Procrastination, Perfectionism, and the Power of Good Enough [Best of WHC] | ep135
We break for winter here at Wholehearted Coaching and that makes this a great time to highlight THE BEST of Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast (a.k.a. some of your absolute favorite topics and episodes) from this past year.
For the next four weeks, we’re sharing the most downloaded and most loved episodes from the podcast. And love, if you already listened to these the first time around, I highly encourage you to press play one more time. I know there’s going to be something else you’ll walk away with from these favorites.
We’re starting off with the #1 downloaded podcast episode from 2022 — and a personal favorite of mine — Procrastination, Perfectionism, and the Power of Good Enough. This time of year is perfect for this because we start to get pretty judgmental and critical about ourselves. We think about all we didn’t accomplish or achieve and this episode tells you exactly why that is and guess what? It has nothing to do with you, love.
*Before we dive in, I’ve decided to host a surprise Live Manifestation Workshop to get you ready to bring in your biggest dreams in 2023! Click below to learn more.
We often want to know how to overcome procrastination, but I believe we all misunderstand what procrastination really is.
This one’s for anyone who’s ever struggled with procrastination, perfectionism, and going after your dreams which, knowing my community, is probably you readingthisrightnow.
When we procrastinate on something, we tend to point fingers at ourselves. We call ourselves lazy and say we don’t care that much. We think, “I really don’t know what I’m doing.”
And love, all of this can’t be any further from the truth.
Today’s Mindset Monday reads:
When you realize that procrastination is often a symptom of perfectionism,
You realize that you’re delaying not because you don’t care
But because you care so much, love.
When I first started Wholehearted Coaching, all I did was procrastinate.
I procrastinated launching my website.
I procrastinated writing posts for social media.
I procrastinated contacting potential clients.
I would keep putting off all the things I knew would help my business grow. And each time I put something off, I would whisper to myself:
You’re so lazy.
You’re such a procrastinator.
You have no idea what you’re doing.
You obviously don’t want this enough.
But the truth was… I wanted it so badly.
And that was what was causing me to delay taking action.
Let me explain: you see, I thought that the only way for me to succeed was for me to come out of the gates perfectly and that word “perfect” can really have a hold on us.
I thought I couldn’t just have a website, it had to be a perfect website.
I thought I couldn’t just write a social media post, it had to be a perfect social media post.
I really believed that there was a “perfect” way to embark on my dream. And that belief was what kept me procrastinating.
And guess what?
Procrastination is often a symptom of perfectionism.
These 2 things often get in the way of our dreams, but we don’t realize that they’re connected.
I thought that you wanted my perfect.
I thought that you wouldn’t take me seriously unless everything I did was the best.
I thought that you wouldn’t want to be here if I wasn’t flawless.
But, that’s simply not true. Is it, love?
I truly believed deep down that I could only succeed at this dream if I started it out perfectly. But, you still show up even when I misspell a word, even if a link doesn’t work in my most recent email. You still show up even if I stumble in the podcast.
The moment I started to let go of perfect was the moment I was able to finally embark on my dreams and make Wholehearted Coaching into the thriving business it is today.
Our belief that we need to do this thing perfectly is what’s holding us back from our dreams. It’s not that I was a procrastinator. It’s not that you are a procrastinator. You’re simply experiencing a symptom of perfectionism (which also isn’t who you are, love).
What perfectionism really is is this coping mechanism that you have developed that actually allows you to feel safe, seen, and secure in the environments you have found yourself in. Perfectionism makes us feel worthy. It makes us believe that our value lies in how perfectly we do things.
HOW DO YOU OVERCOME PERFECTIONISM
Now, the next words I’m going to share with you may seem a bit terrifying, but trust me on this one, ok?
Let me introduce you to the power of Good Enough.
Good Enough is so liberating, so transformative. Good Enough is how we get shit done. It’s how I started and have grown my business.
So, what does Good Enough mean?
Good Enough is about going after your dreams in a way that is sustainable and attaining. You’re not trying to impress others by overreaching and going above and beyond. You’re simply doing things to a satisfactory level.
When you do this, guess what happens? You actually get shit done. You actually have time for the things that matter to you.
Good Enough is how you prioritize your self care. It’s how you still make strides in your professional life. And the wildest thing is this: no one is going to notice. Trust me!
If you want to dive deeper into this teaching that has changed the lives of hundreds of students (myself, included), head to the podcast to listen to the full episode and learn the 2 crucial steps to Good Enough work.
A quote to take with you:
“The people who matter, the people who truly want your magic, your special sauce, they do not care. Your people are not here for your perfect, love. They are here for you and whatever you have to offer to the world.”
After listening, you’re going to love these episodes!
Our fear of failing can often stand in the way of pursuing our dreams. But the truth is we can’t reach our goals without failing a little (and sometimes a whole lot). Listen to this episode to create a new relationship with fear and learn my Fail Better Action Plan.
So often when we think of taking a big risk, our only focus is on the outcome. But what if we recentered the focus back on ourselves? Listen to this episode to understand why the focus needs to be on yourself when you’re about to make a big decision. This episode is also perfect for anyone struggling with indecision.
Did you know that each episode comes with free guided journal prompts?
If you want to be in the know and get each Mindset Monday straight to your inbox complete with journal prompts to take you even further, get on my email list.
About your host, Shirin Eskandani
Hi, love! I’m Shirin.
Coach, speaker, writer, and life alchemist.
I teach you how to trust your intuition again, tune out all the BS, and let your heart lead the way.
Because once you strengthen your inner GPS, decisions become easier, boundaries become clearer, and belly laughs become a daily thing.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:
I’m a certified life coach (accredited through the International Coach Federation)
My husband and I met on Instagram and we live in Brooklyn, NY with our plant babies
I have a masters degree in Music and was a professional opera singer for twelve years. I worked all over the world singing on stage at Carnegie Hall and the Metropolitan Opera (more on that later…).
I believe in the woo just as much as I do the work (internal and external). No amount of crystals and affirmations will make up for a lack of a healthy mindset and aligned action.
I love all the Real Housewives franchises. Don’t make me choose one… seriously, don’t.
+ Read the episode transcript here
[00:00:00] Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. If you're looking for more purpose, more passion, more joy in your life than you have come to the right place. I am your host, coach and life Alchemist, Shirin Eskandani. And I have worked with thousands of people showing them how to create their dream lives while also living their dream.
[00:00:27] This podcast is where mindset, mindfulness and manifestation meet together. We're going to release limiting beliefs. Put your dreams into motion all while prioritizing your ease, rest and joy. Let's do this love. Hi love. Welcome to Wholehearted Coaching: The Podcast. This is where we take a deeper dive into my mindset Monday post, which you can read on Instagram at @wholeheartedcoaching
[00:00:55] or if you want to go even deeper into this week's episode and get my free weekly journal prompts, sign up for my email list and you'll be able to explore the topics we're talking about in this episode. Even further, you can do that in the show notes or by heading to my website wholehearted-coaching.com.
[00:01:16] And if you're interested in working with me, whether that's one-on-one in one of my group programs or one of my transformational courses, you can head to my website, wholehearted-coaching.com/offerings to find out more. And of course you can also head to the show notes and all of this information.
[00:01:35] We'll be waiting for you there. All right. So today's episode is for anyone who has ever struggled with procrastination and or perfectionism, which knowing this audience is probably everyone listening today, we're going to get deep into how procrastination is often a symptom of perfectionism. I think that we really misunderstand what procrastination is.
[00:02:01] When we procrastinate, we point the fingers at ourselves and we say that we're lazy, that we don't care that we don't know what we're doing, that we're failures, and that can't be further from the truth. That's what we're going to get into in today's episode. You know, this episode is coming out in March next week is going to be the spring.
[00:02:22] Equinox, which is the first day of spring, which is when nature is coming alive. And I have a feeling that wherever you're listening to this, if you are in the Northern hemisphere, you are sensing that sense of thawing and optimism and hope as the weather gets warmer, as the trees start to bloom, as the flowers start to blossom.
[00:02:43] And there is the sense of dreaming during this time for me January, isn't it. When I go after. March is when I go after it, March is all about setting my dreams and motion, really nurturing those dreams and really seeing what dreams are coming up for me. And so, as I'm thinking about dreams, I can't help, but also think about how scary it is to embark on our dreams.
[00:03:10] If you're part of the whole heart of community, you know, that I am all about dreaming and dreams. I believe that we're all dreamers at our core, there is nothing better that feeling of when you think of a dream, when a dream pops in your mind, when a dream becomes clear in your soul, and you're just like so excited and you just keep thinking about this dream.
[00:03:35] And then of course, what happens all of a sudden, all of those feel good feelings, all of that hope. And that optimism is replaced by that doubt, that doubt, that sinks in, right? The doubt that comes up and says, how are you going to do this? How is this going to happen? How is this going to be any different than before.
[00:03:58] So today we are going to be talking about perfectionism and procrastination because these two things get in the way of our dreams and they're connected, but we don't think of them as being connected. So often once I share with you how and why they're connected, it is going to unlock. So much motivation for you love.
[00:04:19] And not only that in today's episode, I'm going to be sharing with you. One of the most transformational tools that I give to my clients, I will tell you this tool has changed my life and it has changed the lives of hundreds of people who have done my programs. This episode is for anyone who has a dream and wants to set it in motion.
[00:04:43] So today's mindset Monday reads. When you realize that procrastination is often a symptom of perfectionism, you realize that you're delaying not because you don't care, but because you care so much love. So when the dream for whole hearted coaching came to me, I was just so excited to do this thing. It felt so right.
[00:05:07] It felt so connected to who I was. And I was just ready to do the damn thing. I mean, this was a dream that I really wanted to set in motion and I was really connected to it. And I really knew that I wanted to do it. But even though I was so connected to this dream, I so knew I wanted to do it on the outside.
[00:05:28] All I was doing was delaying, I was delaying launching my website. I was delaying reaching out to potential clients. I was delaying writing posts for social media. I would keep putting all these quite important things off these things that I knew would help my business grow. These things that I knew would help realize my dream.
[00:05:48] And each time I delayed each time I put it off, each time I ignored something I needed to do, I would whisper to myself. You don't care. If you did care, then you would actually set this emotion. You're so lazy. You are such a procrastinator. Look at you doing the same thing you always do. And I started to get into this story of that.
[00:06:16] The reason why I wasn't taking action, the reason why I wasn't doing these things that were important was because I didn't care was because I was a procrastinator and I was lazy and that this dream would go the way of all my other dreams that it wouldn't happen. But you see the truth wasn't that I didn't want to do it or that I didn't even know how to do it or that I was a procrastinator or that I was lazy.
[00:06:41] The truth was that I believe deep down that I could only succeed at this thing. If I started it out perfectly, I believe deep down that there was a best way to do this thing. And until I uncovered that best way, that perfect way I couldn't get. So really it wasn't all these stories. I was telling myself that I didn't care that I didn't know what I was doing.
[00:07:07] It was that I cared so damn much. And that's why I wasn't doing the thing. As I'm saying this, I want you to just check in and see if my story is resonating with you. Is there a dream that you've been thinking about for awhile? Is there a desire that you've been wanting to set in motion? I want you to think of that thing.
[00:07:33] And I want you to check in with yourself and ask yourself deep down. Do I believe that there is a best way to do this thing, that there is a best way to embark on this journey? Do you find yourself comparing yourself to other people who are already doing this thing and thinking, well, they figured out how to do it perfectly.
[00:07:55] They figured out how to do it well. And until I can figure out how to do it that, well, then I can't get started. Right. Or maybe you have started researching into your dream and you're starting to find out that there are so many options. There's so many different ways to do the thing. And you start to realize, oh my gosh, I could go down this path or that path.
[00:08:17] There's so many ways I can do this thing. My love underlying all of this is the belief that there is a best way to do it all, that there is a perfect way to go about on our dreams. And the problem is the more we try to figure out the perfect way or the perfect plan, the more we delay and we stall. And that's when we start to create this narrative, the story that we're lazy, or that we have no idea what we're doing or that we don't care.
[00:08:50] And that can't be further from the truth. Love our belief that we need to do this thing perfectly, that there is a way to do this thing perfectly is what is tripping us up. I really need you to hear me when I say this, trying to do it perfectly. Trying to do it in the best way is what is causing you to not do the damn thing you've been dreaming of for years.
[00:09:17] Okay. So it's not that you're a procrastinator. Yes, you are procrastinating, but that's just a symptom of the perfectionism, a symptom of this part of you that believes you have to do this thing in a perfect way. And let me tell you, I'm speaking to you as a recovering. Perfect. The day I was able to let go of perfect.
[00:09:40] And let me tell you it's a continual process, but the day that I started to let go of that strong grip hold that perfect had on my life was the day that I finally did all the things I dreamed of. This is how I created my business. This is how I found my partner. This is how I now lead my life. It's by letting go of.
[00:10:07] Perfectionism is a trickster. Okay. Because it's actually a self destructive and harmful coping mechanism that is praised in our society. And notice, I didn't say character trait, no. Perfectionism is a coping mechanism that many of us have adopted and created that allows us to feel safe and seen and secure in environments that we found ourselves.
[00:10:32] Okay. Perfectionism is just a coping mechanism. Love that makes us feel worthy and good enough. It makes us believe that our value lies and how perfectly we do things. I mean, that was really true for me. You know, I immigrated to Canada from Iran and I was this hairy brown chubby little girl. Super cute.
[00:10:54] Okay. But let me tell you. There was not a lot of MES in the environment I found myself in. And so to adapt in that environment where I felt really unaccepted being perfect was one way that I was accepted and praised perfect was also a way for me to be less of a burden on my family, right. That was already deep in the throws of immigration and moving to a new country and who'd sacrificed so much.
[00:11:23] So perfectionism. Was a really powerful coping mechanism. And as I'm saying this, I want you to think of maybe what your perfect story may be. What did perfect give you? Maybe it was safety, security and avenue to be seen and heard was being perfect. Something that was praised in your household or community, and maybe that was sad or unsaid.
[00:11:52] But as you're thinking of what perfect and perfection, how they play a role in your life, really looking at what it protected you from or what you thought it protected you from. Now, a lot of the people who work with me come to me thinking they're perfectionist. I work with a lot of quote, unquote, perfectionists, like that is who they are.
[00:12:15] And I think. That is who I thought I was too. And I took pride in being a perfectionist, right? Like, look at all these grades, look at all these straight A's I was getting, but the truth is you're not a perfectionist and I am not a perfectionist. Perfectionism is a coping mechanism that we developed and thank God we developed it because it got us to where we are.
[00:12:41] But. As we all know this, as we're all understanding, it's going to get in the way it's going to stop you from going after your dreams. It's going to stop you from taking risks that could create so much beauty in your life. So my love perfectionism is a part of you. It's not you. And now it's holding you back.
[00:13:05] It's causing you to delay. It's causing you to think unkind things about yourself and your dream. For me as a coach. I think it's so important to talk about all of this stuff, because you know, you hear in the coaching world and you'll see on Instagram stop being perfect or no one wants your perfect and full disclosure.
[00:13:25] I'm going to use that phrase later on in this podcast. Okay. But context, we first have to talk about our relationship with perfection. I I've said this before, but in order to transform anything, we first need to become aware of. Why it's there, why it's so powerful and why we perhaps feel we need it. Now, you don't need to know the exact origin story of why you do this thing, but you have to understand what, why do I rely on my perfectionism so much?
[00:13:54] So I'm going to share some prompts with you. And if you're part of the email newsletter, you will find a full list of prompts at the end of the email. And if you're not on the email list, this is assigned to get. But here's some prompts that I want you to think of being perfect means.
[00:14:17] Perfect makes me...
[00:14:22] Perfect keeps me...
[00:14:26] Perfect people are...
[00:14:32] and just see what are some of the insights that are coming up for you? For me when I really started to dig deep into perfectionism for myself, I saw it for what it was something that protected me, but now was so incredibly destructive. And when I found that out, I realized that if I want. All of my dreams to be fully realized if I wanted to do all of the things I want to do in this lifetime.
[00:15:04] And let me tell you, I'm just getting started. I would have to let go of perfect. So how did I do that? Now? This is a process, and I'm now going to share with you two tools that really allowed me to slowly let go of perfect. So what we're going to be talking about for the rest of his pocket. Is the power of good enough?
[00:15:31] Yes. I said it I'm a coach and I said, good enough. Yes. Good enough. Satisfactory. Oh, okay. Listen, these are terrifying words for someone who is a perfectionist. Like these are words that you maybe you're like, Ooh, Ugh. Good enough satisfaction. But let me tell you good enough work is so liberating. It is so transformative and good enough work is how we get shit done.
[00:16:04] Okay. I truly credit the growth of my business and my life to good enough work. So what does good enough mean? Good enough is about going after your dreams in a way that is sustainable and attaining. So no overreaching impressing going above and beyond just doing things to a satisfactory level, which means you actually get shit done and have time for the things that matter to you.
[00:16:34] Like your friends, your family, your hobbies, your Netflix queue. And having said that don't watch inventing Anna K it's just a waste of time. Don't come at me. This is a personal opinion. Okay. But just don't put that in your Netflix queue. Okay. But listen, good enough is how we juggle households and careers and passion projects.
[00:16:57] Good enough is how you prioritize yourself care and still make strides in your professional life. And here is the wildest thing. No one is going to notice. Trust me. Okay. Later in this podcast, I'm going to share a story about that, but no one is going to notice that you're doing good enough work. So good enough work for me has two parts.
[00:17:21] One is B plus work and the second is giving yourself less time. All right. So B plus work. This is exactly what it sounds. It's doing things that a B plus level at first, you're going to think this is preposterous, right? If you are a perfectionist right now, you are going to think there's no way you can succeed with that level of work.
[00:17:45] But I want to assure you that if you are a perfectionist, first of all, your, a, B plus is most likely in a. And you are probably so used to going above and beyond that simply delivering the goods won't seem like enough. Now, let me tell you, this is not about creating sloppy work, but work that is quality and passable.
[00:18:06] No more obsessing over details and scrutinizing over tiny decisions. No, B plus work is about the freedom and ease and just getting it done. Okay. It's about the freedom and ease of saying this is what works best for me and my life, and this is how I'm going to. And also, let me remind you, this is your life and your dreams.
[00:18:26] We are no longer in high school or college grades don't matter here. And honestly, now that I think about it, did they even really matter then? Okay. The people who matter don't care, if your website is the most integrated or optimized, they just want to figure out how to book a call with you. Right. This B plus work for me was like mind blowing, especially when you're just starting your own business.
[00:18:53] There are so many damn options. Just even a website, Squarespace, Wix, WordPress. So many platforms you can host on so many ways that you can create a page. Do you hire someone? Do you do yourself? No. B plus work is about where you at in your life right now. Love. What do you want to create? What are the resources available to.
[00:19:17] Okay, let's do it. Now. The second part of good enough work is about giving yourself less time. Now we think the more time you put into something, the better it is, and the more invested we are in it, right. That the value of something goes up because we've put hours and hours and hours of work into it. But honestly, the more time you put into something does not increase its value or worth.
[00:19:44] It just simply means we spent more time on it. Okay. Think of it this way. In Instagram posts, you write over two days, is that better than the post you wrote in an hour? Maybe, maybe it's better, but does that have anything to do with how much time you spent on it? Probably not. We are like sponges with time.
[00:20:06] How much we give ourselves is exactly how much we will take or need. And we're always going to want more. If you give yourself a day to write a post, you're going to take. If you give yourself an hour, then you're probably going to get it done in an hour and listen, giving yourself less time is a total experiment, right?
[00:20:26] This is about giving yourself enough time to do the thing, but also not taking up all the time to do the thing. Right? So maybe you can't do a post in an hour, but perhaps an hour and a half is perfect time. Right? So it's really about experimenting. So this. I want to challenge you a little bit. I want you to take on one task.
[00:20:48] One that maybe isn't super important, but that needs to be done. And try it out with these two principles B plus work and giving yourself less time. See what it's like, see how much you can get done. See where you have resistance. Be like a little Angela. Landsbury be a detective. So before I told you that no one is going to notice when you do good enough work.
[00:21:13] So everything I do in wholehearted coaching is B plus everything from my courses to my posts, to this podcast, if you've been part of this community for a while, you know that there are typos in my posts and my emails that sometimes the links don't work, that sometimes emails get sent to the wrong list.
[00:21:33] Now, this doesn't happen all of the time, but I've never had someone email me and say, wow, Sharon, wow. The fact that LinkedIn work. I have no respect for you and whole hearted coaching. And if someone left the community, that's okay. Because I want this community to be here for who I am and to embrace my imperfect perfectness or my perfect imperfectness whatever feels good to you.
[00:22:04] I want to share with you one story of me totally fudging things up. So two years ago I had created a holiday workshop. And it was part of a big holiday sale. And I was rerecording one of the workshops and I'd given myself an hour to do this thing. It was the holiday season. I was overwhelmed. I wanted to spend time with my family.
[00:22:26] And so I just given myself this hour to do the thing, well, I recorded it. I was super happy with it. And then I put it up for sale and lots of people purchased this. And so many people seem to be enjoying it. I got all of these emails about people saying, wow, this really helped. That really resonated with me.
[00:22:47] And about two months later, someone emailed me to tell me that the last five minutes of the workshop are me forgetting that I'd forgotten to turn off the recording. And I went. You know, fiddling away on my computer, like a normal human being, just staring at a computer typing. Okay. This was up for two months.
[00:23:13] People had watched this workshop and in that moment, you know, I realized no one cared, no one emailed me to get their money back. And people actually got so much out of that. So had I been waiting on perfect. Had I waited for the perfect time to make this had I, you know, gone above and beyond to edit it.
[00:23:37] I wouldn't have been able to put it out in the world, which meant it would have made a difference in someone's life. And honestly, y'all are people don't want are perfect. They really don't the people who matter. The people who truly want your magic, your special sauce. They do not care. Your people are not here for your perfect love.
[00:24:02] They are here for you and whatever you have to offer to the world. I want to end with a quote from Bernay brown. She writes perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect look perfect and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame.
[00:24:28] It's a shield. It's a 20 ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when in fact it's the thing that is really preventing us from flight. So. As we embark into spring into March, as the world opens up, it is time to take flight. It's time to get rid of this shield. It's time to put your imperfect magic in the world.
[00:24:59] I can not wait to see what you create love. So as we finish, I want you to think of one thing that's really resonating with you from today's podcast. And as you think of this thing, we're going to take a deep breath in holding that intention and taking a deep breath out
[00:25:25] until next week. Love I'll talk to you then. Thank you so much for joining me this week. If you liked this episode, please share it with a friend subscribe or follow where you love listening to. And if you haven't yet leave a review, you can do this on apple podcasts, Castbox pod chaser, or podcast addict until next week, Love.