The Truth of who you are [Best of WHC] | ep90
Today’s Mindset Monday reads:
There is no fake it until you make it, love. There’s nothing fake about showing up in your fullness. That is the person you are meant to be. That is the person you have always been.
There is no fake it until you make it. This is a narrative we need to change. If faking it means being confident, standing in your fullness, and showing up as your whole self… Then that, to me, sounds like the truth.
That is the truth of who you are, love. The belief that you are not worthy, that you are not capable, that you are not deserving… that’s the fake stuff, love.
The truth is:
You are worthy.
You are deserving.
You are capable.
You are enough.
You know what you are doing.
And as you read this, there is a part of you that knows this to be true.
I used to believe in the term “fake it until you make it.” Until one day I was asked to step into my greatness and I realized that there is nothing fake up about showing up fully in our lives. About 3 months after I launched Wholehearted Coaching I got an email from a producer at the Today Show asking me to be featured on a segment about mindfulness.
At first I thought the email was a joke. A new version of those Nigerian Prince emails but like much more cruel…. And then after re-reading it 100 times, I realized that I had met the producer at an event I had led a few months previous. And that this was no joke — The Today Show wanted me!
At the time, I felt like I was a complete mess. I had no idea what I was doing as a first time business owner. I had just made a website. I was struggling to get clients. And then all of a sudden in the middle of all this “mess”, I got an email from a producer at the Today Show asking if I could appear on the show.
Even though I felt like a mess, I knew I had to say yes.
I soon found myself at 30 Rock, getting my hair and makeup done next to Carson Daley (what is my life?). And next thing I knew I was in front of the cameras chatting with Hoda and Kathie Lee. It was all a total blur, but I remember feeling totally grounded and capable. It wasn’t until I watched the clip later that it all sunk in. I was on national TV and I was…. Amazing.
I was in awe of myself. I watched myself stand in front of that camera as if I had done it a million times. (You can watch the clip here)
For a long time, I couldn’t figure out how I did such an amazing job and I attributed it to the phrase “fake it until you make it.” But that’s not actually what I did. There was nothing fake about the woman in that interview. That woman was actually me. Who I really am.
Before I went on the show I remember asking myself:
“Who is the person I need to be in this moment?”
“Who is the person who shows up and know she deserves to be there?"
” Who is the person who knows that she can handle whatever comes her way?”
They were grounded, calm, warm, assured, grateful and present. I envisioned this person and I channeled them And here’s the thing that I now realize, she wasn’t the fake version of who I was, she is actually who I am.
That day illuminated to myself who I truly am:
I am grounded, calm, assured, grateful and present.
I deserve all the good.
I am capable of handling any challenge.
And so are you, love. This is the truth. All the other stuff, that’s fake. So, let’s change the script. There is no fake it until you make it. You embody your fullness until you are reminded that that is who you truly are.
Listen to this week’s episode where I explain the full story of what actually happened at the Today Show and share one of my favorite quotes about stepping into our fullness.
A quote to take with you:
“The truth is you are enough. You are worthy, you are deserving, you are capable”
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About your host, Shirin Eskandani
Hi, love! I’m Shirin.
Coach, speaker, writer, and life alchemist.
I teach you how to trust your intuition again, tune out all the BS, and let your heart lead the way.
Because once you strengthen your inner GPS, decisions become easier, boundaries become clearer, and belly laughs become a daily thing.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:
I’m a certified life coach (accredited through the International Coach Federation)
My husband and I met on Instagram and we live in Brooklyn, NY with our plant babies
I have a masters degree in Music and was a professional opera singer for twelve years. I worked all over the world singing on stage at Carnegie Hall and the Metropolitan Opera (more on that later…).
I believe in the woo just as much as I do the work (internal and external). No amount of crystals and affirmations will make up for a lack of a healthy mindset and aligned action.
I love all the Real Housewives franchises. Don’t make me choose one… seriously, don’t.
+ Read the episode transcript here
[00:00:00] Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. If you're looking for more purpose, more passion, more joy in your life. then you have come to the right place, let's create your dream life while living your dream life. Okay, love.
[00:00:21] Hi love. Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. This is where we take a deeper dive into my mindset Monday. Which you can read on Instagram at @wholeheartedcoaching, or you can get the full post. Plus my weekly journal prompts. When you sign up for my email list, you can do this in the show notes, or you can head to my website, wholehearted-coaching.com.
[00:00:47] So if you've been listening to the podcast for awhile, you will know that every week we have new and fresh content. Honestly, I am even surprised when I first started this podcast, I was like, how am I going to have new content, something new to speak on every week and over the last year and a half it has happened.
[00:01:06] And it has been such a joy to connect with you in this way. For the month of December, though, we're doing something a little different for the entire month. Every week we are re releasing an episode. That was either a fan favorite. So a most downloaded episode or one of my favorites for 2021. So today we are starting with one of my favorites and this episode aired originally in January.
[00:01:36] So it was the very top of the year. And it's one of my favorites because it is a topic that I think is so incredibly important. And I share one of my favorite stories. So in this episode, we are going to be dispelling breaking down, letting go of the myth of fake it until you make it. Now, this is a phrase, I think a lot of us here, especially when we're doing something new and different somewhere where we feel like we have to like fake our confidence or fake our expertise.
[00:02:08] And this episode is all about how that is a total. And I also share with you my story of being on the today show. I was asked to be on the today show about five months in to when I started my business. It is such a great story and involves Carson, Daly, Hoda, and Kathie Lee. It's one of my favorite stories to share.
[00:02:31] So if you listened to this episode last year, I urge you to listen to it again, because I have a feeling you're going to get some new nuggets. And if you've never listened, well, I hope you enjoy. But before we dive in this whole season, whatever you celebrate is all about giving and receiving. So in the spirit of giving in January, I am going to be doing a free week long workshop called your best year.
[00:03:00] And it's all about how to create an intentional, deliberate wholehearted soul aligned 20, 22. I'm going to be sharing with you all of the rituals and techniques and tools I use to create a year that is not only soul nourishing, but where I'm also doing the things that I truly want to be doing. So, if you want to sign up for the waitlist head to whole hearted-coaching.com/waitlist, and you can also go to the show notes to sign up for that as well.
[00:03:34] And in turn for that element of receiving. I am asking if you could possibly leave a review, leave a review on wherever you listen to your podcasts. This is how we get more people in the whole hearted community. This is how all the different podcast platforms kind of recommend podcasts to other people.
[00:03:56] So if you could subscribe and also leave a review of this podcast, that would mean the world. All right, love. Let's dive into this episode, which is one of my favorites now. Y'all this is episode 15. Five zero. Now that is nearly a year's worth of episodes in much less than a year. I honestly, this podcast was a dream of mine for a while, but it just seemed like such a big undertaking.
[00:04:33] Yeah. Recording editing and, you know, having something to say to you every week, and I just thought that's not possible, Sharon, you don't have something to say every week. Well, it seems like I have more to say, um, in, you know, less than a week, like multiple times a week, because we are now at episodes. 50. I first just want to thank you.
[00:04:56] Thank you for being here. Thank you for taking the time to listen to my ideas and thoughts. We go into some really heavy stuff in this podcast and you are here for it, and I'm so incredibly grateful for you. I'm so incredibly grateful for the emails you send me, the DMS you send me and you tell me about.
[00:05:17] How something is resonating with you, how you had an aha moment. It has made me feel so connected in a time when we are really not connected with one another. So here is my ask of you. On this 50th episode, I would love if you could support the podcast by sharing it on Instagram, telling your friend about it, emailing to someone, posting it on Facebook, writing a review on whatever platform you listen to it on leaving me a rating subscribing to this podcast.
[00:05:54] All of this makes such a huge difference. This is truly a labor of love for me. This is me doing this all. I love doing it. And, um, I just would love if you could, you know, for their grow this community for their growth, the word, if you have been enjoying this podcast, then I hope I wish I would like for you to.
[00:06:19] Share it with a friend, share it with a loved one and yeah, leave me a review or like, but that would just mean, so, so much to me and yeah, 50, we're going to get to 100, then one day 600. I mean the sky is the limit. So let's talk about today's episode. Today's episode is about the phrase, fake it until you make it.
[00:06:45] Now, this is a phrase that I used to say all the time when I was a singer, you know, I would be at an audition that I felt overwhelmed by like total imposter syndrome, or I would be, you know, about to go on stage and just that phrase, you know, fake it until you make it, you know, just, just put on some confidence and, you know, stick your chest out and just fake it.
[00:07:09] And it wasn't until a couple years ago. But I realized this phrase is kind of B S so I want to share today's mindset Monday with you. And then I want to tell you the story of how I realized that we do not need to fake it until we make it. So today's mindset Monday reads. There is no fake it until you make it love.
[00:07:39] Instead, you embody it until you are reminded of. There is nothing fake about showing up in your fullness. That is the person you are meant to be. That is the person you have always been embody the person, you know yourself to be. So I started wholehearted coaching almost four years ago. And some of the first things that I ever did in this, this business was I was doing these talks with a good friend of mine.
[00:08:20] She's an incredible jewelry designer, Vanessa and jewelry. And she had this incredible idea that she and I would co-create a workshop together, or I would lead everyone through, um, These exercises in which they would distill a word, a core word for themselves, and then she would create jewelry from it.
[00:08:43] And so we were doing these workshops all over Manhattan, New York and Vanessa at the time. I mean, she still is. She is just that person who can network, like no one can network. And she got us into this kind of a pretty big deal event doing this work. And after the event was done, a really kind hearted woman came up to me.
[00:09:09] I mean, just one of those people who it's like their sunshine, right. This amazing sunshine of a woman came up to me. And we started to talk and she asked for my card. And so I gave her my card and this was about, I don't know, two months into me, you know, having a business. One of the first things I did was get a card.
[00:09:30] So I had my card, I gave it to her feeling super professional and, you know, she went off into the world and, you know, I kind of thought, well, maybe, maybe one day I'll hear, hear from her. So about three months later, I got an email from this woman. She was a producer at the today show and they were doing a segment about mindfulness.
[00:09:56] And she said, Hey, Sharon, you know, I was at that event. I don't know if you remember me, but I think you would be wonderful to come on the today's show and to talk about what mindfulness is. And I was like, huh? Like I had to read the email multiple times. Cause you know, when you get those like weird emails that you're like, um, is this real?
[00:10:18] Or is this like, I don't know, like, are you trying to get my money? Like, I don't know. This just does not seem real, but she was like, yeah, just send me an email and we'll talk about it. I thought, okay, well maybe she just wants ideas for how the segment should go. Right. I. I just started my business. I'm not an expert.
[00:10:34] Like she doesn't want me to talk. And so we get on the phone and all of a sudden it becomes very clear to me that I am being asked to be on the today show. And not just like any hour of the today show, but like the prime hour of the today's show, you know, where everyone's on there. It's like Al and Hoda and Kathie Lee.
[00:10:59] And I mean, of course I said, I said yes to it, but kind of also that, that feeling in your stomach where you're like, yes, I'm saying yes to this, but also like, why are you saying yes to this? So I will never forget. That day, because I kept saying to myself, okay, you're just gonna, you're gonna just fake it until you make it right.
[00:11:23] Like just, you're just gonna get up there. And, you know, you've been on stage before, you know what you're doing. So it was one of the most surreal experiences of my life being on the today show being picked up at like 5:00 AM, by a town car, like really fancy car being driven to 50 rocks. Going downstairs to get my hair and makeup done next to Carson daily.
[00:11:55] That's right. Eat your heart out. I got my makeup done next to Carson Daly and, you know, just being in the buzz of this event, you know, if, if, uh, You've never been on live TV or even just been in the audience of a show. Like it's very fast paced. Things are one thing to the next and you're being ushered from this room and, and it, it, it can be quite overwhelming.
[00:12:18] Right. And. I was just like breathing and I'm like, okay. It was great that I was talking about mindfulness, right. Because like, I was like doing all the exercises that I was going to talk about. And, um, the segment we were doing was going to be outside. And so we were taken outside. It was me and two other experts.
[00:12:41] One of them was one of the, oh God, Bob. Bob something. He was like the fitness guy on one of those terrible fitness shows at the time anyways, but like, they were kind of big names and we had to like pose with puppies to do promo and stuff. It was, it was just a real, this sounds like I'm talking about some sort of weird dream I had, I assure you this was real.
[00:13:03] And in that moment, right before I had to do my segment with Hoda and Kathie. One minute, right? Like one minute. Talk about mindfulness. Cool, cool, cool. I had of course prepped with the producer sunshine woman. She had pre she had prepped me in and I knew what I was going to be talking about and what they were going to ask me.
[00:13:25] And I breathed in deeply. And I said, who is the woman who shows up and knows that she deserves to be here? Who is the woman? That knows that she can handle this, who is the woman that I need to be in this moment. And in that moment, you know, the words grounded and calm and assured present,
[00:14:00] I envisioned this woman. I felt those feelings. I channeled that energy. And I went and I did an incredible interview. I mean, even to this day, I watched that interview and you can, I think if you Google my name and today's show, you can see it. That was five months into me having this business, me talking, you know, really publicly and explaining publicly what mindfulness is.
[00:14:30] I mean, it looked like. Um, look so many times, hundreds of times, like I was a pro at this, and I even remember then they had to kind of jump around with questions because you know, it's live TV. And I just remember just being so calm and present and also being an awe, like knowing at the same time, like this is an incredible experience and take this in.
[00:14:54] And when I watched that video, I'm like, whoa, there's nothing fake. About that Shirin. That's who I am. That is my true nature. And I know this to be true for all of us. We've all had that moment where we have had to step into something that we believed was, was too big for us, or, you know, out of our reach or we weren't ready for it yet.
[00:15:25] And we responded to the situation incredibly. Right. And after it, we're like, what the heck happened there? This is what happened. You embodied the person that you know yourself to be the person that you are. There is nothing fake about that version of ourselves. And I really want you to breathe this idea in that, that version of you that is open whole full.
[00:16:00] That is you. That is actually who you are. All the other stuff that's fake. That's the stuff that we have took on whether it's from society or our lived experiences or our families, or what we have seen. The fake stuff is the, I am not enough. I am not ready. I am not capable. I am a mess and listen. I want us to make a distinction here between what is true and what is real, right.
[00:16:32] When we are thinking those things, it is real what we are feeling in our bodies. When I say I am not enough, I'm not enough. I can't do this. That feels very real to me. And it has some very real responses in my body. So I don't want to, you know, um, say that that's not, that's not happening, but that's not the truth.
[00:16:56] The truth is you are enough. You are worthy, you are deserving, you are capable. And as I say this, I know there is a part of you that is saying yes. Yes. That is true. It's the part of you that has been waiting for you for so long? And they get to show up in these small moments. Perhaps they're getting to show up more and more in your life, but the more and more that, that version of you is allowed to breathe, to take up space to express itself.
[00:17:36] That is not fake. That is you
[00:17:43] last week. And one of my group coaching programs, I led them in a meditation around this idea. And then meditation was what I call my sky meditation that you are the sky. We are all the sky. We are as vast. We are as whole. We are as full. We are as big as the sky and all the other stuff. Right? The weather patterns, the storms, the clouds, even, even the sunshine, right.
[00:18:16] Those are things that are, that are happening in our lives are happening to us, but they are not us. We are the sky. I want to end the podcast with aligned from one of my favorite poems by Nikki Giovanni. The poem is titled a poem for a lady whose voice I like, and the line is the last line of the poem.
[00:18:44] And it says. Show me someone not full of herself. And I'll show you a hungry person.
[00:18:55] Show me someone not full of herself, and I'll show you a hungry person. If you identify as a woman, if you were raised as a woman in this society, that term being full of ourselves, right? Just like the word selfish is one that has been used against us. It's it's been weaponized against us. Right. That someone who is full of themselves, someone who knows that they are capable, who is confident, who walks into rooms, knowing her worst and her value and her wholeness and her fullness, that is someone who is full of themselves.
[00:19:38] And that is a negative thing. That is not a good thing. And so instead of feeding ourselves with those nourishing things, The nourishing things, being our confidence, our capability, our wholeness, our vastness, our fullness. We feed ourselves with untruths. We feed ourselves with these false beliefs that we are not worthy.
[00:20:05] We are not capable that we have no idea what we're doing, that we are messes. And when we feed ourselves with these beliefs, we're really starting ourselves. Love feed yourself, nourish yourself with the things that make you feel full, truly full, truly nourished, be so full of yourself. Walk into rooms, knowing that you've got this, that you deserve to be in those spaces, because that is who you are.
[00:20:44] That is the truth of who you are, all the other stuff. That's the fake stuff. That's the fake stuff that doesn't truly nourish us. So maybe this is the year of all of us embracing this idea of being full of ourselves to no longer starving ourselves, to feeding ourselves with those beliefs and thoughts that are actually true.
[00:21:14] Show me someone not full of herself and I'll show you a hungry person. Love it. You do not have to be hungry anymore. You have everything within yourself to nourish and feed yourself. So this week love, I want you to really think about this phrase of fake it until you make it right. What does that mean?
[00:21:43] Right? What does that mean? What does that phrase mean? Right. Fake it until you make it really figure that out for yourself and then see those things. Are those false things about you or are those things actually the truth about you truths that you fully can't perhaps embrace or accept? But then a part of you is like, yeah, yeah, I love that's you that's, you you're capable.
[00:22:11] You're confident. You know what you're doing? Okay. Maybe some of the time you're a little unsure, but when you listen to yourself, you have got this and you always figure it out. Right. Cause I think oftentimes we think that, you know, being confident or capable means we have to have the answer to everything and that's not true.
[00:22:35] But we have to know that regardless of the outcome of a situation, we can figure it out. Right? I think that's what confident people are. They're confident that they know they can trust themselves to figure it out each and every time. And love. I have a feeling that if you look at your past history, your track record, you've been able to figure it out.
[00:22:59] Maybe it took a little bit of time. Maybe it happened right away, but you are capable to figuring this thing called life out. So really dig into that. What is faking it until you make it? How can you start really, maybe embracing and embodying those things now. And again, that idea that Nikki Giovanni so perfectly puts show me someone not full of herself and I'll show you a hungry person.
[00:23:31] How can we embrace that idea of being full of yourself in a really positive and incredible way? Because that sounds amazing. I want to be full of myself. I think I'm pretty great. And I know that you are to love. So until next week I will talk to you that. Thank you so much for joining me this week. If you liked this week's episode, please share it with a friend comment and rate this podcast until next week.
[00:24:03] See you later. Love.