6 Myths (& Truths) about the Self Growth Journey | ep 124

6 myths and truths about the self growth journey wholehearted coaching shirin eskandani

Today we’re talking all about self growth & healing. On this journey, it can be really easy to get swept up in how things are “supposed” to be, what social media and “gurus” tell you to do, but the truth is this is YOUR journey, love, and no one knows better than you.

We’re diving deep into 6 common misconceptions and myths about what your self growth journey is supposed to look like, feel like, and what the end result of this “work” is supposed to be. This post (and this week’s podcast episode) is filled with several important reminders I’ve needed to hear on my self growth and healing journey and, love, you’re going to want to save this episode so you can keep coming back to it.

*Before we dive in* If you love what we’re talking about here today, I know you’re going to love my group coaching community The Alchemy Collective. The doors are now open on the 12-month membership that shows you how to bring back your sovereignty and agency in your wellness and growth journey.

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6 myths and truths about self growth journey wholehearted coaching shirin eskandani

Myth #1: The point of healing and self growth is to become a better version of myself.

The Truth: The point of healing and self growth is to come back to a truer version of yourself.

When I embarked on my self growth journey, I thought the end result was going to be a better, shinier version of who I was. Like, I was going to come out of this as Shirin 2.0! And, in the beginning, it did feel that way.

I was learning all these amazing tools, gaining these great lessons and concepts, and it was like “Yes!! Shirin 2.0 is here!” And I believed Shirin 2.0 would be this person who never got things wrong, never felt or though anything bad, who wouldn’t procrastinate or self-sabotage, and who would just be this glowing, grounded, courageous goddess ALL. THE. TIME.

But, the deeper I got into my self growth journey, that is NOT what was happening. Over time, I gained tons of amazing tools and awareness and eventually realized that there is no better, shinier Shirin 2.0 at the “end” of this journey. All the negative emotions, feelings, and thoughts I had didn’t go away, but… they became less strong, less forceful, and less manipulative.

Myth #2: The purpose of the self growth journey is to never feel any bad emotions or think negative thoughts. Ever.

The Truth: All the feelings are supposed to be part of the journey. We cannot skip over them. There is no good or bad, there is just wisdom underneath each feeling.

Listen, the beginning of my self growth journey was rough. It was really difficult because I was unpacking so many things I had never ever thought about. Things I’d tucked away in a box and didn’t want to look at ever again. And once you open up that box… ooh.

It’s a lot of grief, ugly tears, sadness, and just so many not so great feelings. But, at some point along the journey, something starts to shift. You start to feel lighter and clearer. There’s more joy and happiness than before — a real, genuine present joy.

It’s like you go from doing this really incredibly difficult work and the joy comes like the sun beaming on you.

And then, life happens.

Someone ghosts you, you don’t get the job, you make a mistake… all of a sudden, all of that joy, that happiness, that clarity is gone and you start to panic.

This is something they don’t tell you about this self growth journey: the first dip you have in how you’re feeling after doing an intensive amount of work is TOUGH. It is a shocker, love. It feels more intense than anything you’ve ever experienced.

When I had my first dip, I was in this dark feeling and I started to really judge myself. I started thinking I wasn’t doing the work right, that I was regressing, that I was backtracking. But it was because of this myth. I thought the point of all this self growth BS was to feel amazing all of the time and that life would magically become perfect. That I would never feel negative emotions or think negative things.

I had created this hierarchy that certain feeling were better than others. I’d created a narrative that if I felt the better feelings, I was doing a great job at healing and if I felt those other feelings, I was failing. So, joy was better than sadness Happiness was better than anger. So, when I would feel anything less than better, I would run or repress. I would use all of my new self growth tools to avoid feeling the discomfort instead of using them to process the feelings of discomfort.

Love, we cannot skip over the feelings.

I once heard the word emotion described as “energy in motion.” That’s exactly what they are — this energy in our body that has to go somewhere. It has to be processed or channeled in some way. If it’s not, it can manifest in really destructive forms.

On our self growth journey, all the feelings are supposed to be part of it. There is no hierarchy. There is no good or bad. There is just wisdom underneath each feeling. So, instead of good and bad, I like to say “comfortable and uncomfortable.”

When something feels uncomfortable, I know there’s something there I can look at, something I can tend to when I have the capacity. Our self growth journey gives us the tools to be present when life is wonderful and amazing. It gives us tools to navigate the moments where it’s difficult and hard and you get overwhelmed.

Myth #3: There is an end to our self growth or healing journey, a destination to reach.

The Truth: There is no end. The journey of healing and self growth is a continual process.

One of my good friends, Alea Lovely, describes our healing journey as this big circle. And in this big circle, we often come back to the same things, the same wounds, the same thoughts, the same feelings throughout our life. Every time we cycle through, we find the trigger again and we have different tools, concepts, and ideas to navigate through it. And perhaps the next time, that wound is a little less tender.

Sometimes you’ll come back to the wound and it’s just as big and bad as ever, but you now have new tools to move through it. And the circle keeps going.

Love, there is no end to this journey. It’s just one beautiful, maddening, amazing and frustrating unfolding.

Myth #4: Self growth and healing is found in the big, really grand moments.

The Truth: The moments where you realize the growth is working are so small.

This weekend, I went to this incredible retreat called The Art of Self Remembrance with Tracee Stanley (who is such an incredible healer). I was reflecting and journaling about the weekend and I wrote something that really stood out to me:

I really enjoy my own company.

That may seem like a frivolous statement. It’s not. I don’t think I could have ever said that about myself 10 years ago. I really enjoy being in my own company. I like how I am. I like how I think. I’m fun! I’m curious. I love to be with myself. That was one of those tiny little moment where I was like… holy crap… the work is working!

So love, remember to really look at those small moments that seemingly seem so simple. They’re not, love. Those small moments are what shift our experience of life. They are what transform the trajectory of our lives.

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Myth #5: You do not know what is best for you and you need someone else to tell you what to do with your life.

The Truth: You are your own healer and leader. You know what is best for you.

So this truth is so important. It’s the tagline for The Alchemy Collective — my group coaching program — and this is what we work on in the membership: reminding you of who you are. You are the ultimate healer and leader in your life.

I created The Collective because of what I experienced when I first embarked on my own self growth journey. I found myself in so many spaces in which I was told I didn’t know what was best for me, that I should read this book or do this thing or take this class and then I would find the answer. I would get so much conflicting information and a lot of it didn’t reflect who I was or honor my background as a first generation immigrant woman, someone who’s experienced trauma.

But because I was in spaces with people who had an amazing track record, background, books, and social media presence I thought they must know better than I do. In that process, I experienced a lot of harm and overwhelm. The trust I was looking for in my growth journey, I just wasn’t finding it. Because I wanted to trust myself and I was on this journey thinking everyone else knew what was better for me.

Love, they do not.

You know what is best for you.

You know what nourishes you. You know what feels good to you. You know what feels supportive to you. You know what inspiration feels and looks like to you.

This is about not putting yourself in spaces, working with people, and being in community with people that make you feel like you need to fix yourself, that you are not perfect, whole, and amazing just as you are.

Myth #6: You’re supposed to heal and grow on your own.

The Truth: The healing and self growth journey is supposed to be done in community.

One of the most sobering realizations you’ll make on your self growth journey is that a lot of people that you love, a lot of people you spend a lot of time with in your personal life, they are not on the same journey as you. They’re not thinking about the same things you are and perhaps aren’t sharing the same values that you are now really embodying.

It’s tough, right? You start to realize that those people that brought you to this point in life, maybe they aren’t the ones who are going to take you to the next point. Now this doesn’t meant we’re going to get rid of them. What it does mean is that we also need to have people in our lives who are able to support us in this next chapter.

There’s a scientific study that says 95% of our motivation and what we do in life is dictated by our community — by the people around us, by what they are saying and doing or not saying and doing in their own lives. We’ve all had that moment where we realize this current community is not going to cut it.

This is why I created The Alchemy Collective. I was finding that my one-on-one clients were doing great, but my group coaching clients seemed to embrace the ideas in a much more embodied way. They seemed to be able to move and motivate themselves in a much different energy. And I realized it was because they were doing this work in community with others.

Even though you have done so much in life, there is so much power in realizing you are not alone and that, in fact, you are in the most amazing company. This is why healing and growth work so incredibly well in community. You realize you’re not alone and you have the support and inspiration of a like-hearted and like-minded community around you.

Love, this is what The Alchemy Collective is all about. If what we’ve talked about has resonated with you, I really hope you will check it out. Doors are open now until September 30th.

Until next time, love.

A quote to take with you:

“Healing doesn’t mean that everything around us and within us is magically fixed forever.

Healing means that when stuff gets broken, we know how to tend to it.”

Did you know that each episode comes with free guided journal prompts?

If you want to be in the know and get each Mindset Monday straight to your inbox complete with journal prompts to take you even further, get on my email list.

6 Myths (& Truths) about the Self Growth Journey | ep 124

Myth #1: The point of healing and self growth is to become a better version of myself.

The Truth: The point of healing and self growth is to come back to a truer version of yourself.

Myth #2: The purpose of the self growth journey is to never feel any bad emotions or think negative thoughts. Ever.