So is there like one word or one phrase that you can think of to describe what the community you found was what it was like or what it meant to you?
Whatever. What's that one word or one phrase?
VeNeace: I would have to pick reassuring because it made me feel like I wasn't alone. It was proof that I was not alone. Like my natural blood sisters didn't feel half of the stuff that these women felt with me. And we were complete strangers. It was very reassuring.
That one, I wasn't crazy to what I was feeling was normal. And perfection is absolutely normal and stuff. Acceptance is the journey. It's not a destination. It's definitely.
Shirin: I love that. So then these final question, this is all the alchemy collective. The enrollment closes on October 1st, which is people listening live it's this week, you know, as part of the alchemy collective, you get three group calls a month and you get this beautiful community and all these other amazing things as part of it.
But what would you say to someone who's like maybe possibly considering joining the alchemy collective is unsure. Doesn't know if they're ready to take that leap. What would you say to them?
VeNeace: I would say, jump in feet first. Just go for it. Stop doubting, stop making your pros and cons with stop counting all your coins.
Make it happen. It'll be worth it. That's what I did. I made it happen.
Shirin: Oh my gosh. Many times so grateful for you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your beautiful words and your amazing energy. Always. Thank you.
VeNeace: I appreciate you more than, you know,
Shirin: So I am so excited to be in community and conversation with Rebecca. I've known her Becca kind of known. And I say that in quotes, we met at an event like two years ago, I was doing this really cool workshop at the. Really amazing, like hydrotherapy spot in Brooklyn and she was there and we'd been in touch since.
And I just, I think the world of her, I think she's incredible. And I finally got the privilege to work with her this summer. Um, she did inner compass summer camp, which inner compass summer camp again. Big community group component to that, so, okay. Rebecca, can you please tell us a little bit about yourself?
Rebecca: Hi, thank you so much for having me on, and this is just a wonderful opportunities. I just want to thank you right off the bat, but yes, my name is rabbi. I'm actually originally from Los Angeles. And now I live in Brooklyn. I moved out to New York about eight years ago to pursue a career in the culinary arts.
So I attended culinary school out here and then just wound up finding work and opportunities, which was really great. So New York had always been on the dream list and someplace I wanted to wind up and. I moved out here with the plan of going to culinary school and finishing culinary school. That was it.
And then opportunities just kind of presented themselves. That kept me out here. So eight years later, I'm still here. I'm still working in the food industry. I actually worked for Russ and daughters, which is a really awesome old school Jewish appetizing business. And I'm actually a assistant director of operations for them now.
Just always had a background in food and events, mostly. So to say the last year and a half has been a bit interesting in my line of work would, would be an understatement, but definitely part, I would say of the reason why I think I pursued the inner compass workshop. So fiercely this summer. Yeah.
Shirin: And I don't, I mean, I feel, and I don't know words in your mouth, but I feel like for maybe.
Like a year or so you had been interested in maybe joining a program of mine or something I was offering, but it seemed like this summer is something about doing inner compass really called out to you. So what do you think it was about doing this work this summer? That really like, you were like, yes, I need to do this.
I want to figure this out. Cause that's a big part of inner compass giving you the tools to help figure out. I figured out shit. So what was it for you to really will be like, okay, I'm going to do it this summer. I'm going to focus on this and you really throw yourself into it. You're like you did, you did the lessons, you did the modules.
You sent me one of the most beautiful emails I've ever read in my life. Like, it was just beautiful. Like you were having tons of aha moments. So what was it about this summer that you were like, I'm going to do this. I need to do.
Rebecca: Yeah. So we met a few years ago through a mutual or a mutual friend is kind of like what instigated the whole scenario in which I found myself at that event.
And you were there and it was such this like interesting, meaningful moment for me at that time. And so we connected, I think I immediately started following you on Instagram. And I have to say it was like definitely a seed was planted at that moment. I know now that that's what happens, but I don't think at the time I knew obviously that's what was going on.
Okay. So long story short, follow you on Instagram. I see all of your posts, all of your check-ins. And I think over the course of the two years, I have. Been looking for something. And I had followed a couple of different life coaches, life guides, different things like that. And there was something I have to say specifically about you having met you in person and just like vibing, you know, in real life.
And then being able to see your, everything you were putting on line. It like all matched and it was just all berries. Real. And I think that's why I just kept following and looking and like, I want to do something. Should I go to a retreat? Should I go to this? Should I take this course? And Lisa, that was, that was over the two year process.
Right. So it's been a lot of like, should I shun tie? Should I shouldn't tie? And I think like a lot of people, I found myself last summer. Needing something. So it wasn't just that it was looking like I needed to find something. And so over the course of the year of last summer, Everything kind of shut down.
March, 2020, I was working in food service. We were essential workers. I didn't stop working. I never had a break. I didn't have this, like time away. I was still showing up and like going to different locations and like making sure that our staff were okay, making sure our customers were getting what they needed.
So there was this period of time where it was just some. Like the world was on fire and I was grateful that it had something to focus on. And towards the end of 2020, I definitely like hit this wall and it was a combination I think, of like emotional and physical exhaustion. It was just like what we, as a society had been collectively going to, but like even more on a personal level, just like working through this whole time and like just all the different things that were happening.
So I had decided early this year, 2021 that I needed to take some time off just for my own wellbeing. And so I had approached work. I was like, listen, I just need to take X amount of time off. They were very. Open to like listening to me and working with me and very helpful in like, recognizing that. And so it took some time off and went back home to LA.
I saw the family, it took some vacation time, you know, spend a lot of time at the beach, a lot of time reading and a lot of time that where I thought like I was really. Giving myself what I needed, but just like that rest and like not a waste of time, I should say. And so I took the time off, I got back to New York, got back into my job and it felt like nothing had happened.
It felt like I hadn't taken a break. It felt like all of that stuff that I was looking for to help didn't even have. And that's really the best way I can put it just about that time. And I remember very specifically because it was the beginning of June. And so I'm getting ready to leave LA I head back to New York and I had started seeing your posts specifically for the inner compass group.
And all I can say is that something was drawing me towards it. And I knew all of the. Physical outside work. I put in like taking time off resting, you know, being with family, stuff like that, which was helpful and amazing and much needed. There was still something that was missing and I can't verbalize it.
I can't speak to exactly what that was except for. I know. And I was honestly, it was miserable. I was somewhat depressed. Um, you know, there was definitely a sadness and a heaviness and I just felt like. How is this going to change? Like I took the time off. I did the things that I thought I should do in order to feel better and I just didn't feel better.
And I knew it was all internal and the fact that I couldn't verbalize or put it into words made it that much more frustrating. So. Kept seeing your Instagram stories and posts. And I was in California with my friend, w my, like one of my childhood best friends. And I told her, I was like, you know, I'm thinking about taking this class.
Like, what do you think. And didn't give her any background. Didn't tell her who you were or how we met or anything like that. And she's like, do it. I think you should do it. And I was like, fine. If you think I should do it, I'm going to do it. And like, I can tell you, I literally waited until the last moment.
I think you were sending out at, at some point I had signed up like, okay, I'll get the informative emails. Right. Um, then you were sending the emails, like last chance to sign up, sign up
Shirin: now. And I was like,
Rebecca: No, maybe I'll be fine. Maybe I'll be fine. Do I really need to like, you know, throw money at the problem?
No, I'll be fine. I can figure this out on my own. And then I was like, girl, you just took all this time off. You just did all of these things and that didn't help. And in my mind, I was like, what's the worst that could happen? You know, like just take a chance. And it was like between that and my friends validation and then like getting back to New York and just being in this like, horrible, like state of mind.
And I was like, okay, just do it. And so I think I signed up at 11:59 PM, like the day before it caught, you know, cutoff because that's, that's how I live my life. And I have to say like, And this is horrible because it's a podcast. I have no words for how impactful the course wound up being for me, it was funny.
Cause like, I, I knew that if I was going to do this, that I was going to commit to it because I was like, I'm going to put this, like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to sign up for it. And I'm going to like commit to doing it. And I think I. Before I have to say before 2020, I think I'm like a 50, 50%. Like maybe I'll do it.
Maybe I won't, maybe they'll do half of it. You know, all these projects and pass that. I kind of like started and stopped because I was told myself I didn't have time to do it. I finally just like kind of committed and did it. So when I signed up for the inner compass course, I was like, we're gonna, you know, like things were somewhat normalizing, we'll say, but I still knew it was like, you're going to come in and you're going to do this.
So I really did want to be involved, but to be perfectly honest, the course itself, And maybe the mindset I was in at the same time made it easy to do that. It wasn't this like far-fetched thing that I had to like reach for grasp that it wasn't this like very structured. Uh, it was structured. Don't get me wrong, but it wasn't so rigid that like, if you didn't want to do this part of module two, you couldn't go on to module three.
Right. And I found myself doing that a lot. Like, okay, I got what I needed. I'm going to move on because I feel like I'm going to come back to this later. There were some things that I knew in the moment I didn't need necessarily, but I knew I are, I know I will need it is how I'll put that. And then there were things that I just kind of like casually.
Okay, cool. Let's start module this and, you know, casually listen to, and then. Five minutes later, I'm in tears on my couch, like what is happening, you know, and like journaling my heart out and having these like really interesting introspective moments. So it was really interesting. And so that's what I'm saying.
Like the course itself was just so you could tell like lovingly and thoughtfully crafted that it just, it made me want to keep pursuing and doing. And I actually looked forward to the days where it was like, oh, I'm going to come home. I'm gonna spend an hour and a half just doing. So, yeah, sorry. That's a very long explanation.
It was beautiful. So, yeah. And then, like, I have to say in the process of the course, you know, there were a lot of things that really impacted me, things that, you know, I've been in therapy. I've taken other, you know, uh, journal courses or, uh, um, mindfulness courses, things like this and that maybe it's like a one-off program.
And somebody sent me a PDF and I just like, kind of did it on my own and some random quotes and praises, you know, to use as my inspirations. And, but it was all very disconnected. It was very cold. It was very lonely. And this. In 2021, all being done on zoom and through the interwebs and through email and through Facebook, there was this sense of community and connection that I really felt, and obviously had to do a hundred percent with the coursework itself.
But the women, I think, in this particular group were just so. Lovely and easy to talk to. And just there was this like overall sense of welcomeness that I think really made it easy to participate, want to be involved and like look forward to the calls and like want to make time and make sure it could be on the calls.
And even if I couldn't make a call, like looking forward to the, like the YouTube link so I could watch it later. So just really having. Unlike the other things I've done in the past, which have been so solitary, like really having this opportunity to be in community with other women, going through very similar situations and going through the same coursework at the same time was very meaningful in that way.
I
Shirin: love that. So, so much you, cause this podcast episode is about, we're not meant to heal alone. And I think a lot of the women who work with me initially want to work with me. They're like, oh, I just want to work one-on-one and I'm like, well just try this group thing. I just see what happens. Okay. Nine times out of 10, they say the group component was like one of the most transformative parts.
And the reason why I really, really wanted to interview you Rebecca, especially was you sent me this really lovely email where I think you had this like real aha moment of what the community gave you and why it was so integral to this journey of understanding and healing and growth. Can you like expand upon kind of what you sent me?
Cause it was just such a beautiful email and you're like, oh my God. Yeah.
Rebecca: Well, yeah, so I remember there were like two parts of that email, right? And like one was this like a Tiffany I had on boundary. And part of that was what you communicated. I never heard before. It was like literally the first time I'd ever heard that.
And it just. So much to like so many experiences I had been through that then led to this kind of like secondary moment of like, see, this is what happens when you look outside yourself, you find the answers that you didn't know you were looking for because there was so much out there that is around and is available, but we have either never been exposed to it or even know how to ask or look for it.
Okay. That led to this picture of community. And like, how does the whole point of community of this greater group presence, tribe, family of people who are all bringing their own unique experiences and situations to the table, and then being able to share that. And that's how you learn and grow. Right. And.
I'm Jewish. My background, my family were Jewish and community is a big part of Judaism and it was a big part of our family growing up, just being in community and whether it was a dinner or a holiday or a big life events, you know, there was always a big group of people around you. Celebrate with you mourn with you, help you share with you.
And that was expressed so much in this group. And I think when it comes to these types of situations, like whatever you want to call it, self work growth. We tend to isolate and internalize because it is such a private, vulnerable thing. But when I was like going through all of this and we were having our weekly calls, I was really seeing.
The effects of being able to share and hear other people and their perspectives and how they were looking at things. And I'm going to be very a transplant. I was a bit annoyed at first because we're all on different paths. Right. So there would be some people who are like, oh my God, this great thing happened to me last week.
And I'm going on my second day, then I got the promotion and I was like, well, none of that's happened to me, like what was going on? So I'm not going to lie that it was like, all like, oh, that's so amazing. I'm like, I love everyone. And I think that was something that I needed to go through. Like I needed like to quench my ego.
I needed to like, not be so judgemental. Like there were moments where it was. Dude, this isn't about you like celebrate other people. And I think that was a really big part of it too specifically from my experience was being able to like, hear and celebrate with other people, even though I wasn't maybe seeing the same results at the same time.
And then there were other weeks where I was having a good week and other people were kind of down. And so it was definitely this like balance of energy that I think kept going. And I was just really so moved. And touched by everyone's like vulnerability and like willingness to like really show up and share with honestly, a group of strangers.
And like, we've got to know each other for the course of time. And, but there was always just the sense of support and togetherness. And I think that's, those are the aspects of community that I really love and appreciate. So you guys, like we're not all on the same path, I'm not all on the same journey, but we all have the.
Desires and needs to like, want to support and help each other, like along the way. And I was just so appreciative of that. And, you know, I think one thing I said to you in that email was, you know, often we think we're struggling, the struggles that we're experiencing are ours alone. And if we can just look up and look outside, we can see that so much of what we're going through is a shared experience.
And there are people there willing to celebrate. More with you, help you if needed. And that is like the like community and what I really found so special about this course.
Shirin: I love that, so, so much. No, it's just, it's exactly it, Rebecca. So finally, last question. So this is all for the alchemy collective. If someone was considering possibly joining the alchemy collective and they're on the fence about it, they're unsure.
What would you say to them about this collective of being in community of growing and healing and also getting to work with me? Like what would you say.
Rebecca: Do it get off the fence and do it. Literally. I told you I signed up at 1159 the night before the deadline, just because I wasn't sure. And there were a lot of things.
I had a lot of mental roadblocks and I think one of it was just like, what is this actually going to do? You never know until you try. And I don't think. Any time you do something that is investing in your mental, spiritual, physical wellbeing is ever a bad investment. So people who are on the fence, I really strongly encourage you.
Like my best friend told me, just do it. I think you just do it, do it. That was literally the conversation. There is so much potential there. And I think there is so much to be said about that. Investing in yourself and committing to the process and I'll be perfectly Frank. Like even if I showed up half the time during this course, I still would've pulled so much away from it.
And so I think like all aspects of the program and specifically. The time together is just so beneficial and you're really going to regret it. That's the thing. I think we always look at stuff like this is like, what's, I hate to sound like a nerd. What's the ROI. What's the return on investment with stuff like this.
There is going to be a return on investment and you can't quantify it at the beginning, but you sure as hell will see that during the journey. And at the end, you will be able to look back and see all the things. The opportunity is there. And I think you should. Go with your gut and your intuition as you talk about so many times and do the damn thing.
Shirin: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much, Rebecca. It's been such a joy getting to know you, and it's been such a privilege to do this work with you. Thank you for sharing. Your thoughts. I appreciate it's so, so much love. Of course,
Rebecca: I'm sending you so much love and I, I just, I really have to say, I could write you all the emails and do you know all the podcast possible.
I don't think I'll ever be able to convey how significant this was for me and how special it was and how it is something I will carry with me for the rest of my life. And I also signed up for the manifesting course, so I'm excited to start that because I just needed something else after.
Shirin: Well, I can't wait for the emails for that one.
I'm so excited to be ready. Thank you again, Rebecca. Thank you so, so much,
Rebecca: of course, of course, all love, all love and light.
Shirin: well. So, again, love if you are listening live. This is the final week to sign up for the alchemy collective doors close on October 1st. If you are looking for a space to grow, heal and transform.
With a community with people who will uplift you, support you and inspire you with me at your side, with a curriculum that is there to support you all along the way. And I really hope that you will join us. You can find more information@wholehearted-coaching.com slash alchemy until next week. Love I will talk to you then.
Thank you so much for joining me this week. If you liked this week's episode, please share it with a friend comment and rate this podcast until next week. See you later. Love.