Facing Your Biggest Fears | ep169
Everyday we are navigating and facing something we are afraid of. We can either listen to the fear and not do the things we want to do OR we can learn to finally face our fears and move towards our dreams.
In honor of Halloween, the spookiest time of the year, we’re talking all about fear. Now, I wish we were talking about the fears we had when we were little like the monsters under our bed or in our closet (honestly, I kind of miss those types of fears).
We are talking all about our adult fears. The fears we face day after day when it comes to going after our dreams. The fears that keep us from doing the things we want to do. The fears that talk us out of taking the next step and instill so much insecurity and doubt within us.
It makes you nostalgic for those childhood fears, right? Give me a monster under my bed over my fear of failure any day! But really, love, today we’re going to look at the fears we face on a regular basis, we’ll discuss some common myths and misconceptions, and then I’ll teach you my transformational Fear Protocol: 5 steps to help you overcome your fear in a healthy way.
Before we dive in, I have a BIG announcement…
The Wholehearted Coaching Certification Program is now open!
I have shared this dream with you all for a while now through big announcements and preview announcements, and now you can apply to become a heart-centered coach. If you’ve ever dreamed of coaching others towards a life they truly love and doing so with so much care, skill, and ethics, this is the opportunity for you, love. If you’d love to learn more, just head to wholeheartedcertification.com/programs.
Our next cohort begins January 2024 and there are only 15 spaces available.
We don’t always understand how fear shows up in our lives
Fear shows up in many different ways and often in ways that we think are just personal flaw or characteristics.
When we procrastinate, we never think it’s because we’re afraid. We think it’s because we’re lazy or that we’re a mess.
When we are indecisive, we think it’s because we can never get anything right or we can’t trust ourselves.
When we’re uber perfectionistic, we think “That’s just how I am.”
Love, these are all symptoms of our fear.
They’re not who we actually are. They’re not defects in our character. These have actually become our best ways of dealing with our fear.
Looking at things in this way, what do you think are some of your symptoms of fear? What are your go-to coping mechanisms?
Is it perfectionism? Self-doubt? Indecisiveness?
What kind of thoughts do you have? What feelings do you have? What does your body feel like?
Get curious, love, and figure out what your symptoms are. Then, when that fear starts to show up, you can start to recognize it for what it actually is.
We believe people doing big, courageous things are simply fearless
Sometimes, we think that after a certain amount of success, we’ll never feel fear again. That you can somehow success your way out of fear.
Love, no one is immune to fear.
No matter how many goals you achieve, how many successes you have, fear never goes away.
You just get better at facing it.
Pema Chödrön said:
Usually we think that brave people have no fear. The truth is that they are intimate with fear.
The people out there taking big risks have understood how to be with their fear and go after what they desire despite the fear.
They still get that uneasy feeling in their gut. They still think “I have no idea what I’m doing” to themselves. They questions themselves and their abilities, but they have come to understand that when fear shows up, it’s not a warning sign, but rather a sign that they are on the right path.
I’ve come to understand this in my own experience. When fear shows up in my life, it means I am about to level up and expand into something I’ve never experienced before.
Fear is always a sign that I am moving closer and closer to my dreams.
And one thing I’ve also learned to be true is that amount you really want something is equal to the amount of fear you will experience when going after it.
We should honor our fear because underneath is wisdom
Yes, love. Our fear has some wisdom to share with us. When we can unlock that wisdom, that’s when we can find the key to our motivation. We can then breakthrough the resistance.
Usually when fear shows up, we either listen to it and choose not to do the thing or we try to run away from the fearful chatter which only makes it louder.
So, how do we honor the fear? Let’s move into The Fear Protocol to learn how.
The Fear Protocol: 5 steps to overcome your fear in a healthy way
Before stepping into this practice, think of something that you’re a little afraid of doing. Something you’ve kept delaying, procrastinating on. Use that as you go through each of these steps.
Step 1: Ask yourself, “When I think of this fear, is it real or perceived?”
Real fear is the fear we have when we’re about to go down a scary alleyway or when we’re around someone who doesn’t make us feel comfortable and safe. This is the type of fear we need to honor and listen to because it’s letting us know we are in an unsafe or dangerous situation.
We often confuse perceived fear for real fear.
Perceived fear is the day-to-day fear we experience before we send that email, make that call, decide to do the thing we’ve been delaying doing.
So love, is the fear real? Is your life in danger? Are you putting yourself or someone else in harm’s way? If yes, then you need to stop. This is a warning sign.
However, if the fear is perceived, then we’re moving onto the second step.
Step 2: Ask yourself, “Is the leap I’m about to take, is the decision I’m about to make leading me closer to or further away from my dreams?”
If the answer is leading you further away from your dreams, then this isn’t the right decision for you.
If the answer is leading you closer to your dreams, then we’re moving onto the third step.
Step 3: Connect with your fear and ask “What is your biggest worry?”
Ground yourself and see if you can connect with the part of your that is scared. You can interpret this however feels best to you. Maybe you feel your fear in a certain part of your body. Maybe you can talk to your fear.
Allow your fear to name all of the things that it is scared of. Maybe it’s the fear of failure, of making a mistake, of the unknown. Allow your fear to say all it needs openly and honestly.
Once this is done, it’s time to go onto the next step.
Step 4: Thank your fear
Take a moment and thank your fear for being so open and honest with you. Speak to it with compassion, with love, and let it know all the reasons why it can trust you and why it is safe.
Maybe you can say to your fear, “I know you’re so scared, but I have got this. I will figure this out.”
“I know that you’re scared, but you can trust me.”
Sometimes I like to make little deals with my fear. For example, I’ll say, “We’re going to try this and if that happens, I promise we’ll stop, ok?”
Speak lovingly and compassionately with your fear.
Then, move onto our final step.
Step 5: Check in with yourself
Check in with your body. What does it feel like? What thoughts are you having? What is resonating with you? What is standing out? Do you feel safer now to take this leap?
If you do, then yes, love — do the damn thing! Take the leap.
If you don’t, keep going through these questions until you find that sense of safety.
You see, our fear is afraid, it’s worried and ultimately, it’s just trying to protect us. But, it does this in ways that don’t really serve us. But when we can really connect with our fear and be compassionate with it, that’s when we can unlock the wisdom that allows us to move forward.
We can’t avoid fear especially in creating these big, beautiful dream lives. We have to see it, acknowledge it, and honor it.
Tune into this week’s podcast episode — 169 | Facing Your Biggest Fears — to hear the full conversation.
If you’re ready to let go, love, and you believe that coaching is the next aligned step for you, I invite you to apply to become a heart-centered coach with me in The Wholehearted Coaching Certification Program.
Applications are now open and our next cohort begins January 2024.
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About your host, Shirin Eskandani
Hi, love! I’m Shirin.
Coach, speaker, writer, and life alchemist.
I teach you how to listen to your intuition again, tune out all the BS, and let your heart lead the way.
Because once you strengthen your inner GPS, decisions become easier, boundaries become clearer, and belly laughs become a daily thing.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:
I’m a certified life coach (accredited through the International Coach Federation)
My husband and I met on Instagram and we live in Brooklyn, NY with our plant babies
I have a masters degree in Music and was a professional opera singer for twelve years. I worked all over the world singing on stage at Carnegie Hall and the Metropolitan Opera (more on that later…).
I believe in the woo just as much as I do the work (internal and external). No amount of crystals and affirmations will make up for a lack of a healthy mindset and aligned action.
I love all the Real Housewives franchises. Don’t make me choose one… seriously, don’t.