F*ck Optimization | ep163
This one is for anyone who has ever felt overwhelmed on their growth and healing journey.
After years of being in the world of wellness and self-growth, I deeply understand what an incredible and also overwhelming space this can be.
It almost feels like every day there’s a new thing we “should” be doing or a new hack we “should” be trying. If you’re not mindful, your personal development journey can become more of a checklist than an intentional journey toward your fullest self.
So, today we’re focusing on cutting through the noise when it comes to growth and healing because what it’s really about is figuring out what is best for you, love.
But, before we dive in, I have a quick announcement!
One of my deepest beliefs is that YOU are your own healer and leader and when it comes to your growth and healing, YOU are the expert of your life.
The point of working with a coach is for you to fully understand and own this because you know best when it comes to you.
This is why I created my membership, The Alchemy Collective.
I was tired of being in healing spaces that focused more on where you’re lacking versus how you’re already whole.
In this monthly membership, you get:
5 group coaching calls a month
a monthly private podcast
monthly journal prompts
access to a library of somatic practices (like guided meditations)
you also get to work with me and some of my favorite teachers and healers in the wellness world!
If you’ve ever wanted to work with me, if you’re looking for support, guidance, inspiration on your healing and growth journey, then I really hope you’ll check out The Alchemy Collective.
Doors close September 29th and this is the LAST TIME we’ll be opening the doors.
Click here to learn more.
Let’s get into today’s topic.
This week’s Mindset Monday reads:
We don’t heal to fix ourselves.
We heal to better understand ourselves.
We heal to discover we have always been whole.
Your healing journey isn’t about filling some hole, love.
It’s about showing you that you are already whole just as you are.
Over the summer, I got really into TikTok.
Because of my interests and the work that I do, I get A LOT of videos about healing and growth. So, I started to get a ton of videos about Andrew Huberman.
Now, maybe I’ve been living under a rock, but he’s very well-known, and maybe you’re reading this like,
“Shirin… how do you NOT know who Andrew Huberman is?!”
I got to know him pretty well over the summer via TikTok and if you aren’t familiar with him, Andrew Huberman is a wildly popular Stanford neuroscientist. He has a podcast called Huberman Lab and he talks about tools and hacks you can use to become “optimal.”
His platform is about how we can optimize being ourselves so it includes things like your optimal morning routine, your optimal workout, your optimal diet, and so on. Now, this isn’t the only thing he talks about, but it’s what a lot of people know him for.
At first, as I listened to him I wondered…
Should I be taking ice baths?
Should we purchase an ice bucket and put it on our Brooklyn brownstone apartment’s rooftop?
Should I be getting up earlier?
Do I need to purchase more supplements?
I mean, who wouldn’t want to be optimal? But, I had to pause.
I’ve had this feeling before.
This feeling of believing that I needed just 1 more thing to become better.
This feeling that I didn’t know what was best for myself and that someone else had the answer to me becoming a better person.
This feeling that if I followed everything this person said to a T, then my life would become amazing.
This was exactly how I felt when I first started my healing journey.
I remember feeling so incredibly overwhelmed for so long on my growth & healing journey. I kept looking outside of myself for the answers.
I felt behind, like I didn’t know what I should be doing, that someone out there had the answer and I just had to find it.
So, I kept buying books. I would go to retreats and work with the leading gurus and healers. I kept thinking that I would be “fixed” by the right person and that after just 1 more workshop, I would find the answer to everything.
I kept grasping and searching and even when the advice didn’t feel right, I would convince myself that I should try it because this person was so highly recommended.
I mean, how could I know better than this expert?
But the truth is, I did know better because I knew what was best for me. I have always known what is best for me. And you, my love, you do as well.
When it comes to your growth, your healing, and your life, no one no matter their status, their accolades, their location will ever know what is best for your life more than you do.
The point of self work isn’t to optimize yourself. The point is to understand yourself better.
Self work is about self-sovereignty and agency. It’s about coming to understand yourself so well that you believe that you know what is best for you.
It’s not about someone else having the key hack that will completely change your life. No matter how much science backs an optimization hack.
When we think of the word “optimization,” we realize that it’s just another word for “perfect”
Those of us who are perfectionists (and recovering perfectionists, like myself), we know we tend to do this: we transfer our focus of perfection onto other things.
In this case, we’re transferring our focus to something so sacred and intuitive and love, our healing journey is anything but perfect. Healing is messy. It’s going to look different in every stage of your life. It’s meant to be adaptable and fluid.
Healing and growth is not a science.
It’s not a formula. I think a part of us really wishes it was though. Wouldn’t it be nice to have the perfect, clear formula for healing? Maybe if we just took an ice bath every day and we got sun exposure in the first 30 minutes of waking up, then we would all be perfect, wonderful, and optimal.
And we all know that’s not how it works.
These tools can definitley help us, but it’s so much more about the intention underneath the tool than the tool itself.
Are you doing this because it truly makes you feel better? Or are you doing it because an expert told you to and you’re hoping that it will “fix” you? Are you doing it to be perfect somehow?
When we heal in this way, we place expectations on our wellness, growth, and healing. We expect to be “fixed” on the other side of this experience. We expect to never feel crappy, unsure, or insecure ever again. We’re never going to procrastinate or make another mistake. Because we’ll be perfect.
When we place expectations of optimal (i.e. perfect) on our healing journey, we set ourselves up to fail.
Your healing journey is about coming to understand all the parts of who you are. It’s about showing you that you are already whole just as you are right here and right now.
We don’t heal to be a better version of who we are.
We heal to become a truer, fuller version of who we are.
With this intention, you will be able to navigate life in a way that’s best for you. You’ll be able to make decisions that are better for you.
This doesn’t mean you are healing in the less optimal way. It just means you’re healing. That’s it. There is no optimal plan that anyone can ever give you. There is just the plan that works for you.
And listen, I am not telling you to stop listening to Huberman’s show if it’s something you love. Absolutely not! Instead, I’m asking you to reevaluate your intention and ask yourself if you’re looking to his next hack to fix you and make yourself perfect in some way, or if it’s because it feels aligned with who you already are.
When we shift the intention and the expectation, everything changes
You are whole just as you are, love.
Embarking on this journey of healing and growth isn’t about finding tools and hacks that can fix this hole within you. It’s about finding ideas and concepts and tools that really remind you how whole and abundant you already are.
When we can heal from this place of abundance, we become our own healer and leader. We can discern what is best for us. We deliberately choose who we learn from, what we read, and how we engage with it all.
This is the work we do in The Alchemy Collective.
It’s all about placing the agency back in your hands when it comes to your growth and healing. This is why I offer lots of tools and ideas and concepts — because what may resonate with one person may not resonate with another. What may resonate one month may not resonate the next.
And, a big part of this journey that isn’t part of optimization is community. We aren’t meant to heal alone, love. The Alchemy Collective is your built-in support system that helps you on your journey and that community includes me.
If you’re ready to reclaim your healing journey, then I hope you’ll join us for this final cohort of The Alchemy Collective.
Doors close September 29th. You can go to wholehearted-coaching.com/alchemy to learn more.
Tune into this week’s podcast episode — 163 | F*ck Optimization — to hear the full conversation.
Did you know that each podcast episode comes with free guided journal prompts?
If you want to be in the know and get each Mindset Monday straight to your inbox complete with journal prompts to take you even further, get on my email list.
About your host, Shirin Eskandani
Hi, love! I’m Shirin.
Coach, speaker, writer, and life alchemist.
I teach you how to listen to your intuition again, tune out all the BS, and let your heart lead the way.
Because once you strengthen your inner GPS, decisions become easier, boundaries become clearer, and belly laughs become a daily thing.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:
I’m a certified life coach (accredited through the International Coach Federation)
My husband and I met on Instagram and we live in Brooklyn, NY with our plant babies
I have a masters degree in Music and was a professional opera singer for twelve years. I worked all over the world singing on stage at Carnegie Hall and the Metropolitan Opera (more on that later…).
I believe in the woo just as much as I do the work (internal and external). No amount of crystals and affirmations will make up for a lack of a healthy mindset and aligned action.
I love all the Real Housewives franchises. Don’t make me choose one… seriously, don’t.