Acceptance vs Resignation | ep76
About this episode:
For the longest time, I struggled with the concept of acceptance. It just sounded like giving up. At the time, I thought acceptance meant that you were just supposed to accept all the crap that was going on in your life and be okay with it.
I thought acceptance meant that you weren’t supposed to strive for more or to change things. You were supposed to just shrug your shoulders and deal with it. The truth was that I was mistaking acceptance with resignation.
Acceptance doesn’t mean that you have to like what is happening. It doesn’t mean that you can’t change what is here now. But it means that, in this moment, in the here and now, you are able to accept what is here and no longer push against it and more importantly release the judgement and shame that you may have around it.
You see when we can accept, we can finally allow ourselves to feel all the feelings- to process all our emotions.
Acceptance allows us to tend to what is hurting, to take care of ourselves and to eventually (when we are ready) take the next step that is best for us.
Resignation on the other hand is the belief that things will never change. When we are resigned we feel hopeless, incapable and powerless. Underlying all we do is the thought, “What’s the point? Nothing is going to change.” And so we put up with situations, circumstances and relationships that are unhealthy for us. In short, we give up.
When we are resigned things don’t change, because we don’t believe they can.
But when we accept, we can see things for what they are, but that doesn’t mean they can’t change. It just means that right now this is what life is handing me and that has nothing to do with who I am or how I am living my life.
When we accept then that is when things can change and shift. We can have hope and faith. But that all is a result of accepting what is here now and accepting all the feelings that come along with it.
Want to dive in deeper? In this episode, I share more of what I have learned about acceptance and how we can use it as a catalyst for change. And make sure to check out a snippet of this week's journal prompts below!
There are going to be some big announcements coming this fall, and I'm ready to make my first one.
I created Wholehearted Woman 3 years ago as a catalyst for women with big dreams and big visions. Throughout these 3 years, I have seen 100s of women complete the program and go on to create dream lives for themselves- new careers, new relationships, new communities, and importantly new outlooks.
Wholehearted Woman shows you how to completely transform your mindset so you get out of the cycle of being stuck, confused and overwhelmed. It gives you the tools to create clarity, momentum, and joy in your life.
And this year, I am only opening enrollment to 10 women. That's it.
Those 10 women will be selected through an application process and will then be invited to join. I no longer offer 1:1 coaching so this is the only way you can get my undivided attention, knowledge and support.
If you're interested, email me with "I'm interested". And I'll send you all the info!
A quote to take with you:
“Acceptance is the ability to be present with what is there and releasing the shame, the blame, and the judgment.”
This week, I invite you to…
Instead of wishing your If Onlys away, accept that they are here:
Grab a pen and paper and set a timer for 3 minutes. Start to write down all the If Onlys in your life from the micro to the macro.
Reflect on this list and see what stands out to you.
What was it like writing all these If Onlys out. How did it feel emotionally and physically? What thoughts came up?
Want to dive deeper through journal prompts?
If you want to be in the know and get each Mindset Monday straight to your inbox complete with journal prompts to take you even further, get on my email list.
About your host, Shirin Eskandani
Hi, love! I’m Shirin.
Coach, speaker, writer, and life alchemist.
I teach you how to trust your intuition again, tune out all the BS, and let your heart lead the way.
Because once you strengthen your inner GPS, decisions become easier, boundaries become clearer, and belly laughs become a daily thing.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:
I’m a certified life coach (accredited through the International Coach Federation)
My husband and I met on Instagram and we live in Brooklyn, NY with our plant babies
I have a masters degree in Music and was a professional opera singer for twelve years. I worked all over the world singing on stage at Carnegie Hall and the Metropolitan Opera (more on that later…).
I believe in the woo just as much as I do the work (internal and external). No amount of crystals and affirmations will make up for a lack of a healthy mindset and aligned action.
I love all the Real Housewives franchises. Don’t make me choose one… seriously, don’t.
+ Read the episode transcript here
Welcome to wholehearted coaching the podcast. If you're looking for more purpose, more passion, more joy in your life and you have come to the right place. Let's create your dream life while living your dream life. Okay, love. Hi love. Welcome to wholehearted coaching the podcast. This is where we take a deeper dive into my mindset Monday post, which you can read on Instagram at holarctic coaching or you can get the full post plus my weekly journal prompts. When you sign up for my email list. You can do that in the show notes. Or you can head to my website wholehearted dash coaching calm. So in today's episode, we're going to look at acceptance, what acceptance is what it looks like in our lives and really see what a powerful tool it can be. Now listen, I know you're like chagrin, acceptance, like how is that going to transform my life, but I promise you, it really, truly can. I think there are a lot of misconceptions about what acceptance is. I know that for me, when I started to get into the idea of mindfulness and mindset, this concept of acceptance, of course, kept popping up, right. It's a big foundation of both mindset and mindfulness. And I really struggled with it, because to me, except it sounded like giving up, it sounded like you know, you having to accept that life isn't the way that you want it to be, and that you just had to put up with it. But that's not what acceptance is, what I was confusing acceptance with was resignation. And so in today's episode, we're gonna look at what resignation looks like, and what acceptance truly is. Because once we can really tap into our acceptance, our acceptance of how life is, it's one of the most powerful and transformative tools that we truly can have. So today, there is no real Mindset Monday, today, we're really going to be looking at the difference between acceptance and resignation. So we're talking about this because it was completely inspired by a conversation in one of my group coaching programs. That month, the theme that we had been looking at was letting go. And the mantra was, this is how it is for right now. Which is really an affirmation a mantra of acceptance that this is how it is right now. The right now reminding you that in this moment, this is how things are whether that is positive, negative, neutral, whatever it is, that idea that this is just how it is for right now. And so we had a group call about our mantra or theme for the month. And I knew that it would be a really rich conversation, because this isn't one of your you know, live, laugh, love kind of affirmations, right? Like, this is how it is for just right now, that is not what you put on a pillow or a mug, right. But it is a really powerful mantra that reminds you that this can change that this is just for now. And so in our group conversation, of course, we talked about how people were using it in really wonderful ways to kind of let them let go release their judgment around what was happening. But for other people, right, they were discussing how it was really difficult for them to embody it because they didn't want things to be as they were right now, which I know is a sentiment that a lot of us can understand. There are a lot of things happening right now that are really difficult to wrap our heads around our hearts around a lot of things that we don't want to accept or embrace about right now in the world, in our lives in our communities. And so one of the women in the group was talking about her job. And she was saying, Well, I don't really like my job. And I've just completely accepted that I hate this job. And I accept that I'm gonna just be here forever. That's it. So Sharon, I know you're talking about acceptance, but like I've mastered the art of acceptance. I've accepted it. And in that moment, I knew I had to talk about this right about this post. Because what she was talking about was an acceptance. It was resignation. And one of the telltale signs of resignations. One of the symptoms of resignation is a feeling of hopelessness, of defeated pneus the belief that things are never going to change. You know that you are in a place of resignation. When you kind of get that, you know, slumped in feeling, when you get into that mindset, that spiral of nothing different is possible that it's always going to be this way that nothing is going to change. And you just kind of really become resigned to the circumstance you give up, there is a lack of motivation like energetically, we have all experienced this, that place of total resignation, giving up. And so, in the conversation with these women, I send my love, this is not acceptance, this is resignation, because you do not believe that things can change, you do not believe that there can be different that there can be more you may wish it could be different, you may be pushing against what is here now, but deep down, you do not believe it is possible for things to change. So then what is acceptance? To me acceptance is the ability to be present with your current situation or circumstance, it doesn't mean that you have to like what is happening, it doesn't mean that you may not want to change what's happening. But it means that you no longer stand in resistance to what is here now. Right, pushing against it, wishing it wasn't there, right. We spend hours, weeks, sometimes even years, wishing certain things we're not there, when we are in a place of acceptance, we can see it for what it is we can acknowledge that it is there. And we allow ourselves to feel our full range of emotions about being there, right, you can be sad and accepting you can be happy and accepting you can be frustrated and accepting you can be all of those things. However, you are able to release the shame or judgment that arises. You are not defined by the circumstance. And when you are ready, when you have processed the feelings, you know, that different is possible that more is possible that change is possible. acceptance is the ability to be present with what is there and releasing the shame, the blame and the judgment. So we're not in a place of giving up. We're in a place of being here now. But when we are in resignation, when we are in resignation, that is the belief that your current circumstance or situation is never going to change. And when we're in that state of resignation, when we are resigned, we spend most of our time wishing things were different pushing against what is here now, and eventually giving up. Because we believe that there's nothing we can do, there is no way for this situation to change. And the feelings I find that are associated with the two, when we are resigned, we feel powerless, defeated and capable, right? We feel like giving up we feel hopeless. But we're in a place of acceptance, we are grounded and present. And we are accepting all the emotions that arise. And when shame and blame and judgment appear, we process those and we release them. You see love, we lose hope and faith and possibility. When we are resigned to things resigned to things not changing. But when we accept that things may not be the way that we want them to be when we accept it. And we allow ourselves to process and feel all of the feelings around that. When we allow ourselves to process those emotions, of disappointment, of anger, or frustration and overwhelm when we allow ourselves to process those feelings, that allows us to then take care of ourselves to tend to ourselves so that we can take the next step. Now, this is why acceptance is so important, because acceptance eventually leads to you taking the next step, having that motivation of moving forward. However, when you are resigned, there was a lack of motivation there because the underlying belief is things are never going to change. So why even try to change them. And on that call with this amazing client of mine. What we tapped into was that she had become resigned. She was in a place of resignation when it came to her her and her career. And so she had spent years and years at this job that she disliked that undervalued her because she was resigned that things would never change. And so this This is why tapping into acceptance is so powerful is because it allows us to eventually step into our motivation. Right? But when we are in that place of feeling powerless and incapable, we are not motivated to figure things out because we do not believe that things can be different. Now, listen, acceptance is easy when things are going amazingly in your life, okay, I can accept that I have a lot of money in my bank account, I can accept that I'm loved and seen and valued. However, it is a real practice, to tap into acceptance, when things are going poorly, not the way you want them to when things are difficult. But this is when we need acceptance the most. The truth is that at all moments in your life love, there is going to be something that you won't want to accept, that is going to be a less than optimal situation, right? Whether it is the acne on your face, whether it is your shoes that are too tight, whether it is the amount of dollars in your bank account, at every point in your life, love, there will be something that you want to push against, just wish that it wasn't there. And the power of acceptance is really in the first step of naming the thing. accepting that it is there of acknowledging that it is there. A mantra that I teach to my clients is when they are in that place of oh my gosh, I wish this thing wasn't here, right? I call this embracing your sock finding the sock in your life, right? The thing that is less than optimal, is to name it is to write it down is to proclaim it out loud. And to say to it, I see you. You're allowed to be here. That's okay. I've got this. I want you to try this right now. I know it's gonna sound counterintuitive, because you're probably like Sharon, I actually don't want to say out loud, the thing I don't want to accept, I really don't want to I don't. But just for me, just for this moment, try it. It can be something small, right? Like your shoes, your hair, whatever. It doesn't have to be a big thing. But I want you to identify that thing that you may be running away from. Find your suck. Write it down, say it out loud, whisper it to yourself. And now I want you to say to this suck. Ice see you. You're allowed to be here. It's okay. I have got this. And perhaps you can't see the second part of this month. Perhaps See, that's okay, I've got this is difficult for you. That's okay. Say just I see you you're allowed to be here. I see you. You're allowed to be here. And if that's difficult, you say I see you. You are here. There's a great mantra that Tara Brock says, which is this can be here, too. This can be here too. Or perhaps you want to try the mantra that I started our podcast off with, which is this is here. Just for right now. Try those mantras out, see what resonates with you see what shifts? Is there a softening? Is there a lightness? Is there just a little crack of light that comes through. It's so powerful to name to see to embrace what we just don't want to accept, right? There's nothing we can do about in this present moment. But instead of pushing against, instead of just trying to stuff it down. It's about really seeing it and accepting it and naming it. I use the analogy often of of this being like a toddler, right? Like kids, toddlers often come up to you and they want something that you know, as an adult, you're like, well, you shouldn't have dessert before dinner. Right? And if we don't listen to them, if we ignore them, they're just gonna get louder, or they're gonna have a tantrum. So what do we do? We can get down to their level, we can acknowledge them, we can see them, we can look them straight in the eye. We don't have to give in to them. Right, but we have to see them. And we have to say yeah, I see that this is what you want. But that can't happen right now. And so maybe we can have dessert after dinner. Again, I don't have children. But I see this with my nephew. I see this with with kids, but I just I see this in all of us, just wanting to be acknowledged and this is the same with when it comes to We are trying to push away from push against just acknowledging, accepting it is there. What shifts, what changes for you love. acceptance is so incredibly powerful. I know it seems really passive. But I hope as we're talking about it in this episode, you're seeing or maybe understanding acceptance from a different perspective. And seeing how perspective isn't just you giving up. It's you really being able to name What is here, feeling all the feelings about this thing being here. So you contend to yourself so you can take care of yourself. And then when you are ready to take the next step. acceptance is like looking at the sky and seeing the clouds pass by. It's like seeing the weather patterns pass by. Alright, we don't look at a cloud and say, oh, gosh, that's a terrible cloud. What an ugly cloud. Now we see Oh, look, there's a cloud passing by. Oh, look, it looks like it's about to rain. Oh, okay. Now, now it's sunny. That's what our lives are. Our lives are just a constant cycle stream of weather patterns and clouds. And if we can just see them and allow ourselves to be present as they pass. That's how we get through it. So love this week. Name your sock. Try it out. Try out one of the mantras, see what shifts and changes for you. I promise you this may seem so incredibly small, but it will create incredible transformations and ripples in your life. Until next week, love I will talk to you then. Thank you so much for joining me this week. If you liked this week's episode, please share it with a friend. comment and rate this podcast until next week. See you later. Love