Aging Fearlessly | ep202
Aging can often feel like a complicated journey.
As women, we’re told that our value is tied to how youthful we look, how many milestones we hit by a certain age, and what others expect of us.
For a long time, I bought into these ideas too. I felt the pressure to keep quiet about my age and follow the timelines society had laid out for me. But over the years, I’ve learned something powerful—aging is not something to fear or hide. It’s something to celebrate.
Welcoming Baby and Embracing 41
This summer was a huge milestone in my life.
On July 4th, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, Roya, and shortly after, I turned 41. If you had asked me a few years ago, I would have hesitated to even share my age out loud.
I felt like I hadn’t achieved enough by that number. But this year, I found myself proudly embracing it.
I realized that I’m not defined by what society expects of me at 41. I’m defined by the incredible life I’ve built and the journey that’s gotten me here.
Shifting My Perspective on Aging
When I was younger, I felt so much pressure to hit all the so-called "right" milestones by a certain age—
getting married
starting a family
having a stable career
And for a long time, I measured my success against these timelines. But as I’ve grown older, I’ve come to understand that these arbitrary benchmarks don’t determine my worth.
I realized that I could create my own timeline, one that honors who I am and what I truly want.
One of the biggest shifts in my life came when I left my career as an opera singer in my mid-30s to follow my heart and become a coach.
It wasn’t easy stepping away from something I had invested so much time and energy into. But I knew deep down that I was being called to something different. That decision—though scary—was one of the most empowering moments of my life.
It was a reminder that it’s never too late to change course, pursue your passions, and live life differently.
Embracing the Realities of Aging
Let’s be real—aging isn’t always easy. While I love the wisdom and confidence that have come with getting older, there are still moments when I look in the mirror and notice the gray hairs creeping in.
Some days, it can feel overwhelming to see the physical changes that come with age. But I’ve come to realize something:
Age is relative.
Whether you’re 20, 40, or 60, someone is looking at your life and feeling inspired by what you’ve accomplished and the path you’re on.
So instead of hiding from aging, I’ve decided to embrace it fully. I share my age proudly because every year I live is a gift, and every experience has shaped me into who I am today.
A Mindset Tool to Help You Embrace Aging
One tool that has profoundly shifted my perspective on aging is this 5-Question Mindset Tool (inspired by Byron Katie’s work).
This tool has helped to shift my perspective on aging. You can use it to do the same (or for any limiting belief). It involves a process of self-reflection and questioning.
Here’s how it goes:
Since we’re focusing on age, I want you to state your age. Say out loud or write down “I am (age).” So for me, that’s “I am 41.”
Now add on ‘which means that’ — “I am 41 which means that…” Reflect on the beliefs that arise when you add “which means that” to your age. Then choose one of those beliefs to move forward with. For this example, I’ll be using “I am 41, which means that I’m old.”
Now, we’re going to go through the 5 questions:
Is it true?
Is it true that I’m old? Well, yes and no. Age is very relative. Some of you may think that 41 is old, some of you may think that I’m so young. So yes, I’m old, but a part of me believes that it’s not true at all.
Is this an absolute truth?
When I ask myself this, no. If I believe that age is relative, I can also believe that 41 isn’t old at all.
When I believe this to be true, who do I become?
How do I act? How do I hold myself? How do I move in the world? When I believe that I’m old, I don’t feel unique or special. It means I should dye my gray hairs, that I should dress a certain way, that I should learn the lingo that younger people use. When I believe this, I fall out of alignment with who I am and what I want.
If I was to release this belief, who would I become?
If I released this belief, I would simply take up space. I would do things that felt right to me, whether it was the way that I dressed or expressed myself, I would really be grounded in who I am and really feel that energy of 41 being a real distinction, being something so incredibly special, being something so incredibly powerful that being 41 is actually my power. It's not a weakness. It's not a deficit. It just makes me better.
Who benefits from me believing this?
Society. Society benefits from me believing that I am old, that I’m not unique, that I’m not special.
As I’m going through this with you, the belief is “I’m getting older.” I am 41 which means that I am getting older. And that is true. If I were to do the “which means that” exercise, it would go “I’m getting older which means that I don’t have as much time left to do all the things that I love.”
I’m getting emotional at this realization. It makes me realize just how special my life is and it makes me want to really be intentional with my life.
When mindset work is done with heart, truth, and intention, it’s so incredibly powerful.
So, I want to invite you to try this exercise for yourself. See what comes up and allow yourself to vulnerable.
Aging is inevitable, but how we experience it is a choice. Instead of dreading the years to come, I choose to approach them with curiosity, gratitude, and joy. After all, each year is a chapter in our story—and our stories only get richer with time.
I’m going to end this by sharing the 41 Lessons I Learned Before I Turned 41. Here’s to aging fearlessly and living life wholeheartedly—at any age.
41 Lessons I Learned Before Turning 41
You’ll never feel ready to do the scary thing that could possibly change your life. Do it it anyway or else you’ll never do it.
Always ask for help. Always accept help.
Go after your dreams but be flexible and open, dreams are allowed to change (and more often than not will).
Some of the biggest and best lessons that lead to the most amazing things in your life are a result of failure or heartbreak so don't be afraid of making a mistake.
The most important things in your life should never feel good enough. Don’t settle where it matters most.
Gratitude works. Annoying but true. When you’re feeling down, find one thing to be grateful for.
Don't be afraid of the harder feelings, they always contain wisdom or a lesson.
When it comes to your goals, other people’s worries for you are usually projections of their own fear.
You will always feel better after a walk, a dance break, or a hangout with a good friend. Always.
Remember to dream like you used to when you were young- wildly, boldly, and without limits.
The person you choose to love should magnify you and your life not diminish it.
The journey is never linear, be prepared for detours and roadblocks. And when you do face those harder moments, remember that you’re not going backward, it’s just part of the process.
If you want dessert, get dessert.
You do not need to work for your worth, you are worthy just as you are.
If something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t. Listen to yourself.
It’s never too late. Trust me, it isn’t.
Your timeline is yours and yours alone. It’s natural to compare your life and progress with other folks but remember you're on your own journey and just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it's never happening.
Speaking of time, you have more time and less time than you think. So, don't rush but also stop delaying (you know what I mean?).
A shower and a fresh outfit (bonus points if it’s cute) will surprisingly make you feel better 90% of the time.
Remember, you’re not a procrastinator, you’re either just really scared or really tired. Figure out which it is and take care of yourself accordingly.
The universe always has something better in store than you can imagine. So go after what you want but remember to let go, surrender, and be open to what comes.
Read more books (both fiction and nonfiction).
Make time for play, fun, and silliness every day.
Stop. Pause. Savor. There is always something you can savor in every moment.
When life becomes difficult remember that this is just a moment in time, it's not the entire book, it's just a chapter (oftentimes it's just a footnote).
Stop taking into account the opinions of people you don't like or respect or who don't like or respect you.
Fearlessness isn’t a thing. Fear is always going to be part of the journey toward your dreams so stop waiting for the fear to go away, it won’t.
You’re never going to be fully healed. Stop expecting that of your healing journey. Start focusing on what’s getting easier.
Book the trip.
You always know best when it comes to you and your life.
Your future is contingent on the small decisions you make today. Do the hard things today to create ease tomorrow.
You don’t need to have the biggest community but you do need a community. Seek out people who want to share in both your sadness and joy. Seek out people who add to your life not take from it.
If it no longer feels right, you don’t have to finish what you start
Living your dream life does not mean living a perfect life. Your dream life will contain challenges and difficulties, that doesn’t mean you’re not living your dream, it just means you’re engaging in life.
Take a nap.
No seriously, take a nap.
Whenever you’re being indecisive, you actually do know what you want, you’re just scared to choose what is best for you.
Ease and rest are not something you have to work for or earn. You are always deserving of both.
The longest relationship you will have is with yourself so nurture it, tend to it, and prioritize it. You’re not going anywhere for as long as you live
Celebrate something every day. The smaller the better.
Celebrate yourself every day. Trust me, you are worthy of celebration every damn day.
Want to dive deeper through more journal prompts?
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About your host, Shirin Eskandani
Hi, love! I’m Shirin.
Coach, speaker, writer, and life alchemist.
I teach you how to listen to your intuition again, tune out all the BS, and let your heart lead the way.
Because once you strengthen your inner GPS, decisions become easier, boundaries become clearer, and belly laughs become a daily thing.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:
I’m a certified life coach (accredited through the International Coach Federation)
My husband and I met on Instagram and we live in Brooklyn, NY with our plant babies
I have a masters degree in Music and was a professional opera singer for twelve years. I worked all over the world singing on stage at Carnegie Hall and the Metropolitan Opera (more on that later…).
I believe in the woo just as much as I do the work (internal and external). No amount of crystals and affirmations will make up for a lack of a healthy mindset and aligned action.
I love all the Real Housewives franchises. Don’t make me choose one… seriously, don’t.