Taking Big Risks | ep83
Today’s Mindset Monday reads:
Taking risks isn’t about whether this will work out or not. It’s about whether you can figure this out or not. Once you realize you always can, it’s easier to take risks because it’s not about the opportunity. It’s about you, love. You are the one you’re taking the risk on.
Let’s talk about indecision because we have alllllll been there. At some point or another, everyone struggles with indecision. Especially when we are asked to make a big decision that may seem risky.
Quitting a job.
Investing in an opportunity.
Starting or ending a relationship.
We’ve all experienced the endless vortex of “Should I?” or “Shouldn’t I?” The tiring, incessant back and forth where we talk ourselves in and out of making a decision. A lot of people believe their indecision is because “I’m so bad at making decisions,” but that’s a lie.
More often than not, what’s holding us back from making a decision is our belief that there is a right or wrong choice.
It’s this belief that makes us frozen in a state of indecision. It's this belief that makes us spend hours of our time ruminating over the endless possibilities. In short, we become stuck because we fear making a mistake.
We become stuck because all we can think of is the outcome.
But in these moments, we actually need to shift the perspective from the outcome towards ourselves instead. What I have come to learn is that risks aren’t about the actual risk at all, they are about ourselves.
A risk is us understanding that regardless of what happens, we can figure it out. So it’s not so much “Will this work out or not?” but “Can I figure this out or not?” And once you realize you can, then you start taking more and more risks.
I listened to a talk last year where Rachel Cargle was asked how she makes such big, bold decisions in her life. And she answered:
“Risks aren’t as risky when I know the only thing I’m taking a risk on is myself.
If I take a big leap and find my footing, I know I’ll run with it.
And if I take a leap and I’m on shaky ground, I know I can always figure it out.”
So love, that decision in your life, the one you’re delaying making, what would happen if you thought less about the outcome and more about who you are?
If you thought more about every single time in your life where you've figured it out?
If you thought of every single moment where you surprised your own damn self with your ingenuity, brilliance and resilience?
What would change then?
A quote to take with you:
“Self trust is built when you put yourself in scary situations and you prove to yourself that you can always figure it out.”
Want to dive deeper through journal prompts?
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About your host, Shirin Eskandani
Hi, love! I’m Shirin.
Coach, speaker, writer, and life alchemist.
I teach you how to trust your intuition again, tune out all the BS, and let your heart lead the way.
Because once you strengthen your inner GPS, decisions become easier, boundaries become clearer, and belly laughs become a daily thing.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:
I’m a certified life coach (accredited through the International Coach Federation)
My husband and I met on Instagram and we live in Brooklyn, NY with our plant babies
I have a masters degree in Music and was a professional opera singer for twelve years. I worked all over the world singing on stage at Carnegie Hall and the Metropolitan Opera (more on that later…).
I believe in the woo just as much as I do the work (internal and external). No amount of crystals and affirmations will make up for a lack of a healthy mindset and aligned action.
I love all the Real Housewives franchises. Don’t make me choose one… seriously, don’t.
+ Read the episode transcript here
[00:00:00] Welcome to wholehearted coaching the podcast. If you're looking for more purpose, more passion, more joy in your life. When you have come to the right place, let's create your dream life while living your dream life. Okay. Love.
[00:00:22] Hi love. Welcome to wholehearted coaching the podcast. This is where we take a deeper dive into my mindset Monday post, which you can read on Instagram at @wholeheartedcoaching, or you can get the full post. Plus my weekly journal prompts. When you sign up for my email list, you can do that in the show notes, or you can head to my website, wholehearted-coaching.com.
[00:00:45] So today's episode is for anyone who has ever been indecisive. Maybe you are in a moment in your life where you can't seem to make a decision. Maybe you have struggled with indecision before. And when I'm talking about indecisive nearness and indecision, it's especially around a big decision. A decision that could possibly change your life, a decision that, you know, you need to make a decision that is really important to you.
[00:01:13] You know, when we fall in that place of, should I shouldn't I, that place where, you know, you wake up one day and you're like, yes, I'm going to do it. And then by the afternoon, you're like, no, no, this is a terrible idea. I'm not going to. Listen, I have been there and I have helped so many people navigate through the space of indecision.
[00:01:36] Now we have talked about indecision before on this podcast, but today I want to talk about it in a different lens, in a different context. I want to bring the focus back to you because so often when we are struggling to make a decision, we're just focused on the decision. On the outcome, we're focused on the, will this workout, or will this not work out?
[00:02:03] And that is really what puts us and places us in this space of indecision in this maze of indecision amaze, that seems like a, does not have. When we are stuck in a place of indecision, what's really going on, is, is this right? Or is this wrong, right? If I say yes to this, is it right? Or is it wrong? And if I say no to this, is it right?
[00:02:28] Or is it wrong? So what we're really struggling with is trying to make the right decision for ourselves. We want to make a decision and not be wrong. And so that's what gets us caught in this place of indecision. It's not the fact of what's best for me, but really what is the right answer? Right? And perhaps we get that mixed up with what's best for me, right.
[00:02:57] That the right answer is what is best for me. So today love, I want us to really examine this and re frame what making a decision is about. So today's mindset Monday reads taking risks. Isn't about whether this will work out or not. It's about whether I can figure this out or not. Once you realize you always can, it's easier to take risks because it's not about the opportunity.
[00:03:30] It's about you. Love you are the one you're taking the risk. So today's mindset. Monday post is very much influenced by a conversation. I heard last year in the depths of the pandemic between Glennon Doyle and Rachel CarGel. It was an incredible conversation. I forget who organized it, but when I saw those two people on the billboard, whatever it was on the Instagram post, I was like, I have to be there because I so respect these two women.
[00:04:05] And someone asked, you know, Rachel, you take all of these big risks, you do all of these incredible things. Like how do you do it? How do you know what's right for you? And what she said totally blew me away and I'm going to paraphrase it. But she said something along the lines of when you're taking a big risk, you're taking a leap and that she has come to realize that if she takes a big.
[00:04:32] And she finds her footing. Then she knows that she can just run and go with it. And if she takes a big leap and she doesn't find her footing, she's come to realize that she knows how to figure it out. And she ended it with risks. Aren't as risky. When I know the one thing I'm taking a risk on is myself that blew me away because it is the truth.
[00:05:00] What we are really taking a risk on when we make a big decision in our lives is truly ourselves. It's not the opportunity. It's not the outcome. It's not the thing or the circumstance, or we're really taking a risk on is can I figure this out or not? And love you can, you are so capable of figuring it out.
[00:05:24] You know, I'm someone who takes now a lot of risks in my life. And I've really come to realize that these risks, these decisions, that I've making that from the outside look like these really huge big decisions. And let me tell you, I, I know that they're big decisions. I realize that, but the more that I make them and take them, the more that I realize, I know how to figure shit out on the other side.
[00:05:52] Because the more I put myself in these situations, I can show myself, I can prove to myself. I now have a track record that I can show to myself every time before I take a risk of look, you figured this out before now, sometimes the risks I take workout, amazingly, they go out the exact way that I want them to.
[00:06:14] And it's smooth sailing. And I'm like, yes, you made the best decision of your life. This was the best Shirin. And sometimes. Oftentimes they don't. And that's when I got to get creative. That's when I have to use my toolkit of compassion and kindness and grace. That's when I use all of these amazing tools that I'm cultivating, that I have cultivated that I talk about in this podcast that show me that I can pick myself up again, that I can find my footing again, that I am capable of figuring it out.
[00:06:49] So. I want you to think of something where you are kind of indecisive about right now, whether it's small or large, it can be simply, what am I going to have for lunch, or what am I going to do in the new year? And I want you to really think about this decision you're trying to make. And instead of focusing on the outcome of the will this, or will this not work out, I want you to take.
[00:07:17] And think of all of the past times you have taken a chance or a risk. And I want you to think, especially about those times where things did not work out the way that you thought they were going to work out. And I want you to think of the person who was capable, who showed up on the other side to find their footing.
[00:07:41] The person who got creative, the person who reached out the person who showed you that you can, and we'll figure it out every time. This is truly what we're taking a risk on. It's not about the outcome. Love it's about you. Do you trust yourself to figure it out? And if you don't, then what I encourage you to do today is to slowly.
[00:08:11] Start to challenge yourself to make decisions, small decisions in the beginning. Maybe that decision is, you know, taking a route home from work that you normally, don't trying out a new recipe that you never have. This is about proving to yourself that you have got this. There's a quote and it's about confidence, but we can apply it to this.
[00:08:34] But it's a quote that I heard. Oh, it was some white guy who said it, but it's a great quote. His name's Adam, my lat. And I don't even know if he made it up. Maybe he took it from someone else. He's a white guy. So it's highly likely, he said that, you know, self-confidence is created when we make small promises to ourselves and we follow through on them.
[00:08:54] And so perhaps here, when we're talking about making these big decisions, Self-trust is built when you put yourself in scary situations and you prove to yourself that you can always figure it out, those small, scary situations at first and those medium-sized ones. And then maybe those large ones love. If you right now are wanting to take a big leap.
[00:09:22] I want you to shift the focus away from how it's going to turn out and bring the focus back to yourself. Um, can I figure this out, regardless of what happens is this decision possibly going to take me closer to my dreams? And if it is, if yes, then do I trust myself to figure it out? Oftentimes we cannot trust the outcome.
[00:09:45] We cannot trust the other factors, like perhaps the people and the opportunities and the circumstances, but what you can trust, always love is your self. And if you can start to really trust. That's when things get amazing. That's when you start taking the risks, that's when you start taking the leaps, you know, in my fear protocol, one of the questions is, is this possibly taking me closer to my dreams?
[00:10:15] And if this thing is then love, you have to really shift the focus to you. I am capable. I am creating. I am resilient and I will figure it out regardless of what happens. And I got to tell you, people, you may look up to that you think are doing these amazing things. This is how they think this is how they operate, whether they know it or not.
[00:10:44] They know that regardless of the outcome, regardless of what's on the other side, they can figure out. That's what alchemy is about, right. I call myself a life alchemists. I'll come use about creating gold with whatever life gives you. And I have a good feeling. Love that you are an Alchemist. Look at your past.
[00:11:06] Look at the struggles you've been through. Look at the challenges you've faced. Look at the risks you have taken and start to focus on the person who showed up on the other side. That's scrappy creative. Open-hearted version of you. That was like, you know what? I got this, we got this, we're gonna figure it out.
[00:11:27] And if you can't think of that, right. If you can't think of that, then try what I suggested earlier. Try small things that are risky, that feel like a stretch for you and prove to yourself that you can so love, take the risk, do the thing, because the only thing you're taking a risk on is your self. And I know that you have got this, regardless of what happens until next time.
[00:11:55] Love, I will talk to you then. Thank you so much for joining me this week. If you liked this week's episode, please share it with a friend comment and rate this podcast until next week. See you later. Love.