There is no such thing as Self Betterment [Self Growth Myths] | ep77
About this episode:
Many of us who embark on our healing journey believe that there is going to be a better version of ourselves on the other side. But what if the journey of growth is less about arriving at some destination and more about going inward.
Listen to this episode to find out Shirin’s take on self-growth and how it’s more about coming home to your truth as opposed to becoming a perfect version of yourself.
There are going to be some big announcements coming this fall, and I'm ready to make my first one.
I created Wholehearted Woman 3 years ago as a catalyst for women with big dreams and big visions. Throughout these 3 years, I have seen 100s of women complete the program and go on to create dream lives for themselves- new careers, new relationships, new communities, and importantly new outlooks.
Wholehearted Woman shows you how to completely transform your mindset so you get out of the cycle of being stuck, confused and overwhelmed. It gives you the tools to create clarity, momentum, and joy in your life.
And this year, I am only opening enrollment to 10 women. That's it.
Those 10 women will be selected through an application process and will then be invited to join. I no longer offer 1:1 coaching so this is the only way you can get my undivided attention, knowledge and support.
If you're interested, email me with "I'm interested". And I'll send you all the info!
A quote to take with you:
“It's not about pouring gold on top of the concrete on top of the plaster. It's about slowly removing and chipping away all of that stuff that protected you that we need to honor and thank for protecting us. It’s time we come back to our gold.”
Want to dive deeper through journal prompts?
If you want to be in the know and get each Mindset Monday straight to your inbox complete with journal prompts to take you even further, get on my email list.
About your host, Shirin Eskandani
Hi, love! I’m Shirin.
Coach, speaker, writer, and life alchemist.
I teach you how to trust your intuition again, tune out all the BS, and let your heart lead the way.
Because once you strengthen your inner GPS, decisions become easier, boundaries become clearer, and belly laughs become a daily thing.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:
I’m a certified life coach (accredited through the International Coach Federation)
My husband and I met on Instagram and we live in Brooklyn, NY with our plant babies
I have a masters degree in Music and was a professional opera singer for twelve years. I worked all over the world singing on stage at Carnegie Hall and the Metropolitan Opera (more on that later…).
I believe in the woo just as much as I do the work (internal and external). No amount of crystals and affirmations will make up for a lack of a healthy mindset and aligned action.
I love all the Real Housewives franchises. Don’t make me choose one… seriously, don’t.
+ Read the episode transcript here
Hi love. Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. This is where we take a deeper dive into my mindset. Monday post which you can read on Instagram @wholeheartedcoaching, or you can get the full post plus my weekly journal prompts when you sign up for my email list. You can do that in the show notes, or you can head to my website, whole hearted-coaching.com.
So for the entire month of September, we are going to be looking at a particular topic. We're going to be looking at the misconceptions around healing and growth, our self-growth journey. And I know that if you are here listening to this podcast, that is a journey that you're interested in, a journey that you are on maybe for a little bit, maybe for a while.
And as a coach. I see just so many myths, so many untruths about what this healing and self-growth journey is supposed to be about. And today we're going to be talking about one of the biggest misconceptions, which is what is the final destination of our healing journey. We're taking time this month to really dig into our self growth journey and what that looks like for us, because I think one, as we shift from the summer to the fall, right?
Cooler weather, kind of staying more indoors, I think we just naturally start to become more introspective. And second, I know I've been saying that I have some big announcements in September and this theme this month is an alignment with those announcements. As a coach. I see a lot of really harmful stuff.
A lot of BS, may I say, in the wellness and healing world, and what I want to do this month with you is to engage in a conversation about what healing looks like for you. Because for each of us, our healing journey, Is going to look so incredibly different. And I think that if we hold on to what, you know, Instagram is telling us that our healing journey is supposed to look like we may have a lot of feelings and judgment and shame around how we are healing.
And so in this month, it's really about dispelling those myths and really about you uncovering what the truth of your healing journey is all about. So today we are talking about that about the truth of your healing journey, because what I have discovered on my self-growth and healing journey and what I have discovered, helping others embark on their self growth and healing journey is that self-growth and healing is less about getting to some final destination.
And more about coming home to who you are. So this is all in alignment with my first big announcement for the fall, which I am making on this podcast. First y'all are hearing it first, September 19th to the 21st. I am offering a three-day masterclass with me, a free masterclass called coming home. Coming home.
It shows you how to become your own healer and leader and that phrase watch for it because that has become my new tagline, because I truly believe that we all have the inner wisdom and knowledge and fortitude to become our own healers and it can become. Easy in the world of wellness. And self-growth to think that the answers are outside of you to think that you need fixing.
And in coming home in this three-day experience with me, what you're going to find is that that wisdom that you're looking for is inside you, that wholeness that you're seeking is all ready there. In coming home, you will have it three days with me. We'll, we'll go through three different experiences where you can really embrace a new version of you.
Let go of old narratives and beliefs. And on the third day we're going to be doing a somatic practice that has been revolutionary transformative in my life. And I have been doing it with my clients and. It's powerful. Y'all but this is something that I have not offered to the public ever before. So if you are ready to finally come home, come home to who you are.
Then had two wholehearted-coaching.com/coming home. We start on September 19th. Everything is going to be recorded. If you cannot make it live. If you're looking for something that is all about. Inner wisdom, your inner truth, your inner sovereignty love this is it. You are truly your own healer and leader.
All right. So let's get into this week's mindset Monday, because it is all supporting what we are talking about. It's about coming home to the truth of who you are. You are. So today's mindset Monday reads. The point of healing and growth isn't to become a better version of yourself. The point of healing and growth is to come back to a truer version of yourself.
You do not need to become someone new. You need to remember who you are. Love. So when I embarked on this self-growth and healing journey, about six years ago, I thought that the end result was going to be like a better shinier version of who I was. Right. Like Sherine 2.0. And at the beginning, it really did feel like that.
Right? Like I was learning all these amazing tools. I was gaining all these great lessons and concepts and I was like, yes, I am on my way to that 2.0. Version of myself. Meaning, I think in the back of my mind that when I got to that 2.0 version, you know, I would never feel any quote, unquote, negative emotions I would always say and do the right things.
Right. I wouldn't procrastinate. I wouldn't, you know, self-sabotage, there'd be no more imposter syndrome that I would be like this walking, talking goddess. Right. Grounded assured courageous all of the time. Right. And the deeper I got into my healing journey. I was like, hold on a second. Um, this is not what's happening.
Right. I, I was gaining some amazing tools and I was becoming incredibly self-aware and I could apply those tools in that awareness. You know, one, I started to realize that like, there is no end to the self growth journey, right. And one of our podcast episodes this month is going to be about that. But also that a lot of the same feelings and habits and emotions and fears seem to still be with me, like.
Going anywhere. I wasn't able to erase them, delete them, get rid of them. But through those tools, you know, those emotions and feelings and thoughts became less strong most of the time. Right. And when they were very strong, I knew how to kind of navigate them in a really healthy way. But I realized that they weren't really going anywhere.
And that's when I started to really, really think of. Okay, well, what is the self-growth journey about? Is it really about becoming a better version of me? And let's break that down too, because when we talk about being a better version of you, that kind of implies that that old version of you was kind of janky was kind of trash, right?
Think of like a before and after picture, which I hate in the world of like dieting and fitness. It always implies that this other body of mine is not as good as not as worthy is not as valuable or lovable or whole as this body of mine. And so if we're thinking of that in the context of our self growth journey, whenever we say self betterment, self-improvement, we're implying that, that version of ourselves wasn't really good to begin with.
And that is not what self-growth is about. And self-healing, if anything. The power of self-growth and healing is to show you that you are perfect just as you are, that you have always been whole, that you do not need fixing. What I discovered on the self healing journey was that that version of me who.
Barked on this journey was perfect justice. She was. And what I discovered along the journey was all of the tools that I needed to embrace all of the parts of me, the parts of me that I thought needed, fixing the parts of me that I thought weren't good. The parts of me that I thought I needed to get rid of, what I have found on my journey is how to love and accept and embrace them because they are a part of me.
So when we talk about betterment, it almost seems like we have to deny to create some sort of hierarchy on who we are and who we are becoming. But instead this is all equal. It is all about embracing every single version of yourself because they were doing the best that they could with everything that they have been given.
So that's one of the first things that really kind of disturbs me with the idea of betterment now. And listen, I was using the word betterment and improvement for a really, really long time before I had these aha moments for myself. Right. If this is resonating for you love, then go with it, take this seed and plant it because honestly the real beauty and gift of self-growth self-healing is that it shows you how to truly embrace every version of who you are to embrace every single part of who you are.
And the second thing that with the idea of self betterment that no longer resonates with me is that I do not believe our self-growth journey is a journey in order to become better. I truly believe that our self-growth journey is a journey within. To become in touch with the most true version of who we are, the version of ourselves who knows that they are loved and accepted and whole, the version of ourselves who trust themselves, who loves themselves, who fully embraces themselves.
And perhaps this version of you. Is a younger version of you, right? Perhaps it's that really childlike nature in you. And maybe this version of you is one that you have never had any experience. I did an episode a while back about how I don't think fake it until you make it is a real thing. You know, when we think of the idea of fake it until you make it, you think of this person, that person who is courageous, who knows their worth, who goes out there and asks for what they want and does what they need.
And I believe that that version of you is not the fake version of you. That is the truest version of who you are. It's the version of you. It's the version of you who hasn't faced the difficulties of the world, the trauma, the societal judgements, the sheds, the supposed tos. It's that most true version of you?
The one who hasn't had to yet develop coping mechanisms to survive, survive in your community, in your household, in this world. Right? Coping mechanisms like. People pleasing and perfectionism and imposter syndrome and self-sabotage yes, these are all coping mechanisms that we create in order to make sense of a really senseless world.
And so when I say a truer version of you love, I am talking about that part of you, that part of you who I know exists there, maybe it's in the stillest moments, the most quiet moments, maybe it's just for a millisecond, but that version of you that is love. That is peace. That is joy that knows that you are incredible in the Vedas and the Vedic scripture.
One of the most powerful and foundational concepts is that of Atman, which is our truest nature. Atma. Is ourself with the big ass and in the Vedic scriptures, it says that Atman is our true nature, which is boundless fullness, peace and bliss, and that all of this work that we do, that we embark on that all of this Vedic scripture that has been written is to remind you that you are boundless, that you are.
The Vedic scriptures, remind us that it's not about becoming anything new. It's about remembering who, who you are, who you all already are. I want to share a story with you. An analogy that I use often when I'm trying to come home to myself. So back at the turn of a century in Southeast Asia, they were trying to move this incredibly large Buddha statue.
And it was a huge statue, but it wasn't anything special, right. It was made of concrete plaster, but they were trying to move it from one location to another. And as they were moving the sculpture, they dropped it. And when they dropped it, they noticed there was this huge crack and they went to go investigate the crack, right.
To fix the crack. And they noticed that there was light shining through this crack. And so they realized that there was concrete and plaster covering something up, covering something within it. And so they started to chip away at this plaster and concrete, and they slowly started to uncover gold. As they chipped away, they saw that this entire sculpture was made up entirely of gold.
They found the largest Buddha sculpture ever made entirely of gold. And the story goes that this beautiful sculpture had been in a village where the two sides of the village were fighting and they wanted to save the sculpture, right. That they knew that it would be stolen or taken. And so they covered it up in concrete and plaster.
They covered the gold up, the beauty up the essence up in this concrete and plastic. And that is who we are. My love. We are the gold. You are the gold within you is the gold and the concrete and the plaster is all of those coping mechanisms, mechanisms that you needed to survive. Right? We have to remember this sculpture.
Would not have survived, perhaps it would have been melted down, perhaps it would have been stolen, right? That this village knew that in order to protect it, it needed this covering, it needed this protection. And that is you. That is us. As we go through life, we need to protect ourselves. And so we put on the stucco and the plaster and the concrete in order to protect ourselves in the difficult times.
But love it is now time to come back to the gold within, it's not about, you know, pouring gold on top of the concrete on top of the plaster. No, no, no. It's about slowly removing and chipping away. All of that stuff that protected you that we need to honor. And thank. For protecting us. But now it's time, we come back to our gold and in coming home, our three-day experience together, this idea of the gold is what we're going to look at in our first day.
And we're going to do a meditation, which for me is a weekly practice that reminds me of my gold and, or reminds you of your gold. My love. So, if you are interested in coming home to who you are, go to whole hearted-coaching.com/coming home. And this entire month, we're going to be talking about the misconceptions around growth and healing, because your healing journey, my love is your own, and it's going to be just as unique and special as you are.
And so in this month, what I truly hope we uncover together is what your healing journey looks like for you until next week, I will talk to you then.