Self-Motivation | ep149
I want to be really, really honest with you: I have been struggling with the Wholehearted Coaching podcast lately.
I haven’t been feeling so motivated to record new episodes. I haven’t been feeling as inspired as I used to.
Now, don’t get me wrong — I love the podcast! I love this community so much, but if I’m being absolutely honest with you all… it’s been a bit of a struggle the last few months.
I know the big reason for this is because I’m working on a huge professional project at the moment and this is such a big pivot for me and Wholehearted Coaching. It’s something I promise I’m going to announce this year, but that is where my mind, my energy, my thoughts, and my heart currently are.
So, I’m not as motivated to work on the podcast as before. But, I still show up. Doing this podcast has become a habit for me — and I say “habit” in a positive sense.
I have done this podcast so many times that it is now an instinctual thing for me. This really helps me to motivate myself in those moments where I struggle to find the inspiration or the excitement.
This is what I think we don’t fully understand about motivation
We believe that the people out there doing hard things are just constantly motivated. That they are just intrinsically more resilient, more creative and honestly, they aren’t.
They’re just like you and me.
The difference is that they have made a habit out of doing challenging things. They still see those things as challenging, they may still have fear and worry, and yet they still do it.
This is the best way I can describe how I have created my business: by habitually choosing the hard thing.
After all these years, I can honestly tell you that I still don’t want to do half the things required of me as a business owner — like writing copy, launching a new program, recording a podcast, washing my hair… I often don’t want to do those things, love.
But I do them. Not because of some magical boost of inspiration or because I’m a unicorn of some sort, but because each day i choose to do them, they become more of a habit which makes them easier to do the next time.
I share all of this to say this: motivation isn’t a thing.
Motivation isn’t something that magically shows up and it’s not something some of us are born with and others aren’t.
Motivation truly begins with a choice — a choice of doing something outside the box, something that’s scary, and then continually doing it. It’s a conscious choice you have to make each and every day. Just like brushing your teeth, washing your face, or having your morning cup of coffee. It’s the same with the hard stuff.
Those motivated people you know in your life are just choosing to do the hard thing. Then, they wake up the next day, and choose to do the hard thing that day, too.
Some people may look at me and see me as a highly motivated person. Probably because I get a lot of shit done and I do a lot of really hard things. In thinking of what I do and what other motivated people do, 5 factors came to mind.
Motivated people know their Deep Why.
This Deep Why is that deep, soul-filled reason of why you want to do the thing. It’s about going really deep and feeling connected to it.
For example, with the Wholehearted Coaching podcast, my Deep Why is to share my message and thoughts to truly make someone out there feel less alone, less lost, a little more strong, and a bit more resilient within themselves.
When I think of and reconnect with that Deep Why, I’m reminded of my former self at the beginning of my growth journey trying to seek out wisdom and knkowledge that would allow me to feel better, more grounded, and to find myself.
So, my Deep Why is really a love letter to my former self and this connects me to this Wholehearted community. I recently received a review on the podcast that was so incredibly kind and sweet and also reminded me of my Deep Why. This connection and knowing creates the sense of momentum and motivation we need to do the challenging things.
Then, for me, it’s no longer, “Ugh… I have to record a podcast…” but it’s now, “I get to connect with someone in such a deep way that I may change a part of their day, their life, or their journey.” And that is a very motivating Why.
When creating your Deep Why, be sure to feel the feelings. When I was describig my deep soul-filled Why, I was on the verge of tears. I felt like, “Holy crap! This means so much to me.” Feel the feelings, love.
Motivated people are intimate with their fear.
Motivated people are not fearless. Instead, they see their fear, they understand it, and they’re able to navigate it. They don’t allow fear to talk them out of doing the thing.
We all know that if we bypass our fear, it will catch up with us eventually. Instead, motivated people sit down with their fear, have conversations with it, and let their fear know that it’s ok.
They may say to it…
“Hey, I absolutely understand why we feel scared right now. I totally get it, but this means a lot to us. So, I’m gonna try and see what happens on the other side.”
Does this sound ridiculous? Listen, I cannot tell you how well this works and I share more about talking to your self-doubt in 148 | Self-Confidence. A lot of the time the reason we lack motivation, the reason we delay or procrastinate is because we’re just really scared.
We’re worried about the fear of failure, of judgment, of uncertainty, of success… What is often stopping us from feeling motivated isn’t a lack of motivation, but an abundance of fear.
An incredibly important aspect of self motivation is learning how to have a healthy relationship with your fear where you can navigate it in a healthy way. To go deeper into this, check out episode 148 | Self-Confidence.
Motivated people don’t overstretch themselves.
Now, maybe you’re wondering, “Shirin, what the heck are you talking about?” You may see motivated people running marathons, multiple businesses, and doing all the things.
I want to share a little scientific theory to explain things. There’s something called the Goldilocks Rule and it states that humans experience peak motivation when working on tasks that are right on the edge of their current abilities — not too hard, not too easy, but just right.
The Goldilocks Rule comes from the book Atomic Habits and it’s very similar to what I teach as Sweet Spot Goals. So, Sweet Spot Goals are alla bout creating a goals that lies at the intersection of who you are today and where you want to be.
So often when creating goals, we are aiming for ones that are just a little bit too big for us. While we do want to stretch ourselves, when it comes to being and staying motivated, it’s important to find the belance between what is already possible for you today and what you want to create.
For example, with the Wholehearted podcast, we are at episode 150. Seriously, 150! But, when I started the podcast, I wasn’t thinking about getting to episode 150. That would have been so overwhelming and un-motivating. Instead, I took it one episode at a time.
When it comes to whatever goal you’ve set for yoruself, if you find yourself really lacking motivation, it may be because you bit off just a little bit more than you can chew. We’ve all been there. Instead, find something that falls within that Goldilocks Rule: it’s not too hard, it’s not too easy, but it’s just right.
Motivated people are self-compassionate.
When they mess up, when they make a mistake, when they miss a day or two, motivated people are really kind to themselves.
They aren’t judgmental. They aren’t packing on the shame and blame. They just allow themselves to be and to feel whatever feelings are arising.
I like to think of it as having the most loving person in your life speakign to you in a mean and judgmental way. Unfortuantely many of us have experienced this. Maybe a family member or someone we respect and love has tried to motivate us from a place of criticisma nd unkindness thinking it was helping, but really it doesn’t.
Kindness is what allows us to be resilient, to sustain, and to keep going.
I truly believe the self-compassion is one of the most important things when it comes to sustainability, productivity, and resiliency.
Self-compassionate people get shit done because when they mess up, they don’t spend so much time holding it against themselves. They take those moments and feel the feelings. They learn from it and they move on.
Motivated people have a really motivating community.
Did you know that 95% of our actions are inspired by our community?
Now, that could be a community of one or a community of many, but the company you keep really affects how motivated you are.
If you are surrounded by people cheering you own, who are choosing hard things every day, and are seeing things through, that is going to be so incredibly motivating for you.
Conversely, if you have a community of people are aren’t so positive, who don’t feel comfortable sharing things, who aren’t really challenging or stretching themselves, that’s not as motivating, love.
It’s important to be intentional with the people you surround yourself with. But! This doesnt mean throw everyone in your life away, ok? It really means knowing who you can talk to when you need inspiration, when you need support. It’s knowing who to be around that’s going to really help you get inspired.
Creating a really motivating community for yourself will take some time, patience, and really intentional work and it is absolutely possible.
One of the biggest reasons why most of my offerings come with a community component is because I see how my clients’ motivation really goes through the roof.
Be intentional about the community you have. Be intentional about who you share your ideas with.
Your community can consist of one person. Your community can just be this podcast! Cause listen, I believe in you. You can do anything you want! You have amazing ideas and you are the best, love! And I wholeheartedly sign off on that, so you can take it, save it, and come back to it anytime you need motivation.
One of the big reasons the Wholehearted Coaching podcast thrives and does so well is because of my community. I have such a supportive group of listeners, friends, family, and an incredible podcast manager who makes this as easy as possible.
So love, your community is incredibly key and it can look however you need it to look.
If you are feeling down about some goal that you just don’t want to follow through on right now, I hope there was something in this that was key to helping you unlock your motivation. Because love, we need your magic in the world. We need the incredible dream that you have inside of you.
If you enjoyed this, you’ll love the rest of the “Self” series!
We have a lot of misconceptions about what creates self-confidence. We think self-confidence is a result of our accomplishments and achievements, that it means being “the best” or being perfect. But, love, true self-confidence starts within ourselves. Listen to the first episode of this series to learn what self-confidence means, how to improve your self-confidence, and what holds us back from fully stepping into it.
150 | Self-Growth: Spring Equinox Special
The Spring teaches us so much about growth and beauty. Oftentimes we forget that some of our most difficult moments create the soil for our greatest growth. Listen to this episode to learn how nature can teach us what growth truly is and how to do it.
Let’s talk about one of the most powerful mindset tools you can cultivate. Self-compassion is key to doing hard things, it’s key to creativity, and it needs to become the foundation of everything that we do. I’ve never said this before but love, this episode is *REQUIRED* listening if you want to create the most unimaginable dream life.
Did you know that each podcast episode comes with free guided journal prompts?
If you want to be in the know and get each Mindset Monday straight to your inbox complete with journal prompts to take you even further, get on my email list.
About your host, Shirin Eskandani
Hi, love! I’m Shirin.
Coach, speaker, writer, and life alchemist.
I teach you how to listen to your intuition again, tune out all the BS, and let your heart lead the way.
Because once you strengthen your inner GPS, decisions become easier, boundaries become clearer, and belly laughs become a daily thing.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:
I’m a certified life coach (accredited through the International Coach Federation)
My husband and I met on Instagram and we live in Brooklyn, NY with our plant babies
I have a masters degree in Music and was a professional opera singer for twelve years. I worked all over the world singing on stage at Carnegie Hall and the Metropolitan Opera (more on that later…).
I believe in the woo just as much as I do the work (internal and external). No amount of crystals and affirmations will make up for a lack of a healthy mindset and aligned action.
I love all the Real Housewives franchises. Don’t make me choose one… seriously, don’t.